Yo-yo no more

Well, I didn’t start the New Year on quite the note that I wanted to, but it’s gotten better.  When I got home from all of the Christmas food debauchery, I stepped on the scale and weighed in at 203.4 pounds - I believe at one point I got up to 205.  The good news in all this?  Seeing 200 on the scales again kicked me in the butt and it hurt! 

So, for the past week, I have sworn off bread and refined sugars.  Granted, there is still traces of that stuff in the oatmeal that I have for breakfast - but for my lunches and dinner I have been rockin’ out on all protein and veggies.  And the results of my newfound determination?  The scales clocked me at 198.8 this morning! YAY!!!!!  So - I will ride this wave of determination as far as it will take me and hope that it takes me far!  (I even turned down the graham crackers and chocolate/marshmallows that my hubby brought to me last night - I didn’t even think about it… just plain ole “uh, no”).  I’m hoping that I can stay excited about this.  For the moment I’m not even feeling any sort of craving for those things - not even (gasp) chocolate!  I’ve found that I enjoy having a smidge of Peanut butter and a few craisins in my morning oatmeal (yes, the craisins have sugar in them…I am aware, but I don’t have a whole heck of a lot of them either).

So, there’s an update.  We have been SOOO busy lately.  So, I haven’t gone again and left my blog by the wayside - we just have been busy!  I even missed (once again) the deadline of having my initial weigh-in in at the Biggest Loser challenge.  

I’m off to now update my WW@ home ladies!

OHHHHHHH before I forget - the best part of this past weeks eating (other than the weight loss part) is that my past 2 bowel movements have contained no pellet like consistency…. it’s actual, real poo - as poo is supposed to be!!! YAY!!!!  It’s been nearly 3 months since I’ve had one of those! Woohoo!

J

Yep. Relief came at 4:30 this morning. I will not divulge details because that’d be just gross. But, nevertheless I am dancing and singing around the house this morning - feeling energized. All the crap is out! (literally) YAY!!!!!

Okay, so I’m tired of having those rabbit pellit like poo’s.  So, last night I took a dose of Castor oil.  Now, I’ve only had to take Castor oil 2 other times in my life- and both times, the Castor oil worked like a charm within 12 hours.  Today, when I went to poo…… pellets again.  So, I’ll take it again tonight and be sure to drink TONS of water (which I didn’t do last night or throughout the day today). Castor oil works kind of like a buffer betwee your intestines and the water that they normally absorb.  So, all the liquid would instead go into your poo helping to soften it up and come on out….(this is awesome, huh? lol).  So, I drank a half a cup of coffee and one glass of water between the time I took it last night and the time I pooed.  So…tonight - 1) take the castor oil 2) water, water, water 3) pray for a good, smooth, relieving movement tomorrow…..

It’s awesome when you can write an entire post about poop. That’s how I know I’m aging…hahahaha!

J

It is winter.  This means no going outside to walk or run or exercise.  I find that I am just….in the midst of the winter blah’s.  I’d rather spend my time eating.  I get so bored being inside (even with having kids) that I want to cure the boredom by eating.  My ways of trying to avoid that are: come here and blog, go over to 3FC and browse the mini-goal albums (or the WW@home forum or TBL forums), chew gum (this one is a HUGE help for me).  I just…want to get up and MOVE again though!  Earlier this year I started doing kettlebells.  Those suckers changed my entire body!!!  Now that I’m not doing them anymore I feel like my body is back to being all jello-ish and just….ugly! Maybe Santa can get me some kettlebells for Christmas! haha!

Anyway - just venting! YAY!

J

******TMI WARNING******THIS POST DISCUSSES POO*******

I haven’t had a “normal” bowel movement in a few months now.  Now, before  you freak out thinking that I have 2 months worth of poo trapped in my intestines, I DO poo - but it’s the rabbit pellet kind and I never feel fully….uh….emptied.  A couple of times I’ve done the castor oil thing (it REALLY does work) and I’ve just started a metamucil regimine.  I think that a lot of it has to do with stress.  My life is pretty stressful at the moment.  But I just feel so bloated!!!!  I think if I got rid of all my poo, it’d make for a good 2-3 pound loss!!!  So……………here’s to eliminating the poo!!!!!!!

J

I was browsing the 3FC Mini-goal photo albums this evening and I wondered where would I be had I kept up with it as strict as I was with it last year? I would probably already be at goal. It’s depressing.

However, looking thru the mini-goal albums is always a source of inspiration for me, so I’m really feeling disgusted with myself and extremely motivated to get going again. This is a good thing!! I think that starting on Saturday I will set up my first mini-goal (it’ll be a New Years goal). I find when I set mini-goals - I tend to achieve them! So, I’ll need to see what I’m starting with on Saturday and I’ll go from there! yee haw!

Stay tuned!
J

So, I took a couple of steps in the right direction last night. I spoke up on the WW@Home forum on 3FC and signed up for TBL Challenge which starts January 4.

I was a HUGE participator on the WW@Home forum last year - it kept me SO accountable and it was so great to have a group of ladies to talk to about my successes and my failures and to have a place to post my weigh in every week.
I was also big into the Biggest Loser challenges. I was even a leader of the Black Team for 2 challenges in a row. I had to drop out for the last one because of our photography business taking off so big. However, we are learning how to manage our time better - and I NEEEEED that kind of “competivness” part to keep me excited and on track.
So I see these two steps as great and positive steps…..

Next step? Setting up a mini-goal ticker on 3FC and posting it on here…..

YAY!
J

Over the past few days I have seen Oprah all over the TV. Not for her Angel Network, not for her talk show, not for her “favorite things” episodes…but for her weight gain. A lot of news stations are reporting this like it’s some national tragedy - like Oprah has failed herself and failed her viewers. While I’m not excited to see that Oprah has gained weight back (I would never cheer for someone to gain weight back), I am glad that she is opening up about it. I plan on getting the magazine issue that it’s in. I can completely identify with her. Granted, I haven’t packed back on 40 pounds - but I might as well have with the way that I feel. At my lowest weight on this “weight loss journey”, I was around 188 pounds, a weight that I can never remember being at in my adulthood. I was excited about eating right and exercising. I was excited to step on a scale every week to see where I was at. And now, I am teetering on the edge of 200 pounds again, a weight that I SWORE I would never see on the scale again! I read a part of the Oprah article online, it is she said “I was so frustrated that I started eating whatever I wanted—and that’s never good. My drug of choice is food. I use food for the same reasons an addict uses drugs: to comfort, to soothe, to ease stress.” Oh Oprah - I get it, I understand it and I completely relate!!! That’s one reason why I get so frustrated with the media and the way that they report. The news that I’ve seen is making it seem as if Oprah let herself get out of control. What most news people (and just people in general) don’t get is that food is a drug for some people. It gives them comfort, peace, happiness, joy. It lets people know that everything is going to be okay. For me, food acts like a big old hug. It makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside. I WISH that it wasn’t that way - but it is. That’s why weight is a big, huge struggle for me. Last year, I had a grip on it. I felt as if I was able to find other things to help take my stresses out on other than a bag of Oreos. Over the course of the last 6 months, I have reverted back to running into the arms of the one constant in my life that will never leave me: FOOD!
I don’t enjoy being fat. I don’t enjoy my heart racing when I eat something fat-laden. I don’t enjoy having to stuff myself into jeans that once upon a time were getting loose on me. I don’t enjoy having to worry about my health. I don’t enjoy the pit-fall of emotions that comes after I dive into a plate of “insert any starchy, sugary, salty food here”. It’s so odd that I can come up with so many flowery, feel-good words to associate with eating, but every word I can think of about my weight might as well begin with a streak of curse words…..
Anyway, I know that I’m in the midst of changing myself back into how I once was. I know that I can do it. I also know how hard it was to do the first time. Prayer, prayer and prayer again.

J

Indeed.

So, I just read thru my entire blog. I am b-u-m-m-e-d! All the excitement with losing 2 pounds in a week. I haven’t felt that in a while! I have to keep up with this blog. I’ve noticed that the more open and honest I am about what I’m feeling, what I’m eating, about exercise - the better I do. So, get ready to see a lot more from me. YAY!

J

Yep. A gain. a 1.6 pound gain. Wow. However, I am supposed to start my period today. But, I can’t - I just CAN’T … CAN NOT get back over 200 pounds.  I worked so freaking hard to get under 200 pounds.  I have to stop myself from this impending collision that I’m on.  I’m going to to back and re-read my blog, just to draw some form of inspiration.  I just feel like I don’t care what I eat anymore.  I’m not careful about what I eat.  If there are cupcakes around - of course I eat one, or two, or three and some extra icing.  Why? Because it tastes good and it feeeeeels good to eat it.  I’ve been depressed lately - but it’s because of my weight gain.  So in turn, I eat more.  Great plan, huh?

Well, the gain is what it is this week.  Next week there HAS to be a loss.  I can’t see 200 on that scale!!! 

J