Chasing away Chubby

Itchy Itchy, scratchy, scratchy…

I’m itching…

Badly…

I have poison ivy.  Its on my legs, arms, stomach,  and hands.  My right hand is really bad.  It itches the worst, and is covered in tiny blisters. I took 2 benedryl before bed and slept until 4 AM when I woke up itching and had to take 2 more benedryl and reapply all the stuff I am using to get rid of the poison.  I’m miserable.

I slept til 10:30 which is something I never do!  I am usually up by 8 AM.  I think the benedryl is what knocked me out.

WEight wise I thought I looked smaller but have not lost any more weight. I have been using the Dam Marrino hypnosis.  I had done hypnosis beofre  and it really helped me, so I fifgured I’d give it a try. I just started it. So we will see how it goes.

I’m going to start posting every morning again. 

Well I got a late start and I have tons to do so I am off for the day!!

Happy Hump Day…again!

I woke up bright eyed and bushy tailed this morning. That is not like me.  I have had a semi-productive morning. I have started a load of laundry, a load of dishes, cleaned up the kitchen, and taken the dogs out. All before 9:00 AM! 

Yesterday was another good day diet wise!  I am not sure that I even ate my 1600 calories.  I had 1006 calories left by dinner time and I ate 1.5 chicken cordon bleu (Less than 500 calories), 1 little debbie cake (I know, Linda…not good cake but the chocolate creme cakes are delicious!  Really I was surprised how good they were!  Plus its TOm and they satisfy my craving for creme filled empty calories.) at 190 calories, 1/4 c peas, and 1/4 c mashed potatoes.  So I did not do the final calorie figurings but I should have been under my calorie goal.  My stomach must be shrinking because I was stuffed with what I had for dinner and usually I can eat ALOT more.  So yay me!

I did not work out however because as the day progressed my ankle hurt increasingly more.    I am going to today.  I am going to do some Denise Austin exercise ball workouts.  LOVE those workouts!  I love the ball!  This will be fun!  :)   (Am I doing a convincing job being upbeat and looking at the bright side of sweating and making my muscles sore???)

Breakfast this morning was a fiberPlus antioxidants chocolate and almond bar (130 calories) and 6 ounces of green goodness fruit smoothie (95 calories).  Lunch will either be a ham or turkey sandwich or a lean cuisine.  Dinner, as always, is up in the air at this point.  DD has dance recital rehearsal tonight so BF will cook dinner again.  Hopefully it will be something good and unfattening.  (Is unfattening a word?  :lol:   )

I did some playing on flufffriends and farm town on FB.  I am going to try out some of the different apps and see what I like.  I have been addicted to fluffriends but only when they are having some sort of scavenger hunt thing.  The rest of the time it is pretty boring.  Everyone else seems to be addicted to farm town.  So I am trying it, but yesterday was not all that impressed.  So we will see how it goes.

Well I am off, the dishwasher and the washing machine are silent, so they are waiting on me to empty them.  Have a great day chickees!

Weigh in week of 5/16-5/22,2008

Sat 5/16     226

Sun 5/17 226

Mon 5/18  223

Tues 5/19 224.6

Wed  5/20  223

MEASUREMENTS

Bust   45.5″

upper waist  38.75″

lower waist 48.75″

Hips  48″

thigh   26.5″

calf     16″

bicep  14.75″

Lazy, late, and limping

Yesterday afternoon I was stepping on the steps from my deck down onto a stepping stone.  I didn’t realize that there was a 2 inch gap from the stepping stone to the ground, stepped on the edge of the stone and subsequently turned my ankle.  It’s okay. Maybe a tad puffy and a little stiff but no bruising or anything.  So that throws a wrench into my plan to go run today.  Oh, well I can start in a day or two when the ankle is not stiff and puffy.  I think I will strength train instead to day.  I will do TBL DVD!  That should kick my fat, flabby, butt!  :lol:

Yesterday went well!  I stayed underneath 1700 calories.   My official total was 1673.  I tracked my food on sparkpeople, because it is free.  Sometimes it is hard to find the right food to log so many times I will just enter it myself.  It takes longer that way, but I know for certain that the calorie totals are correct.  Sparkppl scolded me for going over my fat goal.  My goal is to stay under 58 grams and I consumed 64.  Ogf course I didn’t realize I had a fat goal until the day was over!  LOL! Still not bad though.  Despite the turned ankle I walked for 35 minutes.  So I am happy with my first day back on the wagon! :)

What I ate yesterday…

B-fast

Naked protein juice smoothie 8 oz

Lunch

LC Tortilla crusted fish (yummy)

2 T tartar sauce (largely good fats)

2 pcs Dove dark chocolate (good fats antioxidants)

Dinner

Grilled chicken Breast strips, 6 OZ (yummy)

Chicken Rice, 1 cup

1/2 C sweet peas

Hot dog (no bun)

Little Debbie Chocolate Creme Cake

Snack

2 mandarin oranges

Okay so everything I ate wasn’t the most nutritious stuff, but I promised myself that I would be allowed to eat what I want.  I ate many healthy things as well.  Small steps will get you big rewards.

I weighed in this morning at 224.6!!! That’s up 1.6 pounds from yesterday, but TOM arrived yesterday so I am thinking maybe its water.  BLAH!  Its still down from 2 days ago when I weighed in at 226!  So I’m not sweating it!

I’m late this morning, not that I have anything to do, but I didn’t get my butt out of bed until 11:00!  I hate when that happens because I feel like I wasted the entire day away!  I’m drinking my breakfast the other half of the naked protein drink I drank for b-fast yesterday.  I am not enjoying it as much today.  It is a little bit grittier than it was yesterday.  It was gritty yesterday but I could ignore it because it tasted so good.  Not happening today. Maybe I didn’t shake it up as well as I thought I did yesterday??  Oh well, I will chugg it down and get on with it.

Lunch will be a ham sandwich (Under 300 cals), tortilla chips and salsa.  DInner is till up in the air.  i think BF is wanting to cook out again.  I’ll make sure to save plenty of calories!

My son just walked up and told me that my elbows “Look old.”  This from a 5 year old!!  Now he has brought me a small watermelon from off the kitchen counter and is chanting “Last melon…last melon!” (Ice age fans will recognize the reference).   I guess I should get off of here and feed him.  Have a great day chicks!

 

Back on the wagon

This is the only picture of me at graduation.  My family let my 11 year old son take the pictures.  This is me getting ready to recieve my diploma.Me and the kiddies after graduation.You all knew I would be back when the drama, the stress,  the excitement, the celebratory eating were all over.  And it is. 

It’s over finally!  I graduated!!!   The ceremony was supposed to be outdoors but thanks to the crazy KY weather they decided it would be better to have it inside in the old, ugly gym.  I can not tell you how great it felt to get that diploma in my hand.  I know I was beaming, grinning ear to ear, which is why I was so distressed to find out that my family had let my 11 yr old take the pictures and he did not even take one of me recieving my diploma!   I wanted to bask in the glow of the moment, my long hard won victory, but afterwards the family  just wanted to leave.  No one hugged me, no one said congratualations which hurt me terribly.  I wanted to enjoy my victory, but they were more concerned about getting home (mom) or getting to the restaurant and eating (kids).  At the restaurant the family redeemed themselves and we had a nice time.  However, I still felt empty.  Which just goes to prove that attaining your life’s goal does not always fill you up the way you thought it would.  I felt sad that my family was not more excited for me, sad that this chapter in my life is closed, sad to leave the college, and sad to leave the girls I had gotten to know and like!   I feel proud of my accomplishment, but it still doesn’t feel real to me. I guess maybe because it is only half the battle, the other half is actually getting a job.  Something that will be extremely difficult in these tough economic times, with school systems cutting teaching jobs.

So now I am free.  It feels weird not to have so much to do, not to be constantly busy. However, now there is no excuse.  I have to put me first and work to get this weight off, once and for all!  I gained some during studenteaching.  I weighed in this morning at 223.  My high had been 228!!  A tie for my highest weight ever.  Yep, I ad managed to gain it all back, but now I am going to get it all off- starting today!

The plan: 3 meals,  no snacks

Breakfast will be some sort of juice- acai berry or protein.  250 calories or less.

Lunch- Lean Cuisine. Less than 500 calories.

Dinner- portions measured calories counted.  This is usually where I lose all control.

workouts: 1 hour./ 5 days a week.

If I get serious and really work at it, I can lose 40 pounds by the end of September.  I can do this, time to start working at it.

I’ll be here everyday!  I promise!

Another crazy Monday

Sorry I have been MIA for so long.  Things got pretty crazy.  I had a portfolio that was due, and it took me about 80 hours to get it all uploaded to livetext.  Then I had checkpoint 3 interviews, which went amazingly well!  I scored the highest score that I could on the interview.  :)  So that made me happy.  Then I had my last “Solo week” of student teaching.  This is my last week of student teaching. I am “phasing out” so there is nothing for me to do this week.  I was suppose to teach this morning since my supervising teacher had a meeting, but I couldn’t go in.  My eyes are all swollen up and ITCHY from some sort of allergic reaction.  I am breaking out in hives and just now I had a small blister form on my knuckle.  Yesterday I kept getting dizzy and at times felt short of breath.   So I called in today.  Hoping this subsides so that I can get better.

During the 80 hour upload nightmare.  I did nothing but work and sit in front of my computer.  It was TOM week so I ate bad things and retained some water.  Because of that I saw the number on the scale I never wanted to see again. 228.  My highest weight ever- again for the second time!!  UGH!  So I hopped back on the eating healthy train and lost 5 pounds last week. I am now back down to 221 so that is a loss of 7 pounds in about a week and a half. 

I ran last week one day and was able to run over a mile without stopping.  Next week I am going to get serious about my training for the 5K.  If I get serious about this I can lose 30 pounds before summers end.

Well that starts next week because by then my student teaching will be OVER. 

I graduate on May 16th.  :)

Well that is about all for now. I will try to check back in tomorrow!

Quickie on Hump Day!

That just sounds perverted!  :lol:

I am so very tired!  I had a full day of teaching, and then had to go to class.  We were there for over 2 hours.  I worked out for over 30 mins at Curves.   I did not get up early.  For some reason my 1st alarm did not go off in time.  I will try agian tomorrow morning.

Food today was a tad better but not much.  I have started reading Dr. Phil’s book but have not gotten past the first chapter.  This time I am gonna get through it.  LindaT says it really has helped her.  I have read about half of it several times efore but I have never finshed it.  Maybe if I read and get all 7 keys it will help me do this for once.

Well ladies.  See ya tomorrow!  I am off to bed!

Just tired…talking to myself.

Tired…

I am tired fo cleaning my house.

I am tired of not getting the things done I need to get done.

I am tired of being a procrastinator.

I am tired of always feeling angry at BF, even when it is really not his fault.

I am tired of pushing so hard.

I am tired of being so FAT.

I am just tired. 

I always wake up with the best of intentions and by bedtime I have ruined them all.

I am tired of being a failure.

I am tired fo being a big, fat, failure.

I am tired of my joints hurting.

I am tired of being tired.

I am tired of my gut being so huge, bloated, and gross feeling.

I hate feeling fat and gross.

I want this weight off!

I want it off now!

But how can I win this war when I have no self control??

Damn, I really suck.

So take baby steps Melody…

small steps and before long it will start to come off.

You’ve done it before.

You can do it again.

Now go read chapter one of the Dr. Phil book.

And set your alarm to get up early to work out.  (Just like you did this morning.)

You have already packed your workout bag for Curves tomorrow after school.

You have packed a salad for lunch.

You can do this.

You can so do this.

You are not a quitter.

You are not a quitter.

You are not a quitter.

AND your not meant to be a fat ass.

You were never meant to be ashamed to run into people you went ot High school with because you were HOT then and you are a freaking fat ass now.

You can do this.

You have to do this.

You will do this.

Get your head in the game.

And not to sound like Nike…

but “just do it” for crying out loud!

And stop whining like a baby back bitch already.

You MADE yourself this fat.

Now make yourself un~fat.

It took years to get this big. 

You can be at goal weight in less than a year.

You can do this.

YOU CAN DO THIS.

YOU CAN DO THIS.

So do it already.

 

Thursday of Spring Break

Where has the week gone?  I have done nothing but spring clean all week long.  :/  The house is looking better.  Today I have to tackle the kitchen. 

BF has moved in.  I know many of you will see this as a dumb move on my part, but I can not make the rent now not working.  I am out of $$$.   It seems I only blog about BF when he is being a complete asshole.  I don’t give him enough credit most of the time because I am always so angry about the things he has done to me in the past.  He has grown up a great deal over the last couple years.  We have really been doing okay, with the exception of his cheating incident with the girl who turned stalker. (BTW, changing his phone number seems to have stopped all that nonsense.  She called a few of his friends a few times after that trying to get his new # and we have heard nothing since! YAY!) I know we will have rough times, but for now it has to be.  He knows if he does not walk the line then he’ll have to leave, and so far so good.   We got in a few arguments during the move this past weekend, but moving is STRESSFUL.  Especially when you are moving a neat freak into a cluttered mess of a house, and you are trying to decide what to keep and what to toss, whose furniture to use and what to get rid of.  Things have been better since then though.   :)

I have been so busy, literally working from sun up to sundown that I haven’t had time to work out.  That seems to be working for me though as this morning I am back down to 222!  That is 3 pounds gone in about a week!!  I think the diet for me is no diet at all.  I just need to stay busy and not worry about what I put in my mouth,  I literally eat less when I am NOT dieting.   Dieting puts an unhealthy focus on food, and for a reformed binge eater (I say reformed because I used to binge DAILY, now my binges are less than monthly.  Now I just overeat.) that spells disaster.  When I diet, all I think about is food, I count the minutes down to my next meal, I daydream about what I am going to eat, and I will inevitably overeat because food is my focus.  But no more.  I just need to stay focused on what I need to do, work my ass off on cleaning out this clutter and getting the things done I need done, and let food fall by the wayside.  It is important for energy, it is not important for my life.

I am going to start training for a 5K in September.  I will start that soon.  That will help get this weight off.

So today is clean the kitchen and get the mini deep freeze of BF’s in there.  Then I need to go to the library, DD has dance tonight, but I may see if her Nana will  take her so I can do some more around here.  Bf will be home arounfd 3:00 since his factory has cut out overtime this week.  Hopefully, it will not last very long…he doesn’t think that it will.  They build garbage trucks and that is one thing the world will sadly always need. 

Well I am off to my day!!  I will try to comment later!

Love to all!!

PS.

I am always down on myself because I am so fat and I hate the way I look.  I may only weigh 6 pounds less then when I started this 2 years ago, but I am healthier, happier, and have a ton more self esteem.  I can run (I ran last week the first time in about 6 months since I had seriously ran and I wasn’t sore~ at all!!!), I am strong enough to lift a pressed board desk over my head and carry it 50 feet to the street, up and down steps, by myself!  I know that if I really try that there is nothing I can’t do.  That is an accomplishment, a miracle really, unto itself.  I can do this.  I know I can.   Now I just have to get my ADD butt in gear and keep my focus and make this happen for me.