Sunday:

Monday:

Tuesday:

Wednesday:

Thursday:

Friday:

Now on to catching up.  On October 17th Josh hit me with a pillow (just a regular sized sleeping pillow) and when I raised my hand to block it, it snapped my Pinkie near the joint and now is in a temporary cast. Its a half cast held on with ace wrap, that I can remove when I need to take a bath or write. I go back today to have Xrays to see if its healing correctly. Its not been alot of fun and was pretty painful for about a week, but it has gotten me out of some chores.

It has also sidelined me from my diet. I had lost 4 pounds down to 226, but have gained 2 pounds back.  Today I am starting my day by drinking my smoothie (strawberries, blueberries, dark cherries, raspberries, locally made apple cider, 1/2 an apple, organic grape juice, 2 packages of yogurt (with the good bacteria in them), 2 tsp of benefiber, 2 tsp. apple cider vinegar, 1 T. of locally grown honey.  It makes enough for breakfast for 2 days. i have noticed that It helps run excess water weight off, I am not sure why.  Plus it tastes good. I have been trying to eat healthier. I am concermed about the food we have been eating and I am trying to buy healthier food. Around here it is hard to find organic food and impossible to find grass fed beef, but I am doing my best. I have also cut out sweets. I have quit buying candy and processed snack cakes.  THe sweetest thing in my house is pop tarts (okay not nutritional, but keeps DS5 happy and you have to make compromises!!) I read 2 articles this morning about healthy foods, and what you should and shouldn’t eat, and how to live to 100.  So here are the links.

http://health.msn.com/health-topics/slideshow.aspx?cp-documentid=100247017&imageindex=1

http://www.prevention.com/7foodsthatshouldnever/index.shtml

I am going to go into town early and go walk today. I want to work back up to runnign now that I am feeling stronger.  Can’t wait to get this hand healed enough where I can lift some weights too. I have gotten so fat, flabby, and everything is heading south again!! God I hate that!!

So basically I am back at square one again and going to start losing weight again. Still reading the makers diet book, but am unsure whether to try it. I always get suspisious of diets when the author is touting his own products. Feels a little like a scam to me, but the diet I think is sound. But I would not buy any of his  products. We’ll see.

Well off to my day. Hope everyone had a fabulous day!!

I walked for 20 minutes.  No power walking just a slow walk. I am still feeling too puny to try anything too energetic yet. I am going to do 20 mins of stretch yoga tonight.

BF was better yesterday. We had, had a big blow up the night before and he was super sweet yesterday to make up for it.  Thus, the cycle continues…

So that is basically it.  Wishing I felt better and had more energy. Think I will go lie down for a few minutes.

Mon:

Tues: Walked 20 minutes- slow pace.

Wed: Walked 40 minutes- slow pace. Total 60 minutes…30 minutes to go!!

Thurs:

Fri:

sat: Walked_ med to fast pace- 60 mins!!  Whooo Hooo i met my goal!!

Goal: 90 minutes

Actual: 120 minutes!! I ROCK!

Updates…

You already got the BF update.

THe school board meeting was pushed back until Tuesday so hopefully they will call me then. I really need to work.

On the weight loss front I haven’t been doing anything. I have been struggling with motivation. I found a book on the free shelf at the library. It is “The Makers Diet.” What I have read so far is intriguing. i have read things such as this before, and I may try it. I have not actually read what the diet entails completely yet, but I skipped ahead some and liked the foods that that are involved and think I can like the foods that would be new. So The book is a good read so far so I am going to continue to read it and decide soon what I am going to do. More updates later about this.

Tomorrow I am going to do some sort of light working out.  Then I don’t know. BF is threatening to move out so i may be moving him tomorrow. If he does move we will have nothing. I got rid of most of my things when he moved in. I don’t think we will even have a TV for the living room.  I just know I don’t deserve this…to be treated this way.  And neither do the kids.

I feel awful. Those of you who have read my blog know about my stomach issues and they have started again. Probably due to my weight gain and my bad eating habits. Funny, though how it started acting up when I switched to my good eating habits again.  Weird?  So today I am eating a liquid diet until dinner and then I will try not to over do it and see how my tummy feels.  I took a loratab I had left from 2 years ago, my last trip to the ER, last night to make it stop hurting, and this morning I have a bounce back migraine. I took 2 Ibuprofen for that and slept til 11:45. My head is still hurting but not on a migraine scale. I was really looking forward into forcing myself to walk this week, but until I feel better that is gonna be hard to do.

Good news.  I have lost 3 pounds since I began watching what I eat.  227 this morning. So yay for that. Also, the bleeding has subsided some. (See previous post). It is now down to a pink discharge…almost like after you have a baby. Weird??  So I am relieved for that. I think total I bled for 20 days…totally not cool.

Today I am going to clean up around here, run to town to buy some cheese for the enchiladas I am making tonight, start the crock pot with the mexican pork roast ( Pork roast (not tenderloin) in a slow cooker seasoned with whatever veggies you like and 1 packet of taco seasoning. Its delicious and sooo easy!! Roll it up in a tortilla or pour it over a cheese enchilada and you have HEAVEN! MMMMM!) Anyway, can you tell I have sustained myself today on jello and water??  I am off to face the day. Hopefully what is left of it won’t be as bad as the past few days.

I want to say that I have been completely touched by one lady’s complete generosity. Round has offered to help me in a way that still astounds me. She is a wonderful, giving human being and I will be praying for her constantly for her to heal quickly from her cancer ordeal, and that she will be able to become a parent within the year. Thank you so much Sarah!

I’m sorry I have been gone for so long. I hate that I keep abandoning my blog but I am lacking motivation to do much of anything. I did not get a job teaching school.  I’ve had 2 interviews and thats it. There were not alot of jobs to be had this year because of budget cuts.  I have been pretty down about it too. Actually I have been a big, whiney, baby about it if I were to be honest. In my defense I have worked my ass off to make this dream happen, to teach elementary school, my life long dream, and to earn enough money that we won’t be so darned dirt poor, but it didn’t happen and I am just flat out depressed about it.

Yep, I said it…DEPRESSED. I know that its true, but I am at a loss to do anything about it.  I lack motivation to do anything, except researching my family history and if I am really honest with myself I have only been doing that a few hours a week.  And working out…whats that??  All I want to do is sleep and read.  There are times I wander around the empty house (the kids are all in school all day) and can’t find a thing that I want to do. The house stays clean because finally I have the kids on a chore schedule, so there isn’t even as much housework to do as in the past when it overwhelmed me. I feel useless, and that I don’t have a purpose in my life.  Who would have ever have thought that the girl who hated to work so much, would feel so lost without it? Its more than just the lack of a job, its also the lack of teaching. I’ve been teaching for 10.5 years if you count my student teaching.  I miss it terribly. Its what I was meant to do and I feel lost without that purpose in my life.

I also think part of my problem is my lack of anything concrete to do. I have no deadlines…nothing that must be done outside a few appointments and helping the kids with homework and bathing the little ones every night. Outside that there is nothing. I think that now that I have attained my life’s goal of earning my BA and I am jobless and I have nothing pressing to do that the loss of the ever present deadline, the lack of the motivational stress is making me feel useless.  Also, I am here in this big, empty, dark (I don’t turn lights on during the day cause the electric bill has been so high), cold (if the air doesn’t stay on in the mornings it can’t keep up with the heat of the afternoon and the aluminum box heats up quickly), rectangular, box all day…yeah that can make you suicidal.  Gavyn went to Kindergarten and its full day here, so I am alone all day. I go visit Mom but I am so grumpy I don’t feel like talking most of  the time so I stay away most of the time as to not hurt her feelings. I’m miserable. Plain and simple…miserable.

I hate looking in the mirror. I have gained all my weight back PLUS 2 pounds. 230. Yep, I’m a loser. Even though I want to be healthy and fit. I ENJOYED being able to run. I can’t find the motivation and I can feel myself deteriorating…today I got winded walking 1/8 mile to my sisters..but there may be another reason for that.

My Merina IUD was due to be switched out in January.  But because I had no insurance I tried to go through the local health Department. Because they have an extreme lack of RNs who can do pap smears at the present time I was unable to get in to have a pap smear and have them refer me to my Doc to get it switched out until June. While I was there the nurse told me that the HD did not pay for the merina but there was an organization that paid for them but it would take a few weeks to get he paperwork processed and not everyone is approved. She asked if I wanted the paraguard instead…a copper IUD. I asked if the side effects were the same and she said yes.  She didn’t know her ass from a hole in the ground.  With Merina I barely had a period.  It was like a monthly pink discharge and that was it. With Paragard your periods get awful and heavy.  Some people bleed for months after having it put in.  So not knowing this I said yes.  Lets go with the IUD that has less paperwork and shorter waiting periods to get it.  Heck Yeah!

They referred me to my Obgyn to have it inserted because they don’t do that at the HD. I get there and the Doc informs me I will have much heavier periods withthis IUD. But I went ahead with it, cause hell I was already there.  If I had changed my mind it would have went back to the HD for another wait for an appt, and who the hell wants to go through that??

 I started bleeding immediately. At first just some spotting from the insertion but by the next night I was bleeding like…nothing I had ever experienced before in all my live long days!!! This comes from a woman who has given birth 4 times~ naturally.  That night I passed 4 blood clots the size of the palm of my hand. I was going through pads like Paris Hilton goes through men!  I got scared and got online and looked up the paragard and was shocked. As I said women bleed horribly with this thing (doc had warned me about heavier periods), and so me being “little miss I don’t have insurance and can’t afford to go to the ER” I said a prayer that I wouldn’t die in my sleep and went to bed.  I did awake the next morning (obviously) and the bleeding slowed down. I stayed pretty constant until 11 days later.

Devin is on a select soccer traveling team and he had a game in Lexington. I was with MIL and started bleeding really badly.  We were in Petsmart when I realized it and I had no pads or anything extra with me. I rolled up paper towels and kept changing them at every stop we made trying to keep from bleeding through my pants.  By the time I got home I had indeed bled through my pants. (YUCK!) I was passing blood clots constantly…some as big as 2 golf balls.  A few times in Lexington I had had this urge to push…like when you have a baby, and thinking it was a big blood clot I was passing…I pushed.  Whe I got home I went to clean myself up and as I was wiping I felt some cords….WTH?? Did I forget I had a tampon in…AND WHATS THAT THING THAT FEELS LIKE A STICK!!!! hOLY coW! My IUD had come out!!  YIKES!  I had some BC pills lying around and I started them immediately.  I knew that would help stop the bleeding. So I started those and the bleeding slacked off some, but Saturday night I was light headed and dizzy.  I don’t know if it was from the stress of the day or bloodloss, but I was a little woozy. However, being me…not wantng to bother anyone…I waited until my docs were in on Monday before I called.  The nurse at the HD was concerned and said I should have went ot the ER if I was soaking a pad every hour (Heck I was going through 2) and if your blood clots were the size of a golf ball (again had that beat).   She had me call my doc who did not seem concerned.  (WHy am I not surprised???)  He had me up my BC pills to 2 a day to help stop the bleeding.   So here we are on day 16? and I am stilll bleeding. Its not as bad but I go through a pad about every 2-3 hours and  I am still passing small blood clots.  I went back to the HD to fill out the paperwork for the charity to buy my merina for me and they checked my Iron and it was a little low.  I just feel like crap.  I am wondering if something else could be wrong because why am I still bleeding?? The IUD has been out for almost a week…I am on day 3 of upping my BCP’s to 2 a day.  The nurse I saw asked if they did a pregnancy test on me before putting it in (just in case this was a miscarriage) and I know they did.  So what could be making me do this?  I just want it to stop.  *sigh!

Hopefully I will hear next week about whether they will approve me for the merina.  If not I don’t know what I will do. I got pregnant twice on BCP’s and once on the patch.  I’m not doing that paragard-IUD-sent-straight-from-satan-thing again.  NO way!!  ANd Merina’s cost upwards of $800…for a one inch t-shaped progesterine laced piece of plastic. Ridiculous!

I signed up to substitute teach and I should get approved by the board of Education on Sep 15th. Can’t wait.  I need some sort of purpose in my life right now.  I need to work out and exercise too.  Maybe with you chickees pushing me I can get back in the swing of things.

Love to all..miss U!!

The Docs do not think she had a heartattack Saturday night to Sunday though.  So YAY for that.

So here we all are talking about losing weight and eating better.  Afterall if Mom has heart problems, then we all have that increased risk.  I am going to town tonight to buy Mom and Dad lots of heart healthier butter and Mrs. Dash seasonings.  And I’m getting myself some too!  I already have some of those things but have been slacking lately.  I’m done with being a slacker!!  I have been looking at my body with pure disgust lately, but I have been powerless to do anything abut it. So starting today I am doing 1 hour of exercise a day. I am going to run here when I get off of here (30 mins) and then I am going to do some Denise Austin exercise ball workouts (35 mins).  Then take a shower and fix the kiddies lunch and take them swimming this afternoon.   I am watching one of the kids Mom usually watches, as well as my bunch.  Should be fun.

Well ladies off to finish what I need to do.  Have  a great day and keep my Mom in your prayers today!!

UPDATE:

I ran/ walked for 30 mins.  It was good.  Even though I probably shouldn’t have been abIe to run so long, my brain knows it can, thus I can.   My right knee protested some, but overall I think I did well.  My heartrate got up to 95%.  I don’t know if that is right or not.  I was not gasping for air, and could talk if I wanted to so I do not know if that is right.  Maybe that means 95% of my targeted heart rate instead of maximum heart rate.  Need to find my heart rate monitor watch instruction booklet!  I walked for 5 mins, ran for 5, walked for 3, ran for 8, walked for 3, ran for 5, walked for 12 mins.  I walked for 12 because I couldn’t get my heartrate back down. I usually will walk until I get it down to the 60%+.  I never got it below 71%…even after walking for 12 mins!! Which means I am in a lot worse shape then I thought I was.  :(  Total Run/walk time 42 mins.  Calories burned 351.

Did 18 mins of Denise Austin Ball core complete.  Burned another 175 calories!!  Heartrate got off the scale on this one.  I’m gonna find the instruction book for this thing!76

Total calorie burn for the day 526!!! 

NO caloric drinks

Lower my sugar intake

Eat heart healthy choices

Calorie Goal            1400-1600

Breakfast  10:00 Am (not hungry)                 Calories

Raisin, date, and Walnut Oatmeal                     140

10 dark chocolate blueberries                             90

8 oz. Water

Breakfast total>……………………………………….230

I walked 4.2 miles with Sis#3 last night. It was so nice to hang out with her and sweat at the same time!!  We talked about old times and ppl we knew.  Wish I could see her more often. This morning I have done 38 minutes on the wii fit and I am going to do 20 minutes of TBL.  The Wii fit reported that I am 1.8 pounds down in 6 days so yay to that. Now I just need to keep it moving!!  I’m not eating all day. Just clear liquids. I know, I know!  I don’t want to be preached at, but I am so sick of being fat and this is the only way I ever have any type of success.  So I will allow myself clear liquids and have whatever I want for dinner.  I am dreaming of grilled tilapia but don’t know if BF will go for that again. We just had that the day before yesterday.

Speaking of BF, things are better. :)  We had a huge, even uglier fight on Sunday and I got fed up took the kids to a civil war reenactment and then called his Mother.  He won’t listen to me but being the Momma’s boy that he is he listens to her. I told him about how he has OCD about the house and how he gripes at me and the kids about it constantly. She talked to him and things have been better ever since.  He has bitten his tongue when things haven’t gotten done the way he wants them and I finally got our bedroom all done.  I have a hard time cleaning with my ADD. I’m not good at organizing , and if the job looks too big then I just won’t do it at all. I literally can’t bring myself to do it, which is why DD’s room is so bad you can’t walk in it.  But she and I have a deal and we are going to start working on her room for one hour a day.  That way it gets done slowly and I don’t get overwhelmed!!

I woke up with a bad headache and can’t seem to get rid of it.  Well off to finish what I need to get done!