Chasing away Chubby
…my scandelous pursuit of 155!
I am a single Mother of 4 children. I have 3 boys ages; 18, 12, and 6 and a daughter who is 8. I have been struggling with my weight almost my entire adult life.
“How I Got fat”
My name is Melody and I am a single Mother with 4 kids. When I was in High school I was a runner…track and cross country. I used to be able to run a 6:00 minute mile! Once I ran 16 miles all at once. But those days are long gone, and I am here, overweight and miserable and looking to get back in shape.
Why I became overweight? It’s not like it was a conscious decision. It’s one of those things that sneaks up on you. I had my first child while I was in High School. After I graduated life just took over. I was going to college, working 2 jobs, and raising my son on my own. There wasn’t time to workout. After a few years I got involved with the father of my youngest 3 children. After a few years the relationship became abusive. He is an alcoholic and he used drugs back then. He does not now. He began using crack and became abusive…both physically and mentally. Mental abuse is much worse then physical abuse. I would rather be punched in the face countless times ten to be called every dispicable name in the book. He cheated on me repeatedly and for some reason I stood by him regardless of how bad things got (self esteem?) until one day in 2002 things blew up and I got sick of it and had him arrested. We broke up for 3 months and I lost 30 pounds. We got back together and I swear we would not have lasted if I had not had baby #4. We moved in together and things were better then the first time, he stopped the drugs, but I couldn’t take his drinking and I left after 18 months. By this time I gained all the weight back plus some. We are still a “couple.”. During this time I got diagnosed with arthritis and fibromyalgia. The arthritis is the worst, but has gotten 100% better since I have been running. (Which doesn’t make sense since bang your joints against pavement is suppose to hurt! Lol!) During all the bad times I turned to food. It’s embarrassing the amount of food I used to eat. It was MY drug and my comfort. I have been trying to lose weight for years now only to lose a few pounds and then gain it back. I have had excruciating stomach problems for several years now. If my stomach became empty I would be in terrible pain and sometimes would end up in the ER. So now I ate to stop the pain. I began my weight loss endevour to lose weight in Jan 2007 and by April when I hadn’t lost anything i got mad and went to the doctor. They ran all kinds of tests, and all sorts of scopes and things, and all they know is II have inflamed lymphnodes in my stomach and I have gastritis. No clue why! So it was the last test on July 3rd that broke the camel’s back-so to speak. I had to have a procedure done and had to be on a liquid diet for 24 hours before and then nothing to eat after midnight. The surgeon was running way behind and I didn’t get taken back into surgery until 3:30! It was almost 6:00PM by the time I left the hospital. 42 hours without solid food. Something in me snapped that day. I began only eating one meal a day and eventually as I have gotten more active have branched that out to a very light lunch (under 500 calories) and dinner. Dinner is usually whatever i want but I try to use my head and not go overboard. I don’t count calories or anything. Then my Sister started walking and i did too and before long we started running. I had been struggling with running when I found the C25K. I skipped the first week and dove right in. I repeated week 2 because I was having such shin pain. I eventually got to where I could run 3 miles without stopping. It felt good. I lost 26 pounds.
Then I went back to college. Being a Mom, working full time, and going to college full time was so hard. There was no time to workout and I began eating whatever was in the house. In Jan of 2009 I started student teaching. The pressure was on and I let exercise and my diet fall by the wayside. I ate everything in sight and as of last week was at my all time high of 237 with my clothes on!!! It has to stop. It stops today.
My Diet Plan
I have been trying to lose weight for years and I have had some success just to gain it back, plus some. I have been having some stomach problems and the Docs have no idea what is causing them. I have started a “contoversial” diet, I have thought up myself. It goes like this. I am on a liquid diet for much of the day. I can drink all I want. I typically drink V8, water, juice, kool-aid, tea, lemonade, broth, and eat Jello if I get really hungry. Then I eat one meal a day. Usually my meal is dinner, but I can eat whenever I feel like doing so. I can eat whatever I want also, so if I want chocolate…I can have it later. I want a Big Mac, oh I can eat that later too. No food is forbidden so I can stay with it. The funny thing is that I don’t get hungry if I can drink, so I am not starving myself. This helps control my incredible overpowering urges to just shove everything in my mouth all day long. I have had some people say to me like…you should eat, this isn’t safe, blah, blah, blah. Well it is not safe being this overweight either. How safe is it living with this weight, knowing that I could drop dead from a heart attack, or that I could develop diabetes? I am not hungry, I am not starving…
We live in a society where food is readily available to us. Everywhere we go there is food, drive down the street you will see fast food restaurants, venders, grocery stores, the list goes on and on. At home there is food in the refrigerator, food in the cabinets, on the table, on TV, we are reminded to eat constantly every single day. We are bombarded by food! Is it any wonder we are overweight? Nature did not intend for us to eat as frequently as we do. That is why we have that little mechanism in us that stores excess calories as fat. Because the body thinks there will be leaner times ahead of us and it stores the fat to ensure that we will not die from starvation. However, in this great nation, those times just don’t occur for the great majority of us. Thanks to our social services, even the poorest among us has food to eat daily. If you ever hear of a child starving it is much more likely that, that child is a victim of neglect than there wasn’t any food around for the child to eat. For this reason I think that maybe the 3 squares a day is just a little much for some of us.
We live sedetary lives, we sit watching our TV, watching the computer screen, exercising our fingers, and not our bodies. Honestly, how many calories a day does it take to run a body that is mostly at rest? Even I who am a little more active, am not needing at this point more than one meal a day to survive. That may change as I become, more active, and lose more weight. There may come a time when I can eat lunch too, since I need the extra fuel. But at this time, no I don’t need it, so why eat it? It goes back to what doctors and other experts have been telling us all along. “Eat when your hungry.”
This is an experiment. It may fail. I may find that in a few days that one meal a day is leaving me foggy headed, or I just can’t do it anymore. My food addiction may just get the best of me and I may just give up. But it’s worth a try. If I can get any type of success out of this at all, that is one step closer to me being healthy…and that is a step in the right direction.
I think I am on the right track with this. Yes, I am hungry sometimes but I have learned there are worse things then being hungry for awhile…like heartattacks, not being able to run, getting winded walking uphill, not having the energy to play with my kids. If the hunger is actual hunger…signified by a growling stomach, lightheadedness, sugar crashing, I eat, but most of that has not happened yet. I feel really good too. Much of the time after I would eat I would feel bad. My stomach would hurt, I would get sleepy and lazy feeling. I don’t get that way on this…my own individual plan. I have finally renamed my “diet”. It is called the “cold turkey diet.” I always said if I could stop eating “Cold turkey” I could lose weight, unfortunatey I have to eat to survive. For years I have had stomach pain and I would try to eat away my pain. I would hurt extremely bad if my stomach got empty so I lived in fear of that happening. I have been trying to lose weight since January and in April after having tried to eat healthy and still no change in my weight, I went back to my doctor and made them run tests to figure out what is wrong with my stomach. They ran a bunch of tests, did an endoscopy and a colonoscopy, and still don’t really know what is wrong with it. I have gastritis an inflamation of my stomach lining and my nodes are swollen and inflamed. So after doing a liquid diet for an entire day and then nothing at all for 17 hours, I knew i didn’t have to eat my pain away. I could do it if I was allowed to drink. I am a binge eater, and once I start eating I can not stop. So this works out perfectly for me. I drink liquids all day. Usually V8, juicy juices, iced tea, water, and eat S/F jello. I could drink broth if I wanted but haven’t done that yet. So I drink all day and eat one meal a day. Usually it is Dinner. I can manage my eating this way because I can’t over eat if I don’t start. Sometimes I will eat lunch or grab a snack if the hunger gets too be too much, or I just can no longer control the urge to shove something in my mouth. I am losing weight, which is a good thing. So I am going to keep at this until I just slip off the wagon…which I do sometimes, or it becomes obvious to me that I need more calories. I am working out and if I feel like I am not eating enough to sustain my workouts, then i will change my plan. I figure eventually after I get used to listening to my body’s cues that I will eventually go to a “eat only when you are hungry” plan. But right now…until I can get control, this is the way for me. I know many of you have concerns, but I am truly being careful and listening to my body.