MAD-as hell Rant. Caution!!
The weather has gotten colder and I can no longer go on pretending that summer is still here. *Sigh. It is a cool 46 degrees outside. It is getting down to 38 degrees tonight. I think that I am going to go to the building and pull out a heater. It will be frigid in the morning if I do not. I also need to pull in the castus They are hardy down to 30 degrees…well 38 is a little too close for comfort. Must pull in the cacti.
We will be going straight from the air conditioner to the heaters. I was hoping for a small electric bill before that happened. 
And to think Sunday we were at the lake…swimming.
Tomorrow morning is soccer. My team of 4-6 year olds will be little popscicles in the morning. Our game is at 9:00 AM. It will still be in the low 40’s. Brrrrr!!!
I really should be working on my CKPT II portfolio for college. But I need a break.
BF and I are not doing well. I am not happy. I am regretting that we got back together at all after his cheating. Now that the shock is worn off, I am just put out with him, and I just don’t feel like going through it again. It’s too much work. It’s easier to leave them then it is to stay with them. To make things worse he is not giving me the attention I need. That is a problem. I should be his only concern. Excuse me fucker, you just cheated on me… (well, 2 months ago) I need your Fucking attention.
But fuck me…I’m not important. It’s all about him-always about him.
Do I sound a little disgruntled, unhappy, pissed off.
Well I am.
I work my ass off, bent over backwards, sideways, and every other way imaginable, took everything he handed out, forgave him for what he did before, did my best to let it go. I try to be good to him, tried to get over it, (& I had a MOUNTAIN of anger to get over) but no- he has to screw everything up.
Because his dick is more important than our entire life together, or our childen’s lives- EVERYTHING. And forget protecting my life. All that matters is his nut.
Bastard.
I am angry. I am pissed. I am beyond mad. I am a ticking time bomb.
I wanna hit something.
like his face.
I already beat up his whore. (See blog in August)
But it doesn’t fix the hurt I feel…though it does make me feel a little better. 
Breathe…just breathe.
Tonight we went out to eat with Sis3 and Sis2 and their families. We had a pretty good time. The neat part was I got checked out by 3 men…
count ‘em…3.
Yeah it made me feel good.
I got my fat belly diet books and have already read the first 2 chapters.
I am also now taking Alli. It punishes you if you are bad. LOL!
There is a 3K I wanna do in December. That is 1.86 miles. I can sooooo do that!
Well, I got to get ready for bed. I have tons of work to do before Tuesday. And my day starts at 7:00 tomorrow.
Posted on October 17th, 2008 by lodyangel
Filed under: General
Yo lody, yeah, you sound pissed off all right and it sounds like you have every right. The guy sounds like you should just drop him. Or just have NO expectations from him. I am feeling so bad now so your post (I’m sorry) was like a bright note because I didn’t feel so alone. Sigh.
Hope you feel better. You go for that 3K. Good luck on the weight loss! Ciao.
sisterchick,
Let me just say you deserve to be mad as heck and he should be falling over himself to make it all up to you.
You focus on YOU and make yourself healthy, strong, and lose weight for you. You take care and i hope that you have a nice weekend.
Joy
http://3fatchicks.com/diet-blogs/callmejj/
You are definitely going through a lot right now. I won’t pretend to know what you should do, just follow your instincts.
How fantastic, though, that you got checked out by 3 guys. That’s a huge boost to your self-esteem. Sometimes that little bit of courage is enough to make you realize that you can do anything.
Let me know how the Alli works. I have always thought of taking it but am afraid of the side effects.
Dang hon.
You know how I feel about this situation. Better off alone than dealing with someone who is not ‘completel’y’ there - having been through this - I can tell you how I feel. Nobody is perfect - that’s true but if you’ve noticed that it’s a ‘theme’ in your relationship - then Ms. Mel - you need to break free so YOU can explore your other options and OBVIOUSLY you have them honey. It’s all up to you.
So simple, I know - but so difficult at the same time. When I think of how many years I was in a relationship that I was the one who was giving all and the other person was fucking around. Yep. WASTED years.
Trust me boo - it’s not easy bein’ 41 and single.
But it’s a decision you’ll need to make when you’re ready. When you are finally sick of it - then you’ll break free. I’m not promising you a rose garden on the other side, but you know what - YOU are in charge and not at the mercy of somebody else’s bullshit.
Thats for shizzle.
Love ya Mel - and that little 3 k - you will kill it.
You beautiful, SMART, strong woman you!
Rock it baby - rock it!
xoxoxoxo
has he done something new to piss you off or you’re just realizing that you don’t want to be with him?