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Sad Sunday

Posted lodyangel on September 30th, 2007 | Filed under General

Well weight this morning is 203!!  That is 6 pounds in like 2 days!  I am 4 pounds from one~derland!  I tried all month to lose this weight and then it just starts falling off.    Of course my squashed appetite probably doesn’t hurt much. 

I’m a little sad today.  Not too much.  I know I will be okay.  I talked to him yesterday and he swore up and down that he didn’t do anything with her. I just don’t believe him.  I have heard all of that before only to find out it was all lies.  As they say ladies…Once a cheater, always a cheater!    So to show how sorry he was he went out last night with his crackhead cousin that I hate and well, that tells you right there what he truly thinks of me…nothing.  The thing is I KNOW all of this already.   I have had these exact thoughts on a daily basis for the last 10 years at least.  The thing that is killing me is that he doesn’t care.  How can you be with someone for 12 years and NOT care if they leave you?  UGH!  I just can’t take this anymore.

He just called and I told him it was over.  I can’t take this anymore.  He obviously has no respect for me and well, I am sick of waiting for him to get some.  You know, I am such a good girl.  I am responsible, I raise his kids alone.  Hell, I even know that I am pretty, especially now that I have lost some weight.  I really thought that one day he would wake up and think..Damn I’m a lucky man.  But it’s not gonna ever happen.  He doesn’t see me that way.  I am a doormat to him and that’s all.  I have been the biggest idiot the last 12-1/2 years. 

I let life pass me by because I was hung up on an imbecile.  I let him make me believe that I was worthless.  You know in 12 years he has never once told me I was pretty.  I think that is what caused me to become what I was.  Fat, nasty, depressed…I was so unhappy with myself.  Now I can see what I had become and I am trying to change it.  I am too good for him…obviously because I keep catching him with crack whores and gutter sluts.   That must be what he truly wants.

Well I am going to go on my 3 mile run here in a little while.  I am hoping to run it all!  I need to clean up the house and do some laundry and homework.   I didn’t do anything yesterday.  Sat on the computer, mostly on myspace,  and laid on the couch.  I don’t know what I am hoping for.  I need to just take some time for me.  I don’t want another man.  I am not very good at picking good ones.   I think I would rather just be alone.  Afterall, single women live longer then married women…I would be extending my life span!      :)

Well more later!



One Response to “Sad Sunday”

  1. Angelique Says:
    September 30th, 2007 at 7:31 pm

    Wow, talk about my history repeating itself for you. Let me tell you that you are going to be fine and and in the long run so much happier. It may not seem like it right now but its true. I don’t know why we allow ourselves to be so short-changed by people (men). I don’t want to believe its so much a lack of self esteem as it is wanting someone so badly to love us fully and to reciprocate that love. Its our basic nature as women but we need to turn on our jerk radar and listen to our intution when it trys to tell that something isn’t right. As you continue to lose the weight you will find there will be a lot of things changing in your world and its because you are taking the necessary steps to be your best self and you’ll realize that you deserve so much more than you are getting. Please be strong and know that love will come your way again but let it be the kind of love you have always dreamed of - not anyone’s hand-me-down kind of love. I believe in you.

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