The Chubby Barista!

and I’ve already given into temptation today. So I said in my earlier blog that the hardest thing at work is resisting my favorite fatty drink and my wonderful cheesy chonga bagel with cream cheese. Well…. I resisted the drink… lol yeah. So I walk into work this morning, and my boss tells me that we got 5 packages of Chonga bagels instead of just 2, like we were supposed to get. So, he said that we could help ourselves to one of the packages. ugh. Dangit! I couldn’t help it, I tell you! It sucked. To be perfectly honest…. I had 2. UUUGGGGHHH!!!

I’ve just gotta learn more self control.

Well I just finished the bikini top that I was working on for our work party. It looks fantastic! And I even went to Target and bought a really awesome bikini for 20 bucks! So I’m gonna wear my bikini, then wear my knitted top, then my tank top on top of that and my jeans. I think I look mmmmmmmmmmmgood. YAY FOR FEELING GOOD ABOUT MYSELF! So it wasn’t an overall failure of a day. At least I was able to look into a full length mirror and actually like what I was seeing. That’s a HUGE step for me. I’m so proud of myself! It motivates me even more!

That I’m also a Knitter? I’ve been knitting for about 6-ish years now, maybe more. My mom took it up after my great-grandma died, and she taught me the craft. I’m currently working on a bikini top that I’m gonna wear to my work party on Wednesday (it’s on the lake/a boat), which I will, of course, be wearing a tank top and swim shorts over. Anyway, I’m very excited about how it’s turning out.

This morning, I woke up at 5:30 and could not get back to sleep, of course, so I decided to put on my shoes and some sweats, plug in my knitting podcasts on my Zune, and go for a fast-pace-walk. I’m so proud of myself! I think I’ll reward myself with some wheat toast with some jam on it. yum! Josh (my husband) wants waffles made from our new anniversary gift (lol that’s not tempting…… at all….), but I will persivere as I eat my toast and make his waffles, not to make a second one for me. Nope! I’ve taken some bold “steps” today (haha didn’t REALLY mean for that to be a pun), and I’m not about to waste those burnt calories on rich, syrup-py waffles. (*drool* dangit!)

Oh well…. I might make some scrambled eggs too. Maybe just use one yolk and the rest the whites. Sound good? it does to me

Besides the way I feel about what I look like in pictuers, I have other reasons for wanting to lose weight.

#1- I come from a family of overweight people. Most people in my family, immediate and distant, have struggled with weight issues. I would love to overcome that.

#2- I also come from a family that struggles with diabetes. I can name a few people, including my dad, who struggle/struggled with diabetes. I REALLY need to take the steps to prevent that. The last thing I want to deal with is glucos levels and blood sugar.

#3- I struggle with sleep. When I’m overweight, I can’t sleep for the life of me, and that, in turn, doesn’t help with my food control during the day. It stinks hardcore. Hopefully, this journey will improve my sleep (it did last time) so I can, you know…. Have a life, maybe??

….. there is another reason. Not quite as exciting to tell, either. You see, I work in a really awesome work environment. My boss is awesome, my co-workers are great, I love what I do! But….. I also work….. generally… with really skinny co-workers. Not tiny, but healthy, like they go to the gym all the time, they do something to keep them in shape, and it just seems so easy for them. I have to admit, I’m a bit jealous and a little intimidated. Not the greatest feeling.

I wanna take care of myself. I wanna be able to go hiking with my friends. I wanna be able to go shopping for clothes and feel good about myself when I buy something instead of depressed. I wanna (don’t laugh) go bungee jumping one day. I wanna get healthy enough to get up in the morning, hook up my Zune, and go running. I wanna take a freakin’ picture of myself and look at it without the feeling of disgust.

I don’t wanna be ultra skinny. I want an athletic, healthy body that I can love. My husband loves me, thank God, no matter what my weight is. But I think that I would be happier if I was healthier. I’d most likely be healthier emotionally,too.

Anyway, I’ll stop rambling, and get to my stats: (I’m being perfectly honest now)

Height: 5′10″

Weight: 198 lbs.

Goal Weight: 150 lbs.

Emotional goal: To have confidence in myself. To feel good about my health.

Exercise goal: Walk at least 3 times a week. Do my crunches and push-ups every night.

That’s all for now. Thanks all for the support! Lord knows I need it

The start to my new life…… again.

I’ve had problems with being overweight since I was in the 4th grade. Not exactly the most comfortable childhood at that point, especially since I had enough problems with my frizzy red hair at the time. Now, on top of that, I had my chubby, still child-type body to worry about.

Well, at the age of 14, I was fed up with it, and my mom was getting pretty fed up with her problems too. So we both joined Weight Watchers. I fell in love! Well, of course, not the first week (I wanted to run away screaming), but once I adjusted to keeping track of my food intake and drinking more water, I actually started feeling healthier right away. I lost 15 pounds, which, after I went through my girly phases, that was all I needed to lose. I felt on top of the world! I had TONS of support from our group, and it was really nice living with someone, particularly the person who paid for the food in the house, who was trying to eat the same things I was. So I had it pretty good.

I was able to keep that weight off for a good 5 1/2-6 years. It took me a year to take it off, so in turn, it took me a while to put it back on. But I did. You know why?

….. I got married.

Don’t get me wrong, I couldn’t be happier. I absolutely love my husband! Our 1 year is coming up next week too! Sadly though, because of family inheritances, like being prone to blood clots, I’m limited on birth controls, except for one that, unfortunately, made me gain weight again. So with that, and the fact that I’m newly married, I’ve gained my weight back and more, within a year!

UGH!!!!!

It doesn’t help that i work for Starbucks, and I’m allowed to have up to 5 beverages per shift, and I have to serve, look, and drool over our wonderful, luxorious, extremely fattening pastries.

I’m hoping that this blog and being a part of this site, along with the support of my mom, who is still battling with her weight loss too, but luckily only lives 10 minutes away, will give me the encouragement and the inspiration to get off my couch and beat this weight gain in the butt!