giving it a little bit of

Got into some old jeans yesterday. I feel like I can finally believe that I’m doing this, that it’s not all just a fluke and that I am actually achieving something. I normally look at the scales and think that they must be broken, or that it’s only a temporary fluctuation in my weight, or that I haven’t done enough to deserve this. But putting on some old jeans really made it hit home. Oh the vanity!

I think the true test is going to be when I hit 85 kilos - only a matter of days away. Then I have to quit smoking and start to excersise. I’ll be testing myself like I haven’t since I was a competetive swimmer - I think if I manage both of those things I’ll recognise that I am capable of doing this.

Man, at this rate I could be at my goal by my sister’s wedding! Actually AT MY GOAL. The same size as my sisters!

I keep picturing going home in my head as a sort of reality tv style “reveal”. When in real reality it’s going to be nothing like that, even if I get to my goal, my sister is getting married. It is about HER, megan. Still, I can’t help but picture what I’ll wear when I get there (again, very different to reality) - off the plane, grey wide legged slacks and a black singlet with some coloured bangles (reality - leggings and a t-shirt with plane hair) - visiting my old job, smart, bright pencil skirt and white tank, hair flowing and lustrous (probably my old dove dress with holes in it). Anyway, you get the picture. but can’t a girl dream? If I get close to my goal I’ll reward myself by buying one of these outfits.

Job interview today! It’s a monday to friday job which is ace - and if I get it I’ll get to quit that horrible nightmare of a Hilton. I hope hope hope hope I get it. I should - if I’m qualified to to anything it’s this.

So fingers crossed.

loves,

megan.