giving it a little bit of

It was my birthday yesterday -croissant for breakfast, healthy lunch, jaffa cakes (!) then japanese for dinner (creamy scallaps, blackend cod and creme brulee for dessert! Oh dear). Along with all of this a half a bottle of wine. I think I went at least 500cal over my limit.

The positive in this is that I don’t feel guilty about it and I haven’t beaten my self up at all, which I think is a sign of how my attitude to getting healthy has changed. I’m feeling a bit smug about it in any case.

A negative is how horrible I feel this morning! I think it is the food as well as the wine, dinner was very sweet and creamy (and amazing). When I drink, I smoke - I had a cigarette for every drink yesterday, and a cigarette for every conversation with a family member over the phone (I have a big family). So in general I feel very crappy.

I think today will be a good one - healthy breakfast so far.

I just need to get out there and excersise! I am too afraid of people seeing me jiggle about to run, and definitely not looking forward to getting my bathers (swimmers, trunks) out for the summer. I’ve got to start somewhere and so far have not decided where or when that somewhere will be.

I was insulted re: my appearance yesterday by a teenager. At the time I wasn’t too upset, but by the time I got home I had worked myself into a frenzy of indignation. I spent about half an hour lying in bed thinking of cutting and witty retorts, things I should have said. Ooh that girl would have been crying herself to sleep for WEEKS.

I like to think that I am fairly self-confident, but somehow I end up letting little remarks get past me. The other night we were out to dinner and some friends of a friend were making jokes about people with red hair. Instead of putting my hand up and saying I found it offensive, I just sat there embarrassed and demeaned. I like my red hair! I put these sort of remarks on par with someone saying an overweight person should just hop on a treadmill. Because it’s THAT easy, obviously.

All those bloody cardboard cut out, run of the mill average Joes can sit there and glorify in their sameness. I hate them but I want oh so much to be one of them.

Had an average eating weekend - with an extra large portion of Sunday roast and a smattering of gin and tonic. Still counting calories and was pleased to see that I did not have as big a blow out as I thought. Though that theme park doughnut yesterday may have put me over the edge…