* Little Small *

ME:

I just wanted to admit to you that I’m eating my emotions in the form of a 210g bag of Cheezies and a slice of red velvet chocolate cake I bought at Safeway a half hour ago.

My admission is brought on by the very fact that I’m on a mission to drop weight but at this very moment my emotions are taking over.

* stands up *  Hi, my name is ******** and I eat my emotions.

BEST FRIEND:

As your best friend and life-long supporter of your fight against the return of the bulge, I appreciate your honesty.  That being said, put down the sugar-monsters after you’re done what you have.

And remember:

I’m on my last week of bc pills which means I’m once again bloated and craving salt like nobody’s biz.  It doesn’t help that this vicious cycle has me in a freakshow mood because I’m ALREADY bloated but yet here I am needing my junkie salt fix but that which I can’t have because it’ll only make me even more puffy.  *eyes buggin’ out*  Damnit.  *kicks the floor*  I DID have a snack sized bag of Cheese Pleesers last night but honestly, that didn’t jack for me.  I WANT SALT … like REAL foods with REAL salt … but meh, I drink water instead.  Ech.

Hahahah!  Maaaaaaan, do BOYS go through the same emotional and mental roller coasters WE go through?  I mean really … do they have mad cravings for salt or sweet or greasy?  Do they have moments when they look into the mirror and think, “Sh*t I STILL look fat in these jeans…”?  Do they sit around and talk to their friends about how they can’t wait to be THIS size so they can wear THIS dress by THIS date?  No, they don’t.  But we do.  And it sucks.  I think boys just kinda DO IT but don’t really talk about it in detail like we do.  *snickering*  Or maybe they do.  I don’t know, I’m on a tangent.  I just want salt.

I worked out this morning however my mind wasn’t in it today but I did manage to clock my HIIT in but opted out of doing weights.  I feel great at this very moment and I feel nothing but accomplishment in going in but I do have to admit that I’m SO happy it’s rest day tomorrow. *thumbs up* 

Anyhow … back to work …

Program:

Cardio:  30 minutes HIIT

Breakfast:  1 banana, 1 hard boiled egg, water

Snack:  ?

Lunch:  less than 1/2 serving of rice, 2.5 servings of stewed veggies (eggplant, green beans, bitter melon, tomato, chayote squash), 1 servings of stewed lean pork, water

Snack:  probably none - lunch is pretty hefty

Dinner: ?

Okay.  I’ve been M.I.A. and because of that I’ve had a horrible last week.  I don’t know WHAT was up with me ~ moody, off, weird, unfocused, non-chalant ~ I just had one of those weeks where everything was just blah and I was blasé about everything and everyone around me.  But that has worn off and I’m back.  I do have to admit that I worked out ONCE last week and my eating patterns were less than victorious however I didn’t go hardcore overboard but let me tell you after three weeks of eating nothing but veggies and lean meats, the ingestion of a cupcake, sukiyaki beef and fries with seasoning salt was heaven.  But alas, those glory days are over and I’m back to hard-boiled eggs as snacks, steamed veggies as the brunt of my meals and  1/4 lean protein and 1/4 complex carb as my complimentaries.  Woo.  Actually no, it’s not that I’m sad about it … well maybe a little bit … but MAN is it ever HARD to eat so well and so …. RIGHT.  Ech.  It’s so much easier to be bad, isn’t it?  *sigh*

True to my word, I worked out yesterday and again this morning paired off with fabulous eating choices so all is well in the Queendom once again.  I have nineteen days to my vacation and I’m extremely excited so I have MORE than enough motivation to get me going even though I ALMOST bailed this morning but I dragged my ass out of bed and headed to the gym to burn the fat.  I’m doing this and I’m doing it right.  One more workout day tomorrow and I get my Wednesday off!  Weeeeeeeee!  Man, why can’t we North Americans be patient like Europeans and just S-L-O-W-L-Y lose the weight by walking everywhere, eating fresh and just paying no mind to what our bodies are doing except to enjoy our moments the moment they’re happening?  Why?  Because we are IMPATIENT m*ther f*ckers … well, at least IIIIIIII am.  Double boo.

Anyhow, I’m back and I’m feeling GRANDE!

Program:

Cardio:  30 minutes HIIT

Breakfast:  2.5 crab apples, 1 mug green tea, 1 hard boiled egg

Snack:  1 banana, water

Snack 2:  1.5 servings of cucumber, grape tomatoes and 1/2 serving of Greek feta with black pepper, water

Lunch:  2 servings of bokchoy cooked with soya sauce, less than 1/2 serving of white rice, 5 steamed mussels seasoned with Italian herb seasoning and lemon pepper; 1.5 servings of cubed cantaloupe, water

Snack:  1 nectarine, 1 mug of genmai-cha green tea

Dinner:  homemade vegetable stew (chayote squash, indian eggplant, indian bitter melon with slices of lean pork), 1 serving of white rice, water

Snack:  ?

Hello my Lovelies!

I’ve been M.I.A. but you’ll be pleased to know that I’ve been on-point with my program ~ for the MOST part that is.  Actually, no no, I’ve been good, I’ve been eating relatively well, I went to the gym yesterday and did 45 minutes HIIT with a 15 minute cool-down however I have NOT been sleeping well and I know it has everything to do with my mattress.  You know it’s time for a new one the moment you hear the bed springs popping.  *eyes buggin’ out*  Orrrrrr maybe it has to do with the fact that I’ve reunited with the ex-boyfriend and I’m now regretting that decision.  Hmmmm….

Anyways, I’ve been on a fish/seafood/veggie/whole grain diet and as great as it has been it’s also been HARD.  Who knew?  I’m so used to eating chicken but this diet calls for seafoods ONLY and apparently chicken and beef (for obvious reasons) don’t make the list.  I haven’t been suffering as much as I would if I only ate fruits, veggies and grains OR chicken, fruits, veggies no grains but I’m STILL ’suffering’ a little bit even if it’s in the form of slight headaches or mild nausea.  Weird?  Maybe.  Anyhow, I think it has EVERYTHING to do with the fact that my calorie intake has reduced signifcantly from what I used to ingest and so the body is adjusting.  Will it ever be fine-tuned running machine without me having to tweak it every so often?  Probably not.  Boo.

Depending on how I feel I’ll head into the gym after dinner for my cardio session.  I’m very tired today and I’m slightly on the moody/off side … women *smiling* … so we’ll see how that goes for me.  Actually, probably going into the gym will be the BEST thing for my moodiness.  Natural endorphines!  How can anyone go wrong with those? *nods*

Mkay my darlings, I hope all is well in your Queendoms.  I shall read your entires in the next couple of hours!

WE’RE DOING THIS!

I loathe my boss.  If she were to drop off the face of the earth by the Universe’s will, I wouldn’t blink twice. *spits*

Aaaanywaaaaaaaaays…

Hello my darlings!  I trust your weekend was fabulous.  I, Little Small, am not too proud to admit that I had a cheat WEEKEND as opposed to a cheat day.  And with a cheat weekend, I’m now bloated and somewhat regretting the chicken wings, pizza, half prime rib burger, half Jack Daniel’s pulled pork sandwich and small fries I ingested this past Saturday and Sunday.  Of course I didn’t eat those things ALL at once but just for the fact I ate them makes me crinkle my nose.  However, with that admission out of the way, I have FOUR weeks until I hit up the Big Smoke and so as of today I’m on an advanced cardio program I’ve personally put myself on.  Honestly, I’m not too bent on this past weekend only because I know I’ve been INCREDIBLY good the past three weeks but as of yesterday, Sunday, I’m on the home stretch to victory and my mind is in it.  *thumbs up* 

I’m bumping up my cardio to 45 minutes HIIT five days a week, from 30 HIIT 4-6 days a week, which is going to kick my ass.  I’m looking forward to it but I’ve noticed that when I do 45 minutes of cardio at high intensity intervals I’m SO bagged after my workout I want to sleep.  I don’t have that same energy I have after a 30 minute session … weird … so it’ll be a bit of a challenge to get through the latter half of my workday since I’ll be working out during the lunch hour.  I’ll manage.  This program and my wellness mean more to me than anything right now so I have the “protect at all costs” mentality when it comes to my eating choices and exercise regimen.   

Tangent…

Oh my goodness, Terminator aka Boss, just came into my office and gave me SH*T for a mistake SHE made.  I told her to essentially suck it of course in not so many words.  She still tried to put that mistake on me.  I ignored her.  She left my office.  I cannot even BEGIN to tell you how much I LOATHE that cow.  COW.  And thing is, NOBODY likes her … NOBODY.  She has the title of “Terminator” for a reason.  ARrrrrrrrrrrrgh!!!  *$(*WUHSEKJH(%&#**#(@(!!!!

Untangent…

I can’t wait to get into the gym today.  At this point I need it.  I’m ready to bust some kneecaps. 

Sorry for the turn in positive energy into biting energy…boo.

Program:

Cardio:  45 mins HIIT

Breakfast:  1 banana, 1 mug of green 

Snack:  1/2 baked yam, 2 servings of cubed cantaloupe, 1 mug of green tea

Lunch:  less than 1/2 serving of steamed white rice, 6 broiled mussels with Italian seasoning, 2.5 servings of stirfry veggies (bokchoy with soya sauce), water

Snack:  1/2 of baked yam

Dinner:  ?

I’ve decided I’m going to immerse myself in yoga ~ Hatha yoga ~ after I reach my goal weight.  I’ve tried Ashtanga and as good as it was, it wasn’t so great for me.  I didn’t enjoy it as much as Best Friend did, which now has her prepping for her yoga certifications come January 2010, but the concept of yoga and the ideals of yoga appeal to me.  I believe in ‘being one’ with my soul, my heart and my mind.  I believe in ‘being one’ with my Universe and my God.  I know, it sounds hokey, but there’s just SO MUCH MORE to being healthy and being ‘physically healthy’ is only ONE aspect of things. 

The first time ’round, I incorporated holistic health practices into my weight loss program by meditating for 15 minutes sometime during my day, acupuncture, organic eating, giving thanks to my Universe, full body massages, cold water therapy, dry skin brushing and so many other things that only ENCHANCED my weight loss and made me feel like I was doing something GREAT for my internal myself as opposed to just my external self.  I mean yes, losing weight does wonders for the body internally but come on, it’s most definitely a physical/vanity thing is it not?  No matter what people say we ALL want to look our BEST in front of the world but doing all the holistic stuff made me feel calm inside and that’s something I want to re-incorporate back into my life.  And so I am.

Slowly and surely, I want to be a yogini (student of yoga) so I’ve set a goal come May 2010 to do a 30-day sunrise yoga challenge which has me doing yoga at 6:30am to 7:45am for 30 days.  When Best Friend did it, she fell in love with it so quickly that yoga is now a part of her life like breathing.  But in due time for me, I don’t want to saturate myself with too many things otherwise I’ll be spread too thinly.  So then, cardio/strength training ~ goal weight ~ hatha yoga … these are my goals.  And I’m loving them. =)

WE’RE DOING THIS MY LOVELIES!!!

Program:  30 HIIT cardio

Breakfast:  1 nectarine, 1 slice of blueberry banana bread, 1 mug of green tea

Snack:  1 banana and 1 hard boiled egg, water

Lunch:  1 serving of baked chicken breast with seasoning salt, lemon pepper and black pepper, less than 1/2 serving of white rice, stir fry veggies (bokchoy, enoki mushrooms, snap peas with soy sauce), 1 mug of green tea

Snack:  1 nectarine, water

Dinner:  ?

YES!  *pumps fist*  Yes yes yes, I most definitely LOVE the mid-day workouts.  Thanks Oogi!  I agree, working out right at the lunch hour gives me the jolt I need AND it breaks me away from the office and Terminator (my boss … ech!) which has me smiling.  Although, admittedly, I don’t like how I was clock watching whilst on the eliptical but meh, whatever, I got my 30 minutes of HIIT in and my evenings are FREEEEE!  I’m on it again tomorrow. *nods*

Tangent:  Why are men stupid?  Not all men but … well … 3/4’s of the male population, why are they  SO stupid?  “I don’t know what I want” … “I love you but it’s a different kind of love” … “I don’t want to let you go” … “I love spending time with you” … blah blah blah … YES, I’m a tiny bit bitter today.  He can suck it.

~ Back to our regular scheduled programming ~

I saw Molly-Motivator this afternoon and I don’t know about YOU Ladies but I sensed some competition going on.  I mean yes, I’m just naturally competitive but when we saw each other the girl looked me up and down and NOT in a good way.  I was honestly taken back by it because that’s the first time she’s ever done that.  And sure, I KNOW I’ve lost poundage I can see it in my face and I can feel it in my clothes but WHOA, not enough to get a look-over.  Nu-uh.  No way.  I said in my head, “Mmmmm-hmmmmm that’s RIGHT girl.  Mama is comin’ up RIGHT behind you AND I’m doing it right…” but DAYUM, girl was not liking what she saw.  I, on the other hand, LOVED the cattiness.  Girls.  We’re so funny.  I am not a catty girl by any means but when it’s stupid stuff like that, it honestly makes me giggle.  And yes, I giggled when she walked on.  *two snaps and boo-ya*

I’ve had so many motivators this past month ~ my psychic, Molly, my upcoming trips, Halloween, Christmas, life plans and now ex-boyfriend ~ I’ll be dropping my 25pounds in NO time.  My body is starting to burn like mad which means I’ll be on a steady drop from here on out.  I’m not so worried about plateauing either because if and when it does happen, I’m armed with enough knowledge AND inspiration to see myself through it. 

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!  I truly AM excited for myself. 

WE’RE DOING THIS MY DARLINGS!!!!!!!

My break days are over so it’s back to the program today.  I’m happy about it because when I haven’t done cardio I don’t feel so great.  And not just physically great but I don’t feel emotionally and mentally charged either.  It’s amazing what cardio does for me and I’m realizing more and more I can’t do without it.  Cardio is my ‘happy’ key.  Sooooooo, since I’ve made the promise to myself to workout 5-6 days a week I’m on it again this morning.  I’ve decided I’m going to take my lunch hour to workout at the gym then come back and eat my lunch at my desk as opposed to sitting here and perusing the Internet for the entire hour.  Besides, I can knock off my workouts during the day instead of after work when I’m semi-burnt out which then has me humming and hawing over whether I should go in or not.  Great plan Small!

Last night ex-boyfriend and I made nachos ~ he made nachos, I picked at them ~ and my goodness I LOOOOOOOOVED them but I’m paying for it now with gassies and bloaties.  Cheese and sour cream and me?  We aren’t friends although I’d LOOOOOOOOVE to be.  Man, just the taste of fresh grated cheese makes me swoon but I simply can’t have it because it leaves me constipated more than anything.  Boo.  Oh well, ’suffering’ every once in awhile is alright I suppose.  Trust me, the nachos were WORTH it.  Mmmmmmmmm ….

Mmmmmmmmkay, keeping it short … let’s DO this Lovelies!

Program:  30 HIIT cardio  Strength:  shoulders ~ if I have enough time

Breakfast:  1 slice of raspberry/blueberry banana bread, 1 nectarine, 1 mug of green tea

Snack:  1 mug of green tea 2 servings of cubed cantaloupe

Snack 2:  1 banana, water (after workout)

Lunch:  less than 1/2 serving of white rice, 1 serving of broiled porkchop (serving size as big as my palm without bone) seasoned with seasoning salt, black pepper and lemon pepper;  stirfried vegges (bokchoy, enoki mushrooms, snap peas with hoison sauce);  less than half a serving of bitter melon and scrambled egg; 1 mug of green tea, water

Snack 3:  1 hardboiled egg, water

Dinner:  ?

Man, I LOVE the smell of fresh baked bread.  Boyfriend … who is now ex-boyfriend but we’re still friends *shrugs* odd, I know … and I made ‘White Batter Herb Bread’, ‘Brown Batter Molasses Bread’, ‘Blueberry Banana Bread’ and ‘Blueberry & Raspberry Banana Bread’ last night alongside homemade hummus, homemade fish chowder WITHOUT the milk and mega salt and mushrooms caps stuffed with escargot without the cheese.  He gets into these moments at times ~ all or nothing cooking and baking firestorms ~ and as tempting as it was to eat ALLLLLLLLLL of his fare, I didn’t.  Restraint my Lovelies, restraint.  *eyes buggin’ out*

For dinner I did have a small bowl of fish chowder with half a slice of white batter herb bread and half a slice of brown batter molasses bread and YOWZA how delish!  I also had two rice wraps stuffed with a crabstick, lettuce and carrots (super duper healthy and super duper tasty) and 3 pieces of salmon sushi.  It sounds like a lot but trust me it wasn’t.  The sushi sizes were smaller than normal and I had a ladel and a half of the chowder.  Yes, portion control was my BESTEST friend last night.

I do have to tell you all something, yesterday I tried to do the low-carb thing which meant, for me, 50 grams of carbs MAXIMUM this week and 100 grams carbs MAXIMUM next week and let me tell you … F*CK THAT SH*T … it was so incredibly hard on my body I was on the horizon of binging.  Sure, I was eating every two hours from fruits to veggies to lean protein to drinking green tea and everything great for my body but I went straight into ketosis by the afternoon that I couldn’t function at all because of the carb restriction.  I was dizzy, I was hungry, I couldn’t focus ~ who knew CARBS would actually be a friend to me while losing weight! 

I’ve done this before but I just couldn’t handle it this time ’round because really, ‘Skinny Chicks Don’t Eat Salads’ … WE eat carbs.  And yes I said ‘we‘ because in our minds we’re ALREADY our beautiful slender selves.  As for the whole ‘Skinny Chicks’ thing, I suggest you buy or read the book, it’s INCREDIBLE and it just makes sense.  So TODAY, I’m back on with my carb intake ~ whole grain carbs OR small servings of white carbs chased down with lean protein and clean veggies ~ and I’m feeling GREAT!  Screw that whole low-carb/no-carb business, it’s messed up.  It’s a great way to lose weight FAST but it’s utter torture and I’m not doing this losing weight business to torture myself, I’m doing it because I love myself.

Time to read your entries!  Remember:  WE’RE DOING THIS!

It’s working!  I saw it again for myself this past weekend and I’m MORE than certain my program is working.  I’m still “muffin-y” but I’m most definitely NOT as “muffin-y” as I was two weeks ago aaaaaaand my face has slimmed down which my best friend pointed out to me when I met her last Friday aaaaaand Boyfriend made a sexy comment to me the moment I walked into his house last night.  I’m feeling great and it has EVERYTHING to do with my determination and motivation to do this right and do this well.  Yup, it’s working. *smiles - nods*

The weekend was great insofar as my eating and exercise programs go.  Worked out both Saturday and Sunday and complimented those workouts with great food choices - veggies, lean protein, green tea, water, fruit, etc - and I’m carrying that on today.  I’ll be heading to the gym right after work then going over to Boyfriend’s house to make ‘breads’.  He’s in a ‘bread mood’ today … we’re baking three different kinds … however I was insistent that MYYYY bread had to be made with whole wheat flour otherwise he was on his own.  See?  Already thinking ahead.  So I’m baking whole wheat banana bread with raspberries and blackberries which will be absolutely delightful!

Mkay, keeping this short.  I hope all of you had a wonderful weekend and remember … WE’RE DOING THIS!

Program:

Cardio: 30 minutes HIIT  Strength:  shoulders

Breakfast:  1 banana, 1 mug of Korean ginseng tea

Breakfast 2/Snack:  1 donut peach, 1 mug of Korean ginseng, water

Lunch:  1 serving (size of my palm) of baked chicken breast with salt and pepper, 4 small broiled mussels, veggie stir fry (bok choy, red onion, enoki mushrooms, bamboo shoots and water chestnuts), 1 nectarine, water

Snack:  1 hard boiled egg and 1 teacup of a powdered soybean drink

Dinner:  1 serving of fish chowder (salmon and sole) making with Boyfriend tonight, 1 serving of rainbow maki, water

Snack:  1 slice of whole wheat banana bread with raspberries and blackberries, water