I’m going to elaborate a little on something that I said in yesterday’s blob. Here’s the quote:

“I feel like I’ve turned a corner; like the ignition has been turned and I’m moving forward. ”

The topic for the sermon at church yesterday was “Christ is enough”. It fell right in line with the Wednesday  night study I’m doing about revival. And to me, Christ is enough.  So I thought. It started me thinking about all the ways I “medicate” myself with food. I eat when I’m happy. I eat when I’m sad. I eat when I’m angry. If Christ is enough, why all the binging? Why stuff  myself with too much food; food that could kill me? If Christ is enough, why not let him be my “medication”? Why not turn to him instead of food? Well, DUH! Hello, Lillie, wake up. You know all this. But it just seem to take this time. Don’t know why or what the difference was this time but it took. Instead of trying to hide from life problems with a layer of fat and medicating with food, how about I let God handle my life and then do my part head on? Food, or any other thing, is no substitute for “letting go and letting God”.

I know it has taken b/c last night I ate two pieces of pizza and two breadsticks and didn’t feel guilty. No recrimination b/c food is not where my selfworth is coming from now. I ate it: said, that was good but I’m full now and that was that. No drama. No kicking myself for eating it. Just the realization that I gave my body something to sustain itself. Just the knowledge that I had eaten healthy the whole rest of the day and exercised as well so I wasn’t going to worry about it. Now, do I need to eat that way everyday? Of course not. But now and then is okay. I don’t have to be so legalistic about it. What a relief. I was getting tired of trying to keep up with all my self-imposed laws.

I still plan to make good choices. I’ve eaten healthy today and went to the Y this morning. Tonight, we’re going to subway b/c it’s DH birthday. I’m going to enjoy a nice, healthy sandwich and then enjoy the evening with my family.

I also know that food has lost a great big  measure of it’s power over me b/c when I came to work today there were donuts on the kitchen table and a cinnamon coffee cake. They didn’t even get a rise out of me. I just said, oh, nice; someone brought donuts for everyone else.

I know there will be days that the old emotional eating will rear it’s ugly, ugly head but, hopefully, I’ll be prayed up and will be able to overcome.

I’m also starting a food journal which I am mailing to my best friend for her review. She’s the only one who loves me enough to “yell” at me when I need it. She’ll be brutally honest and that’s what I need. I’m also trying to jot down the emotions, if any, that are associated with bad choices. Make sure all the connections between emotions and food are broken.

Well, I have to run. Hope everyone is doing well. I can’t wait to reach my first short term goal which is to be under 240. 3.5 lbs to go; maybe in a couple of weeks, eh?

Have a great evening. I know I’m going to!