the little blue ticket

02 Apr, 2012

i’m a believer, i couldn’t leave her if i tried.

Posted by: lilblueticket In: Pearls

I always thought exercise was a bunch of horseshit.

Well, maybe not horseshit. Just horseshit for someone like me, someone largely unfit and largely unmotivated and largely…well, large. It was fine for athletes and skinny girls in spandex, but for me not so much.

I apologize to my junior high cheerleading coach, my high school gym teacher, my drag-me-to-annoying-workout-classes friends…hell, I apologize to the very spirit of the great Jack La Lane.

I get it now. I so, so get it.

I went back to the gym tonight after a week. I wasn’t exactly dreading it, but I wasn’t so much looking forward to it either because I was doing straight cardio which is sort of the most boring thing in the world. But I sucked it up, threw on my iPod and did a 20 rep circuit on the rower, then jumped on the treadmill for half an hour.

I was dripping when I left, feeling all accomplished and proud of myself that I actually got there in the first place. Walked out into the beautiful Bay Area night and drove over to Old Navy because I wanted to grab a couple cheapo t-shirts on my way home. Had a 15 minute conversation with the adorable Asian ex-football playing checkout guy about gyms (yeah, I was looking sweaty and had my gym bag over my shoulder…he asked), and bless his heart by the time I left he was hitting on me just a little bit. Even in my state of utter disgustingness.

Jumped back in the car and Stereo Hearts by Gym Class Heroes came on the radio. I cranked it up, rolled my windows down and sang on the top of my lungs on the way home, sort of laughing and smiling all by myself. That song has special significance to me, significance that’s part of my reason and my truth (why yes, I do find inspiration in flash-in-the-pan uber awesome pop songs sometimes) and by the time I pulled into the driveway, I got it.

Crappy mood when I left the house, pride when I left the gym, laughing and singing when I got home.


As fucked up as that sound TO ME, coming out of MY MOUTH, tonight was the happiest I’ve been since maybe the second or third week in March.

I’m growing to love the sweating…it means I worked my ass off.

I’ll learn to love the routine…eventually.

I love how my body’s changing, how my clothes are fitting. I love that I can even perform the simple act of walking into Old Navy and knowing certain things with fit me, and they don’t have labels with fat lady sizes on them. (Almost fat lady sizes. But not fat lady sizes. Big distinction.)

I love the random non CMcT trainer guy who knows me from seeing me around at my training sessions and how he made sure he high fived me (ugh, again with the high fives) while I was leaving, looking like I obviously worked my butt off.

In that car tonight, I felt lucky for my life. I felt lucky that I caught this all while I still have a body that’s able to transform. That I live in the most beautiful place on earth where I can blare music with my windows open in the beginning of April. That I have stunning, gorgeous, unconditional, promising love in my life.

Yes, today was a very good day. Next time I whine and moan and start spiraling, someone please bitchslap me and remind me to read this.

Goodnight, sweet pretties.

I will leave you with this, because it’s impossible not to be in a good mood after hearing it. I kiss you all.

this melody was meant for you. so sing along to my stereo.

2 Responses to "i’m a believer, i couldn’t leave her if i tried."

1 | dernhelm

April 3rd, 2012 at 5:19 am


Can I just say that you’re awesome? Your blog is fantastic – it’s hilarious and genuine and mirrors so much of what I say/think alot of the time. Not to mention that the title of more than 2 of your posts are songs that I often quote as titles in my own journal entries. Fantastic. :)

I love that feeling! That victorious feeling when you complete a work-out and really feel like the world is yours. Thank you for reminding me of why I shouldn’t give up this week and for reminding me that it really is all worth it.

I’ll be stopping by again – have a good week!

2 | didibuttonsley

May 5th, 2012 at 12:10 pm


OH MY GOD OH MY GOD!!! I haven’t been able to leave comments in weeks and weeks because of this stupid site being all jacked up, and now FINALLY today I can comment again.
I am so thrilled that I peed a little.
Hope you have been doing ok, and I wanted you to know I have faithfully been reading your blog like a golden retriever… errr…. one that reads.

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April 2012
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No matter what happens now
You shouldn’t be afraid
Because I know today has been the most perfect day I’ve ever seen.