the little blue ticket

04 Feb, 2012

sometimes i get overcharged, that’s when you see sparks.

Posted by: lilblueticket In: Pearls

My Mount Everest. My nemesis. My new best friend.

Yes, the BOSU ball. When Cutie McTrainer introduced us this morning, I felt nauseous. See, I have absolutely no sense of balance. None whatsoever. Zilch. Zippo. And I told him this.

I said, “Cutie McTrainer, you realize I can just be standing here talking to you and tip over, right? With no warning whatsoever? So what in the name of all things holy in this world are you thinking right now, you adorable little sadist?”

Oh how he laughed. And then he was all, “I promise you I’m not going to let anything bad happen to you, and I’m right here to catch you if you start feeling like you’re going to fall”. Then he high fived me. He high fives me a lot, which is his only tragic flaw. I detest the high five and everything it represents, but since he’s a trainer he gets a pass. They’re supposed to do shit like that.

I didn’t point out to him that if he tried to catch me I’d probably crush him like a bug, and I went all internal and thought over and over again “I trust him, Itrust him, ITRUSTHIM” like a little mantra in my head.

And with that, our workout commenced.

I thought I worked out hard with him last week. I had no idea. And I know every session’s just going to get progressively more intense. Which is a good thing. But dear LORD.

We warmed up with 800 meters on the rower and stretches up and down the ladder on the floor thingy, then it was just balls out. There was no rest at all this time, no 1 1/2 minute break halfway through, no ten seconds between exercises. Instead of a lap around the gym after every set, he threw me on the rower for 200 meters, then back to the BOSU.  Pushups, crunches, a planky type of thing…it just went on and on.

Then we got to lunges.

Going into my first session with him, I told him I hate lunges, that I’m not good at them, blah blah blah complainy shit. Afterwards he said that surprised him, because it’s one of the things I’m best at. So he was all kinds of stoked for me to do them with my back foot on the BOSU. He actually told me that. “So excited — you’re going to KILL THIS!”

Then I fell over.

Okay, so not like totally onto the floor fell over, but tilted so far to the side that I had to put my arms out and make that flying motion to not wind up on my ass. I think I even did a little “whoooaaaaaaa, whoa, whoa!” thing out loud.

Lather, rinse, repeat like three times.

I told him my right leg was rebelling, that it hated me. And that it hated him just a little too.

He laughed and put his hands on my shoulders and told me to take a deep breath, focus on my core, and just relax.

So I literally closed my eyes, breathed in all cleansing-like, and started over for a fourth time. And the craziest thing happened. I didn’t land ass first on the ground, I didn’t break my leg, I didn’t squash him like a bug. And with every set, I got stronger and stronger. I was still a little wobbly, a little shaky, but I got through each and every one of those lunges without quitting.

Everyone has their own little demons, right? Their own craziness, their own schtick. Me, I talk a good game. I’m all out there and loud and silly but there’s this part of me that’s so scared to fail that I cut myself off at the knees and quit before I get the chance to. Call it self preservation, call it fear, call it whatever. And yeah, maybe they were just lunges but mentally they were so much more. And for one of the first times in my life I told that inner voice to fuck off and powered through.

We high fived (of course), we laughed (we laughed a lot today…it was awesome) and he told me how proud he was of me for pushing and for not giving up, and that I need to give myself more credit and realize what I’m capable of. So that’s what I’m going to work on this week, mentally. Slaying the dragon, killing the fear.

And God knows I’m going to need it, because I’m seeing him twice this week and he already told me that Wednesday he’s going to work me out TRX style.

TRX. Me. Who would have ever put those two things together?

2 Responses to "sometimes i get overcharged, that’s when you see sparks."

1 | susana

February 4th, 2012 at 6:18 pm


Hi Lil! Your stories are so fun to read! I wish I had a Cutie McTrainer… Or a Cutie, at least. Wish you the best with your plan!

2 | didibuttonsley

February 5th, 2012 at 10:19 am


What an empowering post. There are so many things that I have kept myself from doing, because I was afraid of falling on my face. Now I guess I’d rather flop and biff myself all over the pavement than not try at all. *high five*
I am so glad that you are having so much success with your personal trainer. It sounds like he knows what to say and do to motivate you. *high five*
Let me know when you are planning on moving your blog. *high five* I have been double posting for quite a while, but I like the blogger site better. Once you get used to it, the 3fc blogs seem more limited. *double high five*
Keep up the good work, lady. *triple high fives*

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No matter what happens now
You shouldn’t be afraid
Because I know today has been the most perfect day I’ve ever seen.