“This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou ‘canst not then be false to any man. “ William Shakespeare.
On the last day of September, I ceased reporting to both of the online diet support groups that I had been a part for the majority of this calendar year. Why? I had been keeping a secret that I did not want anyone to know about but it was slowly chipping away at my self-esteem and my integrity. I was not being honest with myself.
One of my old and seemingly persistent character defects was showing its ugly face: self-deception; which then manifested itself by being less than honest with my peers. Why? I had started out this year with such promise but then the first time that I hit a real snag, which was around the Easter holidays, I “lost it”. I could not admit to myself nor to others that I had regained about 5 pounds by virtue of not following my food plan as I had done up to that time: measuring out single portions, logging all of the food I ate daily and then reporting exactly what I had eaten to my food sponsor. I who valued honesty and integrity above all things had now become dishonest and lacked the integrity that I admired so much. Why? I just did not want to admit that I was not a model dieter. I was not perfect.
Now, to some people, this revelation may be laughable but to me it was disastrous. I felt like everyone who had said such wonderful things about my weight loss efforts thus far this year would somehow not hold me in as much esteem as they had. I didn’t know this for a fact, I just “assumed” it to be so. So, I did the next thing: I began a six month ‘cover up’. I continued to report that I was losing weight when, in fact, I wasn’t.
Then, I started to bargain with myself, telling myself that I would only do this for a while longer and that if I really worked out really hard and often that I could close the widening gap between my actual weight and my “reporting” weight. I kept deceiving myself into believing that I could actually lose enough weight where I could match the two. However, I never expected for the curve balls ahead down the road.
We had a very wet rainy summer. My husband’s income, which we rely on, took an expected downturn (which it does during the summer months). Now there were two of us in our apartment cooped up on rainy days with little or none income. At first, I incorporated him into my afternoon workouts and that become fun; working out together. Then, we started having other “problems”: his summer hiatus continued into fall and the work did not increase as was expected. We fell behind chronically in our bills and creditors began to call numerous times during the day. When he did get work he did not always get paid as quickly as we both needed and wanted.
Then, the unspeakable happened. Our aging building, which had been remodeled in 2006-2007 became the home of some very unwelcomed “guests”: live and multiplying rodents. We were so horrified by this we only shared this “news” with my sister. Our property management called pest control and went about the process of eliminating this “nuisance” but it came at such a critical time for me. I was already under a lot of tension between lying about my weight loss, the persistent drop in income, the prolonged humid and damp summer heat and really scrambling to “keep it altogether.”; that it really shook me to the core. The final straw came when there was an abrupt change in “leadership” in one of my reporting online groups. I was asked by one of them, who had been my food sponsor of five and half months, if I would like to lead since she was planning on leaving soon.
I have lead online diet support groups in the past couple of years so I really gave this a lot of thought. I have teaching in my background and I love leading something that I feel so passionate about “but” there are also group dynamics to consider and within that can lie potential friction. In spite of my own personal issues, I agreed and I quickly went to reorganizing a group that had been showing signs of “neglect” for several months. What happened next surprised me: the old leaders who had agreed to “pass the torch” decided to “hang around” and complain openly about the new direction that I was taking the group. They were the only ones who felt this way, since I had the unanimous support of the rest of this very tightly-knit group.
I did my best to resolve this privately and at one point I even enlisted the assistance from the site administrators. Unfortunately, the tension continued to be like a boiling pot ready for the lid to blow. After careful consideration, I gave my resignation and I ceased reporting to both of these groups. Although I swore that I would not be a part of another group ‘for quite some time’, within a week I had rejoined a different online diet support group that was in neutral but familiar territory.
The very first order of business for me was to “come clean” about where I was at with my weight loss. Whenever an addict falls off the wagon, it is always a great relief to be back doing what I need to do to ‘take care of my abstinence’. However, I knew what had gotten me where I had ended up and I needed to get back to where I was living more sanely. As most people who are familiar with how many of these support groups go, you come when you can, report what you feel comfortable reporting and, most importantly, it is real, it is honest and it is without rationalizing, minimizing or any other “games” you have been accustomed to playing.
It has now been six weeks. I have managed to lose 1.8 lbs. during that time. I freely admitted that I ate enough Halloween candy to make me sick for four hours later that night. I also admitted that I had one good week of working out during the month of October. Those same character defects: competitiveness, my ego and pride, perfectionism; all are still there. Every time that I report on Mondays what I have done the previous week and what I have failed to do as well as my weight loss progress; I have to consciously keep those character defects under wraps. It isn’t easy because I want and like to be in the spotlight. I want to be the one who is either #1 or #2 each week. However, “this time around” I am hoping that I will be just happy to be “straight” with myself and then with others. No matter what.
Why is self-honesty so important? I feel that it is important because I spent decades deceiving myself about my food addiction. Deception leads to lying both to myself and to others. What follows is shame, guilt, being defensive, egotistical and “proud”; which all lead to “substance abuse” all over again. Fortunately, I have walked this ground before so I know what I need to do to get back on track. However, that does not mean that it has or will be easy to both get back on track as well as stay on track. It just reminds me that there is a lot more work that needs to be done.
Now, it is late fall. The air has become cooler and drier. My husband is now working more and I have been getting caught up with our past due accounts. I have realized that I need to resume attending 12 Step meetings again. I may even seek out another sponsor.
For now, the one thing that I need to be is honest with myself and others. That is my foremost goal in this area as well as all areas of my life. I will need help with that but, fortunately, I know where to find it. One day at a time.
As a person who has had to live without health insurance for 4 years now and with some upcoming changes in our own national health care system next year, I am wondering how my particular situation will be handled. The #1 thing we Americans hear about other countries is that people have to wait to see a doctor. I have no problem with waiting as long as I know I will eventually get seen.
I personally think most Americans are somewhat spoiled by their own private insurances and go for a lot of things that proper diet and exercise would “fix”. 60% of the American population is obese. I just read a statistic that if things continue as they are, by 2020 (only 6 1/2 years away), 1 out of 2 Americans will either have pre-diabetes, which currently insurance companies will not pay to be treated, or have full blown diabetes.
Supposedly, we are the richest country in the world and yet we have a very sick fat populace which ironically is going to cost our health care system even more $$ to take care of. When I hear other people say they would rather take a pill than change their dietary habits, I just shake my head. How very very sad, IMO!
I know that I need knee replacement surgery for sure on my right knee (since I was told this by an orthopaedic surgeon in 2003) and possibly on my left knee and my right hip. I have had to live unnecessarily with chronic pain and limited mobility since I did not choose knee surgery 10 years ago (we were moving and I didn’t want to take off time from work to recover—my mistake!) . I am hoping that by the time that I get this surgery done, I will be much closer to my ideal weight, my muscles toned and strengthened and my post op recovery will go by without any hitches. I have heard the best way to make recovery easier is to do my pre-op homework. That is my incentive in doing what I am doing now.
One week from today I will be 60 years old. I will admit that seems really old to me. Last year I remember thinking about it and I was depressed. I hadn’t been doing well losing weight nor exercising. I had little hope then. I will admit that I had hoped that I would be my goal weight by my 60th birthday (I won’t be) but I have managed to lose 76.4 lbs. from my heaviest with 33.25″ lost overall. This acheivement has renewed my sense of hope and purpose. It has taken a couple of years (I too floundered until something “sparked” for me) and I hope to lose the remainder within the next 14-16 months but I do believe that I will make it.
A good friend of mine did an photo overlay of the progress that I have made since February. Isee my front page of this). The grayed areas are the areas that I have lost and are “no more”. That is empty space not my fat! She leads another group I belong to (not on Sparkpeople) and she has always insisted that we take photos along the way as we lose weight and workout. I try to do this every other month. She even noted that I am standing taller as a result. Well, since I carry the majority of my weight through my middle, I was stooped over. Not so much any more. I also posted a photo of me after I had only lost 25 lbs. My face is quite round. I am doing a major reno of our guest bedroom and I found one photo of me at my heaviest (301.8 lbs.–well, let’s face it, most people don’t like having their picture taken when they are that fat and I was no different) As soon as I can get it scanned, I will upload it to my Spark Page.
When I saw that photo, I only felt love for who I was. I do love that morbidly obese person because I know what brought me to that weight. It was a lot of pain and self-hatred. I had been sexually abused and violently raped. I carried a lot of shame and self-hatred. I made bad relationship choices as a result of not loving myself. I was depressed and miserable. It showed up on my body as all that extra fat.
As I learn to love myself more, I also am developing more self-esteem and belief in myself as I do this. My favorite quote is from “The Hurricane” when the main character says from prison, “Hate got me in this and love is going to bust me out!”
The more I learn to love myself by doing what is in my best interest, something we all have to learn at some time in our lives, the more I take care of myself. I hope you too will consider that when you choose something good to do for yourself like a walk, eating the right kind of foods or just giving yourself the sleep and space that you need to nurture yourself. As they say in the airline industry, “Put your oxygen mask on first before you help someone else.”
The more we love ourself, the more it overflows in love for others. This is the Second Commandment, “Love others as we love ourselves.” Most people get this wrong. They think that if they put others first (as in people pleasing) they will love themselves more. It doesn’t work that way. All that does is build resentment and withdrawing from other people. We feel others don’t care or don’t understand what we need. How could they when we don’t understand what we need ourselves?
Well, I ‘got it’. As I started to love and accept all of me I began to let go of all of those former self-defeating and even self-destructive habits. Binging is self-destructive. Judging yourself when you have made a “human error” is not self-love. Certainly, perfectionism is not going to get you the results that you want and need. No, gentle tender and kind love will move you towards your personal weight loss goals. Nothing less will do. Not surprising, when I was self-critical, judgmental and perfectionist about my weight loss efforts, I had a hard time loving others because how could I when I didn’t love myself. The more I come to love myself, now, I can’t give it enough to others. That is just how it works.
As I have mentioned before, I love to cook and try new recipes as well as make up my own. To the question about how do you make moist and sweet bakery goods the main thing to do is substitute some kind of softened fruit in place of the oil that is usually called for in most boxed or from scratch recipes. For example, unsweetened applesauce, baby food prunes so it has the texture of applesauce (this is great to bring out the taste of chocolate), canned pumpkin or a mashed up very ripe banana. All of these will make any cake or cookie moist. I have been doing this for several years and I have never been disappointed in the moistness of my baked goods. The good news with this is that it makes any baked good low fat automatically. So, experiment with the different fruits above that I mentioned.
My aunt (who is now deceased) gave me a cookbook using only Splenda. I have made many of the recipes from it and I will admit that I really gave it my best try. I agree with you that Splenda has its shortcomings. However, there are sugar-Splenda blends that might actually work although if it is the sweetness that you are missing then I would recommend adding dried fruit to the batter mix. Dried fruit is triple the amount of natural fructose (because the ripening process brings out the natural sugar in the fruit) and it really does the trick!
Just a note, there are 765 calories in one cup of white sugar. I can tell you that when I want a cookie, it is never just one! So, with that in mind, my latest “experiments” in the kitchen have involved trying to figure out the right amount of sugar for taste without having so much that it sends my blood glucose soaring. As I have been “studying” the ingredients in some of these recipes I have noticed that sometimes there is a duplication of some that really don’t need to be in most recipes. If you use self-rising flour for example, you do not need to add both baking soda and salt to it because the self-rising flour already has salt added to the flour during the processing of it. I heard that from a professional cook on a cooking program a few years ago. I did not know that!
Also, when looking at a recipe that calls for both commercially brand peanut butter (not the Smart Balance or the natural) reduce the amount of sugar that is also called for because there is already sugar in the peanut butter (like Jif or Skippy). So, lately I have decided that rather than go entirely no sugar (which I have done in the past for months on end) I am going more for lower sugar as long as the taste and texture are a close match to the original.
I just read recently that sugar also adds volume to baked goods and that if you use all Splenda expect your baked goods to come out flatter and not rise as well. I do use Splenda sweetened products when I know that having one with sugar is not the right choice for me. I also have to watch how added sugar (including natural fruit juices) impact my blood glucose so there is a place for Splenda in my food plan for that reason alone. However, I don’t think it is as good in baking (even though they claim that) as I would like. I like your idea of just using less frosting rather than 1″ layer. I just think sometimes with so many foods, it is a matter of doing away with the “overkill”: overly sweet, overly salty, overly greasy. It truly is a “cleaner way of eating”. In fact, it is now my preferred way of eating.
Y’know, it is OKAY to not feel like doing some things for others, B. I was just sharing with my husband that women give more and more and expect to receive less and less than anyone else I know. We have this “indoctrination” that we feel like we MUST do this no matter what. However, this also builds up resentment and simmering anger which for any one who links unexpressed emotions to anything related to food; is a huge RED FLAG.
What has helped me is to ask myself when I am giving to another person “anything”; is this what I really want to do, out of love and support? If the answer is YES then I give freely but if I have even a smidgen of “holding back” then I wait until I am ready to give totally and completely without any regrets or remorse. Learning to say “NO” is as equally important as learning to say “Yes”. I have used this technique many times over many years and it has served me well. I most recently used it this past Mother’s Day.
I have only one child, an adult daughter, who is nearly 38 years old. I am very proud of all that she has accomplished on her own. However, she has been unforgiving of some of my behavior while she was growing up. Although she is a counselor, she has never accepted that I suffered from severe depression when she was a teenager. I pushed myself out the door to attend many of her school events in spite of extreme agoraphobia. I was always involved in making sure she had the best education as well as spiritual direction. I know I was a good mother who was really struggling with her own personal demons. However, since I was not a very demonstrative person then (and I still am not compared to others) she felt I was cold and distant emotionally. According to her, this colored her life for good.
She has always been very good about remembering me on Mother’s Day as well as Christmas and my birthday although within the past couple years as she has been making some personal choices that are causing her a lot of unhappiness she has begun to lash out at me. Now, I have had two failed marriages where I was married to abusers and so I recognize when someone is not treating me well. I tried to push through it in the past year because I knew she wanted to talk about the past and try to bring some closure to it. However, every conversation for the past year has left me bawling and feeling very verbally beaten up. She is exhibiting classic abuser behaviors.
Last winter I gave her some money (as often I do) so she could fly back to where my sister and Dad live. She said she wanted to see them. However, my sister called me up while my daughter was there saying that my daughter said some of the most outlandish things that I have ever heard. My sister can be confrontational at times and this was one of them. Well, of course, I wanted to find out the “truth” (since my sister has a tendency to lie and exaggerate) so I tried to contact my daughter. She told me “she needed her space”. I was shocked by my daughter’s behavior but I did not want to “pass judgement” on what she “may” have said until I heard it from her own mouth. My attempts to have a conversation with her during Christmas were unsuccessful. Fast forward to this past weekend: she called but I was in traffic so I said that I would call her back when I was at home.
The conversation started out promising. We talked cordially for about a half an hour and then she asked me if I had “noticed” that she hadn’t talked to me for nearly 5 months and did I understand that she needed her space. I said, was she aware that I too needed my space and I was not going to be talked about in a cruel, behind my back way by my only child without some kind of explanation on her part? Then, the verbal abuse began. I was both shaking and in tears. I listened to her for another half hour as she railed into me about her “being hurt” by me. After 30 more minutes, I said that I did not appreciate having this kind of phone call on Mother’s Day night and I told her to not call me. I did not say “forever”. I hate to admit this but I awaken my husband (who has an early morning for work) so I could cry on his shoulder. He has been very angry about the frequency of the nature of these calls from her for the past year and he has come very close to saying that he didn’t want me to even accept any calls from her.
I felt at peace with my decision. The next morning I had an apology in my e-mail box from my daughter. I wrote two words. “Apology accepted”. I also told her that I loved her and I wished her all the best. For 22 years I waited for her to show me some sign of respect. I feel that by her finally admitting her part in this tirade she continues was a good start. She is a very unhappy person but some of her personal choices that she has chosen to make in the past few years have me both worried and frightened for her personal safety. If I got a phone call someday that she was murdered or beaten to death, it would not surprise me. However unhappy she is I will not allow her to pull me into her own “drama” and take me down with her. I still feel at peace with my decision. If she calls me, of course, I will accept it. I even send her money from time to time when we have it. However, my own personal health is #1 priority with me and this includes removing myself from “toxic relationships” no matter how close they might be. For me; that is a lifestyle change.
I realize that this might be shocking to many of you mothers here that I would draw such a strong stand with my daughter but if you knew how verbally abusive she has been to me and for how long, you would be more surprised that I tolerated it as long as I did. As I began to dig beneath the reason why I went from 140 lbs to 301.8 lbs. I realized that there was a lot of self-hatred that was underneath all of that extra weight. I had abused my body the way others in my past had abused me; either sexually, physically or emotionally. I had to remove each one of those “sources” over time. My daughter is the last one. It is because I love myself and her, that I had to do that. She needs help in a way that a mother’s love is not enough for her. As I told my husband, the light is always on in my window. I would never turn my back on her and I haven’t when she has truly needed me but I need respect and healthy love. I realize that she can’t do that right now. Maybe someday she will. However, I am not going to hold my breath and stop living my life waiting for that to happen. I feel at peace with this so I know I did the right thing for me.
The more “work” that I do outside of food plans and exercising, the less all of this seems like dieting to me. And, that is the main point of that article with the Fast Breaks series. I don’t “need” to overeat for any other reason than the food tastes good and I want to continue eating it. I don’t think that will ever completely go away.
I pushed myself to do a chair aerobics workout last night even though it wasn’t my night to do (it was ODD-strength exercise day) because I did not want the sun to set without me doing it. I was doing a little better than the 70+ year old lady in the second row of chairs. I have trouble bending my knees (the opposite of D.’s hubby) so I can’t cross my legs or kick them back without a lot of pain. My right knee is practically frozen straight.
My RA was rough yesterday and I could barely move but I moaned and groaned through the workout. I talk to myself like a drill sergeant regarding working out. I say”P., what day is this?” It is ODD day. “So, what do you do on the ODD days?” I do arms and lower body. “Well, hop to it then.” Yes, this is my conversation. LOL. I consider any time a good time to exercise. I consider one 24 hour day to last from 12:01 a.m. to 11:59 p.m. and, yes, sometimes, I do exercise the last hour of the day.
I too am now going to have someone home with me more during the day than not: my hubby’s employment typically slows down during the summer months. I feel self-conscious having him watch me exercise so I try to encourage him to go for a walk while I do my own workouts. I did a lot of cooking yesterday so I will have some really good leftovers for the next couple of days.
Speaking of food: the ingredients that I use in so many recipes are garlic powder (not salt), chopped onions and/or green peppers, red pepper (both the seasoning and the vegetable), low sodium flavored broths (or some saved juices from cooking meats–not the fats) and rotating curry powder, cumin, sage or thyme for flavoring meats and/or sauces. None of these add calories, sodium or fat.
I will say this, “this time” feels different to me. I feel like I will lose more than my “usual” 30-40 lbs and I will stick with this until I see my end goal weight. I now fully understand what it means to transform your life because I believe that is what is happening to mine.
My NSV(non scale victory) to share today: I weigh today what I weighed in September 1983. Yes 1983!! That was almost 30 years ago. One word describes how I feel: REDEMPTION.
This year is significant for me in several ways: I am a Snake and so this is the Year of the Snake, so hence I have also chosen to call it “The Year of Me” but also because it marks the fact that I have been morbidly obese for 30 years and my 60th birthday is coming up in mid-July. I feel like this year, more than others perhaps, weighs (no pun intended) heavily on me. I really feel like it is a year that I must take action. So, here is what I have done the past 4 1/2 months:
January 1, 2013: I rejoined an “independent” (of any specific sites) online diet support group which is lead by a former team leader that I have known and been a part of (on and off) groups she has lead before since 2010. Motivation is high starting this new year because I am facing a big “milestone”: my 60th birthday this coming summer. This group reports weekly weigh ins and monthly measurements. There is minimal daily interaction. I also resumed practicing the principles of OA (Overeaters Anonymous) of which I have been following on and off for nearly 17 1/2 years.
January 30, 2013: After a month of the “same old same old” (losing and regaining) and having recently joined another offshoot support group (on a site that I previously was a member), a woman who was starting her maintenance, after losing her targeted weight in 2012, approached me and asked me if I wanted to send her my daily meal plan for her to view, review and possibly make comments. I had never done anything like this before. I said “Yes”.
February 1, 2013: I resumed doing a free weight workout with hand weights as well as specific strengthening and toning exercises for my ab/core and lower body. I began walking on my treadmill at home 15 minutes at one time. Note: I have advanced arthritis and “compromised” mobility as well as muscle weakness and joint stiffness.
March 13, 2013: The woman, whom I now refer to as my ‘food sponsor’, started up a new “Boot Camp” themed group support on Sparkpeople with another person and told me about this new group forming. I ‘followed’ her here to this site and joined this team challenge. I had never done a more structured team approach before for weight lose. This was my “first”.
There is daily accountability regarding personal weight lose and health habits that I am expected to keep track of on a spreadsheet as well as a weekly reporting “roll call” within the group. There are bonus “challenges” in the form of additional strength exercises for specific body parts on specific days. Other “challenges” involved daily sharing on discussion threads as well as setting and meeting personal goals.
April 26, 2013: End of this 7 week “Boot Camp” challenge. I was one of two people (we had two teams) with the most weight lose. I can point to the daily accountability as keeping me on track during this time as well as motivating me to push myself to meet my own personal goals.
May 3, 2013: Due to a change in team leaders, the “Boot Camp” was renamed and reorganized with the replacement of one new team leader. I signed up for the next 8 week “challenge”; which includes weekly challenges of doing specific body part workouts, reading articles about succeeding in losing weight and trying new recipes (all information here on Sparkpeople site).
February 1, 2013-present:
Apart from these group efforts, my personal efforts have involved creating a free weight workout for my arms/shoulders, abs/core and lower body which I have chosen to do on an ODD/EVEN day schedule with one day off per week. On average, I am working my arms, shoulders and lower body 3x a week and my abs/core 3x a week. As each muscle group area becomes stronger, I increase the reps that I am doing by 10.
As of May 13, 2013; I am currently doing 3 sets of 10 reps per exercise with an average of doing 10 separate exercises per muscle group. [300 reps each for arms/shoulders, abs/core and lower body. On ODD days that total is 600 separate reps bor arms and lower body combined and on EVEN days that is 300 reps for abs alone] I have maintained this workout schedule for 4 weeks. My end goal is to do 50 reps for each body part per exercise (10 each) which would total 500 reps per muscle group every other day.
In spite of the weight lose that I have experienced since January 1, 2013 (30+ lbs) I have not been able to appreciably increase my walking on the treadmill because of the extreme damage to my knee joints due to arthritis. I am presently exploring seated aerobic workouts as an alternative for my cardio development.
SIDE NOTE: I am also currently leading an online walking challenge with the initial group that I report to, which has gotten a good response within the group, and I also plan to do a food plan challenge starting in June.
Since I have both elevated blood glucose and blood pressure and I do NOT want to take medication for either of these “lifestyle conditions”, I have recently begun following the American Diabetes Assoc. recommendation of eating 60-75 grams of carbs per meal as well as keeping my daily sodium under 2500 mg with the end goal of <2000 mg sodium daily. Starting this past year, I have also begun keeping track of my consumption of saturated fats as well. I keep a detailed food log daily which I have sent to my “food sponsor” since January 30, 2013 and which I plan to continue to do so since I consider it a “key” to the steady weight lose that I have had this past year.
As of April 21, 2013: I have also begun taking a mega multi-vitamin that is recommended for bariatic weight lose surgery patients (which I am not) so as to meet all of the nutritional demands that I am putting on my body.
….stay tuned for more updates to the “Steps that I am Taking” to lose all of my extra weight.
Measurements:[ taken on 12/31/12]:
Upper Arm: 17″
Measurements: [taken on 1/31/13]
Neck: 17″ (no change)
Upper Arm: 17″ (no change)
Bust: 53 3/4″ (lost 1 1/4″)
Waist: 49″ (gained 1/2″)
Hips: 57″ (gained 1/2″)
Mid-Thigh: 27″ (lost 10 1/2″)
Mid-Calf: 16.5″ (lost 1/2″)
Total Monthly Inches Lost: 12.25″
Note: Some of the ‘dramatic’ inches lost in my lower half of my body may be attributed to water weight lose since I do have a tendency to ’store’ my water weight from the waist down.
Measurements: [taken on 3/1/13]
Neck: 16 1/2″ (lost 1/2″)
Upper Arm: 16 1/2″ (lost 1/2″)
Bust: 52″ (lost 1 3/4″)
Waist: 47″ (lost 2″)
Hips: 55 1/2″ (lost 1 1/2″)
Mid-Thigh: 26 1/4″ (lost 3/4″)
Mid-Calf: 16 1/2″ (no change)
Total Monthly Inches Lost: 7″ Total Inches Lost Since 1/1/13: 19.25″
NOTE: I resumed exercising. This includes doing a free weight workout as well resuming walking on the treadmill every day for the past week for approximately 15 minutes at a time. My plan is to continue to do my free weight workout and increase the amount of time spent walking on the treadmill this coming month.
Measurements: [taken on 4/1/13]
Neck: 16″ (lost 1/2″)
Upper Arm: 16 ” (lost 1/2″)
Bust: 51 1/2″ (lost 1/2″)
Waist: 47″ (no change )
Hips: 55 ” (lost 1/2″)
Mid-Thigh: 25 ” (lost 1 1/4″)
Mid-Calf: 16 ” (lost 1/2″)
Total Monthly Inches Lost: 3.75″ Total Inches Lost Since 1/1/13: 23″
NOTE: joined BL Bootcamp in mid-March and so I have increased walking, doing bonus challenges for body parts (i.e.; core, arms, legs) as well as increased frequency of workouts throughout the week.
Measurements: [taken on 5/1/13]
Neck: 16 ” (no change)
Upper Arm: 15 1/2″ (lost 1/2″)
Bust: 50 1/2″ ( lost 1″)
Waist: 47″ (no change)
Hips: 53 3/4″ (lost 1 1/4″)
Mid-Thigh: 24 1/2″ ( lost 1/2″)
Mid-Calf: 14 1/2″ ( lost 1 1/2″) **(I had been measuring at the heaviest part of my calf and this time I went mid-way)
Weight: 244.6 lbs.
Current Weight: 245 lbs (4/29/13) This has been, by far, the best month for consistent weight loss that I have had yet this year. I attribute this more to working out and being more active than adhering strictly to my food plan. However, I also managed to lose some regained weight from post-Easter holiday weekend as well. I do hope that the next month will show both my adherence to my food plan as well as a regular exercise program.
Total Monthly Inches Lost: 4.75″ Total Overall Inches Lost Since 1/1/13: 27.25″
NOTE: I attribute the inches lost in my lower body because of the extra attention that I have paid in working out the muscle groups in that area. I haven’t been walking on the treadmill regularly because of a reoccurring injury to my left knee. So, I refocused my attention on strengthening the muscles that support the knee joints with measurable “success”. Now, starting a new month, I plan on walking on the treadmill on alternate days. I also attribute the inches lost in my upper body for the same reason: my upper body free weight work outs. I have just begun to focus on the core muscles so my waistline has not shown the progress there yet but part of the inches lost in the hip area are directly a result of the start up of working my core muscles.
Measurements: [taken on 6/1/13]
Neck: 16″ (no change)
Upper Arm: 15″ (lost 1/2″)
Bust: 50 1/2″ (no change)
Waist: 46 1/2″ ( lost 1/2″)
Hips: 53 1/4″ (lost 1/2″)
Mid-Thigh: 24″ (lost 1/2″)
Mid-Calf: 14″ (lost 1/2″)
Monthly Inches Lost: 2 1/2″ Overall Total Inches Lost (since 1/1/13): 29 3/4″
Note: I am most pleased with having lost 1/2 inch in my waistline. I have increased the frequency of doing ab and core exercises. Since I carry the majority of my extra weight through my torso, I know that it is important to lose as much from this area as possible to reduce my risk of most diseases.
[reporting post Week One of my Boot Camp Challenge I signed up for 10 days ago and began a week ago. This Boot Camp was created by Biggest Loser and now two former BL team leaders have organized it off the BL campus and are running it online. My food sponsor is one of the team leaders and I agreed to join. I have NEVER been a participate in any kind of group/team fitness challenge like this before. This is all new to me!]
I will say, in all honesty, that I haven’t been this “involved” in my own personal fitness in almost 2 1/2 years. It feels good but I really had to re-prioritize my activities to make sure that I got it all done. I always like to give myself a non-food reward when I feel like I have done something extra for myself so I ordered two more exercise dvds based on what I am seeing a need for: back pain (deeper core muscles exercises), stronger knees (I certainly need that) and I got a free bonus dvd (ab attack) by ordering before April 12th from one of my favorite catalogs. That should keep me busy!
I did find that doing the chair dancing aggravated my back. If I am to follow the instructor she has you doing high (like over your shoulders high) leg kicks to the music while seated. Try that just once and maintaining your balance and good posture. ! It is ridiculously hard which I am quite happy because that means this is an exercise routine that I can grow into. There is nothing more “disappointing” than buying an exercise dvd and moving past it within a couple of weeks. I suspect that in order to match the instructor on this exercise dvd leg kick for leg kick, it might take me a good 6-8 weeks of really working at it. She must have unbelievably strong core muscles.
I am finding that anything that really makes demands on my core muscles is ultimately affecting my back. I know that my form is good because I am very careful, don’t do them too quickly or jerk or anything so I really just think I need deeper muscle work. Hence, getting the back dvd. I have also found when I did my Peggy Cappy (she is on PBS) yoga back poses my back hurt afterwards as well. So, I am definitely in tune with my body.
I had a thought last night that I wanted to share with all of you. This was a very demanding past week for me. I haven’t embraced doing this much for myself physically in a few years. It felt good but it is daunting and I am sure many of you are thinking; how am I going to keep up the pace? Well, this is how I am going to approach this: ONE DAY AT A TIME. I am not going to think about where I will be next week or next month or even this summer. I am just going to do what is ‘asked of me’ today and then say “Well done!” (hopefully anyway) and then let tomorrow come when it comes.
I do the same with the amount of weight that I have to lose. I just focus on today’s meal plan and do my best. Once I submit that to SM. (my food sponsor), I file it away on my computer and I am done with it. I do make a mental note of areas where I need to improve and I do think about them as I am planning the next day BUT not until that next day arrives. I want to remove as much obsession, worry and anxiety as I can about this. I used to do all three in the past and I was tied up in knots and pretty darn miserable. Now, it is “easy does it.”
And, since I have had such a long history of worrying and being anxious about my weight, etc., not doing so feels pretty weird at times. I even sometimes feel guilty that I “should” be fretting and being concerned but I remind myself that this time it is going to be different.
So, for all of you who are fretting about your weight lose. You did your best this past week. Give yourself credit for that and feel good about it. If you do your best, then you have nothing to explain, rationalize or apologize for. YOU DID YOUR BEST! Pat yourself on the back.
Now, take care of yourself (and maybe that means getting over the flu or whatever) and give yourself your best …every day!
“Habit is habit, and not to be flung out the window.. but coaxed downstairs a step at a time.”–Mark Twain.
[response to an online diet support leader who suggested having a weight lose mantra to use daily as an affirmation statement .]
Thank you for the tips about a mantra. The one thing that comes to mind is a line from the movie “The Hurricane” starring Denzel Washington. If you haven’t seen the movie, I recommend it. So this is my mantra taken from that movie because it really is something that I recently learned about myself and why I have been morbidly obese for HALF of my life.
“Hate got me in this and Love is going to get me out.”
I doubled my weight back in 1983 because I “hated” myself. Oh, I never could really admit that until very recently but I remember two comments that rang so true to me: one was said a very long time ago and shortly after I had gained 60-80 lbs within a matter of 5 months (yes it is possible). One of my Mom’s friends said, “Boy, P. must really be unhappy.” [Note: my average weight when this woman had seen me was between 125-135 lbs at 5'7"] The other one was said within the past week by our M. here (a dear friend of mine whom I had the pleasure of getting know last year and who has overcome so much)when she said she was looking at an old picture of herself and she said that she noticed how unhappy she looked. I want to take this opportunity to dispel the myth of “fat and jolly”. I was not ever a “fat and jolly” person. I was a mean, sometimes spiteful, frightened, bitter, critical, judgmental, mistrustful, controlling and pessimistic person. I thought I could hide those qualities behind a fake smile or concillatory nature but I am sure that I didn’t. Our feelings come out sideways if they come out at all. Am I that person that I used to be? No, I have been slowly changing over the past year or so. I guess, I needed to be ill and sick and weak for me to finally admit that I wasn’t the person who I thought I was and I probably never was either. Underneath all of that “garbage” I found out that I am actually quite a caring and compassionate person. Who knew? So, that is my mantra and what those words mean to me. I hated myself for a lot of the wrong reasons but it wasn’t until I began (and it was a slow process) to begin to accept myself “just as I am” (and that is really scary too) that I began to love myself. It is a slow and sometimes quiet process but it is happening. I am finally learning that I am okay “just as I am”. Once I began to love myself, I wanted different things. One of those was to quit punishing myself with extra food. I have no idea what awaits for me in the future but I pray to God that it will not be a repeat of the past.
So, my mantra is “Hate got me in this and Love is going to get me out.”
“Actions speak louder than words.”
What does that mean when it comes to weight lose, eating healthy and improving your overall state of health? Everything!
If you are new to “all of this”, much of it can seem overwhelming at first. Sometimes, you get caught up in a wave of activity that has you doing this or doing that and, sometimes, you aren’t even sure whether it is something that you even want to do let alone wonder why you agreed to do in the first place?
If you are an emotional eater, you are going to react to all of this new regimen–emotionally, like you have everything else in your life. Unfortunately, sometimes, when you react emotionally to all of the “dos and don’ts” of your new lifestyle that you are trying to “perfect”, you turn to your old stand-by: extra food!
What, you say, that wasn’t part of the “plan”? No but it often and does happen. So, what is the “fix” for that? ( we are always looking for a fix, right?) Well, it is easier said than done but it is exactly what you need to do!
“Fake it until you make it!” is one saying that comes to mind.
As a recovering emotional eater, at one point in your shedding off your old past, you need to “let go”: let go of former beliefs, let go of former habits and, yes possibly, let go of former “acquaintances, places, foods, etc.”; if you are to create a new life for yourself. What does it mean? Only by you “letting go” of “the way” you used to know and live will you find out.
Recently, I read one woman, who was over 100 lbs overweight, bemoan the fact that she had “given up so much” and yet she still wasn’t losing weight. What she had “given up” (and it had only been temporary) was GS cookies (’tis the season), free office retirement cake, movie popcorn and trips through fast food drive-thrus. Should we be sympathetic (read: being an enabler)? NO!
What she has failed to realize is that she is not giving up those particular foods but her “attachment” to them. By her actions, she is still telling us and herself that life without those food items is “dull, lifeless, unbearable, not as sweet (that might be true for a brief moment)” and how could she possibly live if she isn’t “rewarded” with some kind of weight lose for all of that “sacrifice.”? She may not know it today but if she truly wants to lose weight, this is a “cake walk” (no pun intended) compared to what she really may have to “sacrifice”. In fact, that is only the beginning.
The best gauge of how well you are doing today with your relationship with food is to look around and view your actions as if you were looking at a stranger crossing the street? If you saw yourself in that way, would you say that person had a good relationship with food or “otherwise”?
When I see a person who is trim, walking with a confident stride with head held up high and breathing in the air around her I don’t see someone that I necessarily envy (fortunately, I am not a particularly jealous person by nature) but someone that I know has worked hard to look, feel and be “that way”. If you are a person who considers that other person “lucky”, think again! Nine times out of ten that person worked hard to be, look and feel that way. Sorry, but that is the real truth.
Now, comes the second part of what I said earlier: “faking it until you make it.” What does that mean exactly? It means that you get up at 5 a.m. to do your workout if that is the only time you can fit it in your daily schedule. If you say, but I’m not a morning person. Well, now comes the “faking part”: be one whether you like it, want it, aspire to it or embrace it. The same goes for your food plan. How badly do you want to be slender, thin, a “normal” weight for your height, etc? Badly enough to possibly have a piece of birthday cake once a year (yours only) and pass the other 20+x that happen (birthdays happen every day!)throughout the year? Passing on it doesn’t mean you have to like doing that…think of it is more as pursuing the ‘greater good’. Which reminds me of another saying, “Nothing tastes as good as thin feels.”
We, as emotional eaters, developed a lot of attachments to particular foods. The problem is that until we “let go” of these attachments, there is no room for other “things”( including people) that might be better for us and our overall well-being.
So, for today, what does your actions say about who you are today? Is this the message you want to present to the world but, even more importantly, to yourself?keep looking »