Gotta be more to life than salads

As I have mentioned before, I love to cook and try new recipes as well as make up my own. To the question about how do you make moist and sweet bakery goods the main thing to do is substitute some kind of softened fruit in place of the oil that is usually called for in most boxed or from scratch recipes. For example, unsweetened applesauce, baby food prunes so it has the texture of applesauce (this is great to bring out the taste of chocolate), canned pumpkin or a mashed up very ripe banana. All of these will make any cake or cookie moist. I have been doing this for several years and I have never been disappointed in the moistness of my baked goods. The good news with this is that it makes any baked good low fat automatically. So, experiment with the different fruits above that I mentioned.

My aunt (who is now deceased) gave me a cookbook using only Splenda. I have made many of the recipes from it and I will admit that I really gave it my best try. I agree with you that Splenda has its shortcomings. However, there are sugar-Splenda blends that might actually work although if it is the sweetness that you are missing then I would recommend adding dried fruit to the batter mix. Dried fruit is triple the amount of natural fructose (because the ripening process brings out the natural sugar in the fruit) and it really does the trick!

Just a note, there are 765 calories in one cup of white sugar. I can tell you that when I want a cookie, it is never just one! So, with that in mind, my latest “experiments” in the kitchen have involved trying to figure out the right amount of sugar for taste without having so much that it sends my blood glucose soaring. As I have been “studying” the ingredients in some of these recipes I have noticed that sometimes there is a duplication of some that really don’t need to be in most recipes. If you use self-rising flour for example, you do not need to add both baking soda and salt to it because the self-rising flour already has salt added to the flour during the processing of it. I heard that from a professional cook on a cooking program a few years ago. I did not know that!

Also, when looking at a recipe that calls for both commercially brand peanut butter (not the Smart Balance or the natural) reduce the amount of sugar that is also called for because there is already sugar in the peanut butter (like Jif or Skippy). So, lately I have decided that rather than go entirely no sugar (which I have done in the past for months on end) I am going more for lower sugar as long as the taste and texture are a close match to the original.

I just read recently that sugar also adds volume to baked goods and that if you use all Splenda expect your baked goods to come out flatter and not rise as well. I do use Splenda sweetened products when I know that having one with sugar is not the right choice for me. I also have to watch how added sugar (including natural fruit juices) impact my blood glucose so there is a place for Splenda in my food plan for that reason alone. However, I don’t think it is as good in baking (even though they claim that) as I would like. I like your idea of just using less frosting rather than 1″ layer. I just think sometimes with so many foods, it is a matter of doing away with the “overkill”: overly sweet, overly salty, overly greasy. It truly is a “cleaner way of eating”. In fact, it is now my preferred way of eating.

Y’know, it is OKAY to not feel like doing some things for others, B. I was just sharing with my husband that women give more and more and expect to receive less and less than anyone else I know. We have this “indoctrination” that we feel like we MUST do this no matter what. However, this also builds up resentment and simmering anger which for any one who links unexpressed emotions to anything related to food; is a huge RED FLAG.

What has helped me is to ask myself when I am giving to another person “anything”; is this what I really want to do, out of love and support? If the answer is YES then I give freely but if I have even a smidgen of “holding back” then I wait until I am ready to give totally and completely without any regrets or remorse. Learning to say “NO” is as equally important as learning to say “Yes”. I have used this technique many times over many years and it has served me well. I most recently used it this past Mother’s Day.

I have only one child, an adult daughter, who is nearly 38 years old. I am very proud of all that she has accomplished on her own. However, she has been unforgiving of some of my behavior while she was growing up. Although she is a counselor, she has never accepted that I suffered from severe depression when she was a teenager. I pushed myself out the door to attend many of her school events in spite of extreme agoraphobia. I was always involved in making sure she had the best education as well as spiritual direction. I know I was a good mother who was really struggling with her own personal demons. However, since I was not a very demonstrative person then (and I still am not compared to others) she felt I was cold and distant emotionally. According to her, this colored her life for good.

She has always been very good about remembering me on Mother’s Day as well as Christmas and my birthday although within the past couple years as she has been making some personal choices that are causing her a lot of unhappiness she has begun to lash out at me. Now, I have had two failed marriages where I was married to abusers and so I recognize when someone is not treating me well. I tried to push through it in the past year because I knew she wanted to talk about the past and try to bring some closure to it. However, every conversation for the past year has left me bawling and feeling very verbally beaten up. She is exhibiting classic abuser behaviors.

Last winter I gave her some money (as often I do) so she could fly back to where my sister and Dad live. She said she wanted to see them. However, my sister called me up while my daughter was there saying that my daughter said some of the most outlandish things that I have ever heard. My sister can be confrontational at times and this was one of them. Well, of course, I wanted to find out the “truth” (since my sister has a tendency to lie and exaggerate) so I tried to contact my daughter. She told me “she needed her space”. I was shocked by my daughter’s behavior but I did not want to “pass judgement” on what she “may” have said until I heard it from her own mouth. My attempts to have a conversation with her during Christmas were unsuccessful. Fast forward to this past weekend: she called but I was in traffic so I said that I would call her back when I was at home.

The conversation started out promising. We talked cordially for about a half an hour and then she asked me if I had “noticed” that she hadn’t talked to me for nearly 5 months and did I understand that she needed her space. I said, was she aware that I too needed my space and I was not going to be talked about in a cruel, behind my back way by my only child without some kind of explanation on her part? Then, the verbal abuse began. I was both shaking and in tears. I listened to her for another half hour as she railed into me about her “being hurt” by me. After 30 more minutes, I said that I did not appreciate having this kind of phone call on Mother’s Day night and I told her to not call me. I did not say “forever”. I hate to admit this but I awaken my husband (who has an early morning for work) so I could cry on his shoulder. He has been very angry about the frequency of the nature of these calls from her for the past year and he has come very close to saying that he didn’t want me to even accept any calls from her.

I felt at peace with my decision. The next morning I had an apology in my e-mail box from my daughter. I wrote two words. “Apology accepted”. I also told her that I loved her and I wished her all the best. For 22 years I waited for her to show me some sign of respect. I feel that by her finally admitting her part in this tirade she continues was a good start. She is a very unhappy person but some of her personal choices that she has chosen to make in the past few years have me both worried and frightened for her personal safety. If I got a phone call someday that she was murdered or beaten to death, it would not surprise me. However unhappy she is I will not allow her to pull me into her own “drama” and take me down with her. I still feel at peace with my decision. If she calls me, of course, I will accept it. I even send her money from time to time when we have it. However, my own personal health is #1 priority with me and this includes removing myself from “toxic relationships” no matter how close they might be. For me; that is a lifestyle change.

I realize that this might be shocking to many of you mothers here that I would draw such a strong stand with my daughter but if you knew how verbally abusive she has been to me and for how long, you would be more surprised that I tolerated it as long as I did. As I began to dig beneath the reason why I went from 140 lbs to 301.8 lbs. I realized that there was a lot of self-hatred that was underneath all of that extra weight. I had abused my body the way others in my past had abused me; either sexually, physically or emotionally. I had to remove each one of those “sources” over time. My daughter is the last one. It is because I love myself and her, that I had to do that. She needs help in a way that a mother’s love is not enough for her. As I told my husband, the light is always on in my window. I would never turn my back on her and I haven’t when she has truly needed me but I need respect and healthy love. I realize that she can’t do that right now. Maybe someday she will. However, I am not going to hold my breath and stop living my life waiting for that to happen. I feel at peace with this so I know I did the right thing for me.

The more “work” that I do outside of food plans and exercising, the less all of this seems like dieting to me. And, that is the main point of that article with the Fast Breaks series. I don’t “need” to overeat for any other reason than the food tastes good and I want to continue eating it. I don’t think that will ever completely go away.

I pushed myself to do a chair aerobics workout last night even though it wasn’t my night to do (it was ODD-strength exercise day) because I did not want the sun to set without me doing it. I was doing a little better than the 70+ year old lady in the second row of chairs. I have trouble bending my knees (the opposite of D.’s hubby) so I can’t cross my legs or kick them back without a lot of pain. My right knee is practically frozen straight.

My RA was rough yesterday and I could barely move but I moaned and groaned through the workout. I talk to myself like a drill sergeant regarding working out. I say”P., what day is this?” It is ODD day. “So, what do you do on the ODD days?” I do arms and lower body. “Well, hop to it then.” Yes, this is my conversation. LOL. I consider any time a good time to exercise. I consider one 24 hour day to last from 12:01 a.m. to 11:59 p.m. and, yes, sometimes, I do exercise the last hour of the day.

I too am now going to have someone home with me more during the day than not: my hubby’s employment typically slows down during the summer months. I feel self-conscious having him watch me exercise so I try to encourage him to go for a walk while I do my own workouts. I did a lot of cooking yesterday so I will have some really good leftovers for the next couple of days.

Speaking of food: the ingredients that I use in so many recipes are garlic powder (not salt), chopped onions and/or green peppers, red pepper (both the seasoning and the vegetable), low sodium flavored broths (or some saved juices from cooking meats–not the fats) and rotating curry powder, cumin, sage or thyme for flavoring meats and/or sauces. None of these add calories, sodium or fat.

I will say this, “this time” feels different to me. I feel like I will lose more than my “usual” 30-40 lbs and I will stick with this until I see my end goal weight. I now fully understand what it means to transform your life because I believe that is what is happening to mine.

My NSV(non scale victory) to share today: I weigh today what I weighed in September 1983. Yes 1983!! That was almost 30 years ago. One word describes how I feel: REDEMPTION.

This year is significant for me in several ways: I am a Snake and so this is the Year of the Snake, so hence I have also chosen to call it “The Year of Me” but also because it marks the fact that I have been morbidly obese for 30 years and my 60th birthday is coming up in mid-July. I feel like this year, more than others perhaps, weighs (no pun intended) heavily on me. I really feel like it is a year that I must take action. So, here is what I have done the past 4 1/2 months:

January 1, 2013: I rejoined an “independent” (of any specific sites) online diet support group which is lead by a former team leader that I have known and been a part of (on and off) groups she has lead before since 2010. Motivation is high starting this new year because I am facing a big “milestone”: my 60th birthday this coming summer. This group reports weekly weigh ins and monthly measurements. There is minimal daily interaction. I also resumed practicing the principles of OA (Overeaters Anonymous) of which I have been following on and off for nearly 17 1/2 years.

January 30, 2013: After a month of the “same old same old” (losing and regaining) and having recently joined another offshoot support group (on a site that I previously was a member), a woman who was starting her maintenance, after losing her targeted weight in 2012, approached me and asked me if I wanted to send her my daily meal plan for her to view, review and possibly make comments. I had never done anything like this before. I said “Yes”.

February 1, 2013: I resumed doing a free weight workout with hand weights as well as specific strengthening and toning exercises for my ab/core and lower body. I began walking on my treadmill at home 15 minutes at one time. Note: I have advanced arthritis and “compromised” mobility as well as muscle weakness and joint stiffness.

March 13, 2013: The woman, whom I now refer to as my ‘food sponsor’, started up a new “Boot Camp” themed group support on Sparkpeople with another person and told me about this new group forming. I ‘followed’ her here to this site and joined this team challenge. I had never done a more structured team approach before for weight lose. This was my “first”.

There is daily accountability regarding personal weight lose and health habits that I am expected to keep track of on a spreadsheet as well as a weekly reporting “roll call” within the group. There are bonus “challenges” in the form of additional strength exercises for specific body parts on specific days. Other “challenges” involved daily sharing on discussion threads as well as setting and meeting personal goals.

April 26, 2013: End of this 7 week “Boot Camp” challenge. I was one of two people (we had two teams) with the most weight lose. I can point to the daily accountability as keeping me on track during this time as well as motivating me to push myself to meet my own personal goals.

May 3, 2013: Due to a change in team leaders, the “Boot Camp” was renamed and reorganized with the replacement of one new team leader. I signed up for the next 8 week “challenge”; which includes weekly challenges of doing specific body part workouts, reading articles about succeeding in losing weight and trying new recipes (all information here on Sparkpeople site).

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February 1, 2013-present:

Apart from these group efforts, my personal efforts have involved creating a free weight workout for my arms/shoulders, abs/core and lower body which I have chosen to do on an ODD/EVEN day schedule with one day off per week. On average, I am working my arms, shoulders and lower body 3x a week and my abs/core 3x a week. As each muscle group area becomes stronger, I increase the reps that I am doing by 10.

As of May 13, 2013; I am currently doing 3 sets of 10 reps per exercise with  an average of doing 10 separate exercises per muscle group. [300 reps each for arms/shoulders, abs/core and lower body. On ODD days that total is 600 separate reps bor arms and lower body combined and on EVEN days that is 300 reps for abs alone] I have maintained this workout schedule for 4 weeks. My end goal is to do 50 reps for each body part per exercise (10 each) which would total 500 reps per muscle group every other day.

In spite of the weight lose that I have experienced since January 1, 2013 (30+ lbs) I have not been able to appreciably increase my walking on the treadmill because of the extreme damage to my knee joints due to arthritis. I am presently exploring seated aerobic workouts as an alternative for my cardio development.

SIDE NOTE: I am also currently leading an online walking challenge with the initial group that I report to, which has gotten a good response within the group,  and I also plan to do a food plan challenge starting in June.

Since I have both elevated blood glucose and blood pressure and I do NOT want to take medication for either of these “lifestyle conditions”, I have recently begun following the American Diabetes Assoc. recommendation of eating 60-75 grams of carbs per meal as well as keeping my daily sodium under 2500 mg with the end goal of <2000 mg sodium daily. Starting this past year, I have also begun keeping track of my consumption of saturated fats as well. I keep a detailed food log daily which I have sent to my “food sponsor” since January 30, 2013 and which I plan to continue to do so since I consider it a “key” to the steady weight lose that I have had this past year.

As of April 21, 2013: I have also begun taking a mega multi-vitamin that is recommended for bariatic weight lose surgery patients (which I am not) so as to meet all of the nutritional demands that I am putting on my body.

….stay tuned for more updates to the “Steps that I am Taking” to lose all of my extra weight.

“WANT is a growing giant whom the coat of HAVE was never large enough to cover.”—Ralph Waldo Emerson.

My “wants” outran my “haves” in all things; though most of all being food-oriented, my want to be able to eat what I want when I want it is by far the hardest one to put down, leave alone and give up. We just passed through yet another “excuse” to overeat: Easter and Passover. I did fine in measuring one serving size, recording it and then reporting it to my food sponsor, S., but when I ran out of my sugar free chocolate I had bought solely for my “sweet treat”, I turned to “what was left” of the homemade chocolate fudge I made my husband. All I can say is “OY!”  The more I had the more I wanted and the more I wanted the more I had.  How self-defeated I felt not to mention how blind I was to my own “intentions”!

Having extra weight (more than our bodies need for either survival or need) is the most obvious symptom of WANT. I definitely subscribed to the saying “More is more and I am entitled to it!” What defiance I have when I stomp my feet and WANT MORE…especially food. Whatever I wanted, I thought that I should have it simply based on the strength of wanting it. This defiance, this “inner child of age three” temper tantrum is what got me into being obese, into excessive credit card debt as well as poor relationship choices; just to name the three that plagued my former life the most.

The truth is I SELDOM NEEDED the things that I WANTED. Case in point; I didn’t need to marry my second husband but I WANTED to marry him in spite of our basic beliefs being totally opposite. We were like vinegar and oil. We never did mix BUT I had to marry him because that is what I wanted. When I stopped WANTING to be married (just another thing to own) like a title to a prized possession, the “best” person for me entered into my life. It took seven years of “self-prescribed” aloneness to allow the process of falling in love to happen “naturally”. I wasn’t marrying someone for what he could do for me (and my second husband told me later he was looking for a trophy wife in me) but how much love I wanted to give him when I was with him. I NEEDED to love more than I NEEDED to be loved. I had all of this inside of me that I wanted to express. What a difference!

When I got credit card offers one after another, I “had to” accept them. Forget about all the bargain hunting that I was so good at. That went out the window but in the mail came all of the bills that I now had to pay because I just HAD TO HAVE yet another purse, another pair of shoes and another outfit that (BTW) did NOT Fit the way I WANTED it to. It took filing for bankruptcy once, getting into credit card debt twice and on the third round for me to realize that only accept what you can handle (and even then that is taking a risk on both your self-honesty and ability to repay) and NO MORE!

A few years ago, I challenged the other members in the online diet group I was leading to clean one room of their home at a time. By the sound of their grumblings many found it to be more of a task of LACK OF WANT than WANT but many also found out how much “stuff” they actually owned. I for one was amazed at how I was able to fill 15 lawn size plastic bags full of clothes that I either had never worn or worn once (nothing in a size 28 really looks all that great on you, I hate to say!) and my closet was STILL full of remaining clothes!!

The biggest surprise was when I asked them to go through their kitchen cupboards and refrigerator. Many found things they forgot they had bought and was shoved way in the dark recesses of their cupboards, closets and drawers. Some made comments that they had salad dressings with expiration dates going back four years. Now, how does that sound in really taking care of your body as the “precious gem” that it is?

I have since learned that what my life needs is not more stuff although I still love to shop but it needs to be MORE SIMPLE, HAVE LESS IN IT and the things that I do NEED are MORE TIME, MORE GRATITUDE, MORE APPRECIATION OF WHAT I DO HAVE and LESS GRUMBLING ABOUT WHAT I DON’T HAVE.

I will now pose a question to you to ponder, when the next time you WANT that something (whether it is one more helping of food, a specific  sweet treat or just any old thing), ask yourself this: “IF I bring this into my mouth, my home, my life; what will it add to my life that I really can’t do without now?”

There is no right or wrong answer. After all, I still love to shop, to eat a delicious well-prepared meal and I love showing off the love of my life whenever we are out. If you love having extra “stuff”, things, food, etc. in your life then you truly want what you’ve got but if you wouldn’t miss it if you waited 24-48 hours then maybe you really didn’t NEED it as much as you thought.

My challenge to you is “Let’s have more wanting what we have and less wanting what we don’t need.” Do I hear an “Amen!” I hope so.

Measurements:[ taken on 12/31/12]:

Neck: 17″

Upper Arm: 17″

Bust:  55″

Waist: 48.50″

Hips: 56.50″

Mid-Thigh: 37.50″

Mid-Calf: 17.50″

Height: 5’6.5″

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Measurements: [taken on 1/31/13]

Neck: 17″ (no change)

Upper Arm: 17″ (no change)

Bust: 53 3/4″ (lost 1 1/4″)

Waist: 49″ (gained 1/2″)

Hips: 57″ (gained 1/2″)

Mid-Thigh: 27″ (lost 10 1/2″)

Mid-Calf: 16.5″ (lost 1/2″)

Height: 5′6.5″

Total Monthly Inches Lost: 12.25″

Note: Some of the ‘dramatic’ inches lost in my lower half of my body may be attributed to water weight lose since I do have a tendency to ’store’ my water weight from the waist down.

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Measurements: [taken on 3/1/13]

Neck: 16 1/2″ (lost 1/2″)

Upper Arm: 16 1/2″ (lost 1/2″)

Bust:  52″ (lost 1 3/4″)

Waist: 47″ (lost 2″)

Hips: 55 1/2″ (lost 1 1/2″)

Mid-Thigh: 26 1/4″ (lost 3/4″)

Mid-Calf: 16 1/2″ (no change)

Height: 5’6.5″

Total Monthly Inches Lost: 7″ Total Inches Lost Since 1/1/13: 19.25″

NOTE: I resumed exercising. This includes doing a free weight workout as well resuming walking on the treadmill every day for the past week for approximately 15 minutes at a time. My plan is to continue to do my free weight workout and increase the amount of time spent walking on the treadmill this coming month.

Measurements: [taken on 4/1/13]

Neck: 16″ (lost 1/2″)

Upper Arm: 16 ” (lost 1/2″)

Bust:  51 1/2″ (lost 1/2″)

Waist: 47″ (no change )

Hips: 55 ” (lost 1/2″)

Mid-Thigh: 25 ” (lost 1 1/4″)

Mid-Calf: 16 ” (lost 1/2″)

Height: 5’6.5″

Total Monthly Inches Lost: 3.75″ Total Inches Lost Since 1/1/13: 23″

NOTE: joined BL Bootcamp in mid-March and so I have increased walking, doing bonus challenges for body parts (i.e.; core, arms, legs) as well as increased frequency of workouts throughout the week.

Measurements: [taken on 5/1/13]

Neck: 16 ” (no change)

Upper Arm: 15 1/2″ (lost 1/2″)

Bust:  50 1/2″ ( lost 1″)

Waist: 47″ (no change)

Hips: 53 3/4″ (lost  1 1/4″)

Mid-Thigh: 24 1/2″ ( lost 1/2″)

Mid-Calf: 14 1/2″ ( lost 1 1/2″) **(I had been measuring at the heaviest part of my calf and this time I went mid-way)

Height: 5’6.5″

Weight: 244.6 lbs.

Current Weight: 245 lbs (4/29/13) This has been, by far, the best month for consistent weight loss that I have had yet this year. I attribute this more to working out and being more active than adhering strictly to my food plan. However, I also managed to lose some regained weight from post-Easter holiday weekend as well. I do hope that the next month will show both my adherence to my food plan as well as a regular exercise program.

Total Monthly Inches Lost: 4.75″ Total Overall Inches Lost Since 1/1/13: 27.25″

NOTE: I attribute the inches lost in my lower body because of the extra attention that I have paid in working out the muscle groups in that area. I haven’t been walking on the treadmill regularly because of a reoccurring injury to my left knee. So, I refocused my attention on strengthening the muscles that support the knee joints with measurable “success”. Now, starting a new month, I plan on walking on the treadmill on alternate days. I also attribute the inches lost in my upper body for the same reason: my upper body free weight work outs.  I have just begun to focus on the core muscles so my waistline has not shown the progress there yet but part of the inches lost in the hip area are directly a result of the start up of working my core muscles.

Measurements: [taken on 6/1/13]

Neck: 16″ (no change)

Upper Arm: 15″ (lost 1/2″)

Bust:  50 1/2″ (no change)

Waist: 46 1/2″ ( lost 1/2″)

Hips: 53 1/4″ (lost 1/2″)

Mid-Thigh: 24″ (lost 1/2″)

Mid-Calf: 14″ (lost 1/2″)

Monthly Inches Lost: 2 1/2″ Overall Total Inches Lost (since 1/1/13): 29 3/4″

Note: I am most pleased with having lost 1/2 inch in my waistline. I have increased the frequency of doing ab and core exercises. Since I carry the majority of my extra weight through my torso, I know that it is important to lose as much from this area as possible to reduce my risk of most diseases.

Height: 5’6.5″

[reporting post Week One of my Boot Camp Challenge I signed up for 10 days ago and began a week ago. This Boot Camp was created by Biggest Loser and now two former BL team leaders have organized it off the BL campus and are running it online. My food sponsor is one of the team leaders and I agreed to join. I have NEVER been a participate in any kind of group/team fitness challenge like this before. This is all new to me!]

I will say, in all honesty, that I haven’t been this “involved” in my own personal fitness in almost 2 1/2 years. It feels good but I really had to re-prioritize my activities to make sure that I got it all done. I always like to give myself a non-food reward when I feel like I have done something extra for myself so I ordered two more exercise dvds based on what I am seeing a need for: back pain (deeper core muscles exercises), stronger knees (I certainly need that) and I got a free bonus dvd (ab attack) by ordering before April 12th from one of my favorite catalogs. That should keep me busy!

I did find that doing the chair dancing aggravated my back. If I am to follow the instructor she has you doing high (like over your shoulders high) leg kicks to the music while seated. Try that just once and maintaining your balance and good posture. ! It is ridiculously hard which I am quite happy because that means this is an exercise routine that I can grow into. There is nothing more “disappointing” than buying an exercise dvd and moving past it within a couple of weeks. I suspect that in order to match the instructor on this exercise dvd leg kick for leg kick, it might take me a good 6-8 weeks of really working at it. She must have unbelievably strong core muscles.

I am finding that anything that really makes demands on my core muscles is ultimately affecting my back. I know that my form is good because I am very careful, don’t do them too quickly or jerk or anything so I really just think I need deeper muscle work. Hence, getting the back dvd. I have also found when I did my Peggy Cappy (she is on PBS) yoga back poses my back hurt afterwards as well. So, I am definitely in tune with my body.

I had a thought last night that I wanted to share with all of you. This was a very demanding past week for me. I haven’t embraced doing this much for myself physically in a few years. It felt good but it is daunting and I am sure many of you are thinking; how am I going to keep up the pace? Well, this is how I am going to approach this: ONE DAY AT A TIME. I am not going to think about where I will be next week or next month or even this summer. I am just going to do what is ‘asked of me’ today and then say “Well done!” (hopefully anyway) and then let tomorrow come when it comes.

I do the same with the amount of weight that I have to lose. I just focus on today’s meal plan and do my best. Once I submit that to SM. (my food sponsor), I file it away on my computer and I am done with it. I do make a mental note of areas where I need to improve and I do think about them as I am planning the next day BUT not until that next day arrives. I want to remove as much obsession, worry and anxiety as I can about this. I used to do all three in the past and I was tied up in knots and pretty darn miserable. Now, it is “easy does it.”

And, since I have had such a long history of worrying and being anxious about my weight, etc., not doing so feels pretty weird at times. I even sometimes feel guilty that I “should” be fretting and being concerned but I remind myself that this time it is going to be different.

So, for all of you who are fretting about your weight lose. You did your best this past week. Give yourself credit for that and feel good about it. If you do your best, then you have nothing to explain, rationalize or apologize for. YOU DID YOUR BEST! Pat yourself on the back.

Now, take care of yourself (and maybe that means getting over the flu or whatever) and give yourself your best …every day!

“Habit is habit, and not to be flung out the window.. but coaxed downstairs a step at a time.”–Mark Twain.

[response to an online diet support leader who suggested having a weight lose mantra to use daily as an affirmation statement .]

Thank you for the tips about a mantra. The one thing that comes to mind is a line from the movie “The Hurricane” starring Denzel Washington. If you haven’t seen the movie, I recommend it. So this is my mantra taken from that movie because it really is something that I recently learned about myself and why I have been morbidly obese for HALF of my life.

“Hate got me in this and Love is going to get me out.”

I doubled my weight back in 1983 because I “hated” myself. Oh, I never could really admit that until very recently but I remember two comments that rang so true to me: one was said a very long time ago and shortly after I had gained 60-80 lbs within a matter of 5 months (yes it is possible). One of my Mom’s friends said, “Boy, P. must really be unhappy.” [Note: my average weight when this woman had seen me was between 125-135 lbs at 5'7"] The other one was said within the past week by our M. here (a dear friend of mine whom I had the pleasure of getting know last year and who has overcome so much)when she said she was looking at an old picture of herself and she said that she noticed how unhappy she looked. I want to take this opportunity to dispel the myth of “fat and jolly”. I was not ever a “fat and jolly” person. I was a mean, sometimes spiteful, frightened, bitter, critical, judgmental, mistrustful, controlling and pessimistic person. I thought I could hide those qualities behind a fake smile or concillatory nature but I am sure that I didn’t. Our feelings come out sideways if they come out at all. Am I that person that I used to be? No, I have been slowly changing over the past year or so. I guess, I needed to be ill and sick and weak for me to finally admit that I wasn’t the person who I thought I was and I probably never was either. Underneath all of that “garbage” I found out that I am actually quite a caring and compassionate person. Who knew? So, that is my mantra and what those words mean to me. I hated myself for a lot of the wrong reasons but it wasn’t until I began (and it was a slow process) to begin to accept myself “just as I am” (and that is really scary too) that I began to love myself. It is a slow and sometimes quiet process but it is happening. I am finally learning that I am okay “just as I am”. Once I began to love myself, I wanted different things. One of those was to quit punishing myself with extra food. I have no idea what awaits for me in the future but I pray to God that it will not be a repeat of the past.

So, my mantra is “Hate got me in this and Love is going to get me out.”

“Actions speak louder than words.”

What does that mean when it comes to weight lose, eating healthy and improving your overall state of health? Everything!

If you are new to “all of this”, much of it can seem overwhelming at first. Sometimes, you get caught up in a wave of activity that has you doing this or doing that and, sometimes, you aren’t even sure whether it is something that you even want to do let alone wonder why you agreed to do in the first place?

If you are an emotional eater, you are going to react to all of this new regimen–emotionally, like you have everything else in your life. Unfortunately, sometimes, when you react emotionally to all of the “dos and don’ts” of your new lifestyle that you are trying to “perfect”, you turn to your old stand-by: extra food!

What, you say, that wasn’t part of the “plan”? No but it often and does happen. So, what is the “fix” for that? ( we are always looking for a fix, right?) Well, it is easier said than done but it is exactly what you need to do!

“Fake it until you make it!” is one saying that comes to mind.

As a recovering emotional eater, at one point in your shedding off your old past, you need to “let go”: let go of former beliefs, let go of former habits and, yes possibly, let go of former “acquaintances, places, foods, etc.”; if you are to create a new life for yourself. What does it mean? Only by you “letting go” of “the way” you used to know and live will you find out.

Recently, I read one woman, who was over 100 lbs overweight, bemoan the fact that she had “given up so much” and yet she still wasn’t losing weight. What she had “given up” (and it had only been temporary) was GS cookies (’tis the season), free office retirement cake, movie popcorn and trips through fast food drive-thrus. Should we be sympathetic (read: being an enabler)? NO!

What she has failed to realize is that she is not giving up those particular foods but her “attachment” to them. By her actions, she is still telling us and herself that life without those food items is “dull, lifeless, unbearable, not as sweet (that might be true for a brief moment)” and how could she possibly live if she isn’t “rewarded” with some kind of weight lose for all of that “sacrifice.”? She may not know it today but if she truly wants to lose weight, this is a “cake walk” (no pun intended) compared to what she really may have to “sacrifice”. In fact, that is only the beginning.

The best gauge of how well you are doing today with your relationship with food is to look around and view your actions as if you were looking at a stranger crossing the street? If you saw yourself in that way, would you say that person had a good relationship with food or “otherwise”?

When I see a person who is trim, walking with a confident stride with head held up high and breathing in the air around her I don’t see someone that I necessarily envy (fortunately, I am not a particularly jealous person by nature) but someone that I know has worked hard to look, feel and be “that way”. If you are a person who considers that other person “lucky”, think again! Nine times out of ten that person worked hard to be, look and feel that way. Sorry, but that is the real truth.

Now, comes the second part of what I said earlier: “faking it until you make it.” What does that mean exactly? It means that you get up at 5 a.m. to do your workout if that is the only time you can fit it in your daily schedule. If you say, but I’m not a morning person. Well, now comes the “faking part”: be one whether you like it, want it, aspire to it or embrace it. The same goes for your food plan. How badly do you want to be slender, thin, a “normal” weight for your height, etc? Badly enough to possibly have a piece of birthday cake once a year (yours only) and pass the other 20+x that happen (birthdays happen every day!)throughout the year? Passing on it doesn’t mean you have to like doing that…think of it is more as pursuing the ‘greater good’. Which reminds me of another saying, “Nothing tastes as good as thin feels.”

We, as emotional eaters, developed a lot of attachments to particular foods. The problem is that until we “let go” of these attachments, there is no room for other “things”( including people) that might be better for us and our overall well-being.

So, for today, what does your actions say about who you are today? Is this the message you want to present to the world but, even more importantly, to yourself?

My definition of a “good” food plan is one that I have an 80% chance of sticking to day in and day out.

The other 20% is the times when life throws a curve ball out of left field, hits us in the noggin and we are dazed and confused.

Some factors to take into consideration when choosing a “good” food plan:

Our age. Younger bodies are more forgiving. As we age, we really do need our sleep, our R&R and, no, we can’t burn the candle at both ends like we used back in our 20s and 30s.

Our present health condition. Again, do we have some health issues that we really need to address directly with our food plan. This can be anything from being anemic (needing more iron), early onset of osteoporosis(shorter, petite and white women are at the highest risk)(needing more calcium), any kind of diseases that we have inherited from our “gene pool” (thanks Mom & Dad) like high cholesterol, high blood pressure or even diabetes. For example, my Dad has macular degeneration (the center of the eye goes blind first so you are left with peripheral vision) and since there is no cure (yet) one of the ways both he is being treated and what is recommended is eating dark vegetables (haven’t we heard that before?) as well as high dosages of lutein and other vitamins(and this is from the Mayo Clinic not homeopathic treatments). Address these issues first and get them under control before you even think about anything else when choosing your food plan.

Our lifestyle. If we are working double shifts and the only salads near us are in vending machines then we have to take that into serious consideration. Should you bring your food from home? Should you have foods that “stay well” and don’t need refrigeration? With careful planning, you can have a food plan even working rotating shifts but it does take a little more planning to “pull it off”. Sometimes, we think that those of us who are semi-retired or are at home have it “easier” but remember we are also exposed to food on a more constant basis than someone who is busy with their job’s responsibilities.  There is no one who has a “cake walk” when it comes to “lifestyle”. Within each type, there are its own unique set of problems to deal with and eventually “master”. No one gets a Pass Go card. Also, are you a person who has a very active social life which may expose you to a lot of foods and drinks that may create some problems in sticking to your food plan? There are two schools of thought on this: avoidance or assimilation. You can avoid those situations altogether or you can find a way to adapt your food plan to the situation. Caveat: this takes skill, some self-discipline and sometimes ingenuity but it can be done successfully. So, if you really want to have beer and pizza with your bowling friends, you can fit your food plan into these social situations.

Our disposition, taste preferences and cooking skills. Some of us wouldn’t know a crepe pan from a frying pan (actually you can use either one for the same purpose, which some people might not know). Some of us don’t care to know either! In recent years, a revolution has happened in the food industry. Some of it good and some of it not so good. Here is where some people can become neurotic about everything has to be “whole food, organic, non-GMO(genetically modified organisms) and absent of everything we ever loved as children.” (that last part is my expressed opinion). Here is where I get off my soapbox and stand as your equal. If you can’t stand brussel sprouts and the smell of them cooking makes you green; don’t buy them and don’t force yourself to eat them! However, if you are of the ilk (such as myself) where you will willingly try anything “once”, then have some fun trying new and (sometimes exotic) foods. In my opinion, it keeps life interesting.

So, what constitutes a “good” food plan? One that takes all of the above into consideration. Give yourself time as well in finding which food plan works for you. Experiment. Sometimes, I have tried something in particular, didn’t like the taste or texture of it before but something drew me back to trying it once again and then I found either a way to make it interesting and enjoyable to eat or I passed on it completely.

How important is finding and then working a “good” food plan? In my opinion, it is the foundation of a successful weight lose and eventually weight maintenance program. It will fuel your workouts and affect the quality of them, it will ward off viruses better than the flu shot (when I was walking 15 miles a week for 7 years I had one cold in 3 years!) and if you pay particular attention to tailoring your food plan to the above criteria, I can guarantee you that you will be less frustrated with your food selections and you will know how to transition from reduction to maintaining your weight goals.

There is one last and most important point I wish to make: if won’t work, if you don’t work it! If you are having a lot of trouble sticking to your food plan, don’t assume that it is “all you”: it just might be your food plan. Again, review the points above and then ask yourself some tough questions. Can you really adhere to a vegan, raw foods, meal replacement shakes, no sugar, low or no carbs, etc. food plan? There are as many food plans “out there” right now as there are people who will try them. So, you owe it to yourself to really do the “homework” here. After all, you spend a lot of time making decisions about other areas of your life, why not take the time to make one that will work for you in this area? Your weight lose and future success clearly depend on it. What food plan, you say? I say, your food plan. Today, tomorrow and all the days that follow.

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