Lemondropz

Its been almost 5 months since ive talked to my mom. It makes me kinda sad that shes missing out on so much. She knows nothing about whats going on and its her own fault. Our relationship is just a really toxic one. The reason why we havent talked for that long is because i finally gave up and decided that since our relationship was so one sided (me always calling her and babying her to the point where i was the mother) i wanted to see what she would do if i just didnt call her. The result is that we havent talked in 5 months. I totally just feel like i dont have a mother at all.

Finger surgery hasnt happened yet. Im still waiting for workmans comp to approve it. After that i will be out of my hated job for 2 weeks. Then i have to go back for 2 weeks of light duty. And if everything goes right i will be all healed then. So i have about a month and a half left of working in that hellhole.

Its exhausting cuz right now i am working about 46 hours a week between my 2 jobs and that isnt including the babysitting i do for my friend on the side every other week. Im happy because money is actually ok for this month. There is still not enough to put in savings so we can move but there is enough to pay the bills. Oh and get this I told my dad how busy my schedule was and he goes oh well you should hook up with a maid service and clean houses on the side. I was so pissed. I already work 46 hours a week. I barely have the time to clean my own house let alone someone elses.The only reason hes pushing so hard is because he wants to raise the rent in sept by $150 more a month and then he wants to double it in January. I understand that hes giving us a discount by living here and i understand that he needs to pay the bills. But by us living here we cant claim that we pay rent so we cant get state aid for housing and we cant claim rent to get us more money food and such. We can barely afford to pay the rent that we are paying now. We cant afford to move because hubby cant really find a job and we dont have enough money to save for the moving van or the security deposit on a new apartment in Hartford, Ct (rent is alot cheaper there) We currently live about and hour away towards the NY border.  

My dad however did buy hubby a car. So hubby isnt as limited in the search area as he was before with job searching. This is Hubbys first car and its an 88 honda accord. It takes a while to get it started and we need to buy new tires for it but it runs. My dad paid about $325 for it and put about $1,000 worth of work into it. We are extremely grateful for it (although i believe its mainly to make himself feel less guilty about raising the rent). I know now that hubby has a car my dad is going to hunt us down even more about job searches. He told me the other day he expects us to have if not a full time and a part time job each then to have at least 3 part time jobs each.

On the diet front…. well ive decided to give it a go again. I am offically back into a size 22/24 pants. I now weigh 264 pounds as of this morning. I want to be back down to 225. So today starts diet day. Although it is extremely hard to be on a diet when all you can eat is pasta and pb&j sandwiches. Thats all we have in the house until next month when we get more money from food stamps (10 days away)