My heart is breaking
I am almost 99% positive hubby wants a divorce. We have only been married 7 months. How can this be happening. He means everything to me but he feels that we cant work it out. I guess I never really told him how much he means to me. I just dont know what to do. Hes currently at work and i made myself attractive for him. I dont want to try to hard but i dont want to lose him either. WHAT DO I DO????
((((Christina)))) Honey what happened?? Just a few weeks ago you guys were talking about starting a family?? Drop me a line if you want to talk.
HUGS!!!!!!!!!!
I don’t know what your problems are- but I suggest telling him both of you need to set aside some time and have a serious talk.
You have only been married 7 months- you guys came in this for the long haul- both of you need to talk out what’s going on- get some counseling if that could help.
You say “I don’t want to try too hard” what does this mean? You don’t think your own marriage is worth fighting for? If you do- then OF COURSE you have to work hard- BOTH of you. Marriage is no walk in the park, never has been and never will be. Both of you will go through things in your life, seperately and together, but what makes a strong marriage is the dedication and work BOTH partners put into it
Why do you think he wants a divorce? Money problems? Those can be overcome with time. Sticking through the hard times makes the good times even better IMO.
When i said i dont want to try to hard i meant i dont want to be like my mom at the end of her marriage with my dad. She was trying so hard that she turned into a scary woman and scared my dad more then anything. And its not really money problems but i think problems in himself. He thinks he doesnt make me happy and i cant seem to convince him other wise.
If he doesn’t feel he makes you happy he has to ask himself why- and my best advice there is he might want to see a therapist and try to find out why he feels this way. I hope he’s not all against therapy. But if your reassurances haven’t helped him then he might need some professional help to get to the root of the problem.
In the meantime I’d give your husband attention and anytime he does something thank him and say things like “I’m the luckiest wife in the world” and other things- if he says anything negative say “no, take my compliment and believe it.”
Good luck.
I’m a firm believer that no one can make anyone else happy. We all make our own happiness. Happiness is a state of mind, a choice. (unless of course medical issues have a hand in the chemical/mental make up). Marriage is tough. The first year is tough. Having kids is tough. Setting boundaries with in-laws is tough. Conquering money troubles is tough. I’m with beerab–marriage is tough! However, it is great to have a partner to count on and work with on the tough stuff! Never hurt to get some counseling–surely there is a clinic with a sliding fee scale. My DH used to think he had “to fix” whatever I might be complaining about–even if I was just yakking and not complaining really–he took it to heart that he “wasn’t making me happy.” It took a while for him to realize, I was happy and I’m responsible for my own happiness–not him. Good luck! (((hugs)))
Don’t be positive he wants a divorce until you’ve had the actual conversation with him and he has said so. I agree no one can make another person happy, but it helps when you have someone at your side to help muddle through it all. Marriage is worth fighting for.
Marriage definitly isnt a walk in the park Christina and every day will be a day that your marriage has to be worked on. I have major self esteem issues myself and I have went for councilling because sometimes i think I had to hear from someone else that I was a good person and it was ok that I wasnt perfect because No one is.. I just thought life was suppose to be perfect. If you think he wants a divorce sit down and talk to him if it is issues with how he feels about himself maybe you can help him through it if not maybe he could get some councilling and if he felt uneasy maybe you could tag along
Big hugs to you
shelly
*hugs* It sounds like you two need to sit down and have a long heart-to-heart. Marriage is never easy, even without all the other things life throws in the way like money problems, or unexpected trials. But it is worth fighting for, because all those other issues are things that can be dealt with. What are the things that he thinks you can’t work out?
He thinks that we are too comfortable together and that there is no more passion.
aw, hon {{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}} Have you thought about marriage counseling? Would he go if you asked? All relationships go through cycles like this, but I don’t think it necessarily means that the passion is really gone. Hidden, put on the back burner, maybe..Do you guys get to spend a lot of time together? Do you go out and do new things? Maybe it’s just more of life’s monotony that is causing problems..or even health issues? I really think you guys need to dive in and find the root of the problem before anyone throws in the towel. Those first few years of marriage are such a trying time filled with growth of the relationship, so I hope you two are able to work through things.
Last year I read about thsi minister in FL who asked his married congregants to have sex every day for a month or some such thing. Then I read about another one, so I decided to experiment. I swear to you - doing it 2 or 3 or 4 times a week really makes the relationship way easier! I’m serious - I think it’s a hormone/chemical thing. Obviously, don’t do anything that feels fake, but face it, most of the time, it’s like 20 mins (tops!) out of our day and that’s a small investment with a big reward.
The other chicks all gave you good advice, for sure. My method might make you feel close enough to sit down and have the heart-to-heart. Just a thought.
((hugs))
All the advice above sounds reasonable and I agree…try not to jump to conclusions. You said you “think” he wants a divorce. Has he come out and said that for sure? You guys have only been married 7 months. I think both of you have SO MUCH going on. You’ve had school problems, money problems, possibly joining the army, a new puppy, jobs you hate, etc. You guys have taken on a lot. Truly, I think you both need to sit down and put things into perspective. Talk about what you both would like out of the relationship and what you both think marriage should be. I’m sure you guys can work things out if you’re honest with yourselves. Once that’s done, I think you guys need to come up with a solid plan on how to proceed w/ the other issues, i.e. money, etc and follow up on it, even if that means hating the job that you’re at. Stick with it.
I can think of plenty of times I wish I could just walk but deep down inside, I know I can’t and I know I have a commitment to myself, my husband, and my children.
Good luck! Talk to him. ((hugs))