synapse to synapse
172.4lbs this morning. Yip yip yahoo yippee!
getting my feet further and further implanted in normal, steady ground.
my lightheadedness-upon-standing debacle is getting worse almost to the point of debilitation. A friend pointed out the obvious, It’s my ears. I need to get my ears checked. I wish I’d known that months ago.
DS and I are both sick with some virus that’s going around.
DH isn’t getting home until around 5 today, then we go to Mass for ash wednesday (I’m giving up all forms of soda for lent) then DH has to take his DF to Houston, so I will be home alone again (with DS) until at least 10pm. I’m feeling wimpy, my head hurts, my throat hurts, I’m lonely, and I don’t recognize my body anymore.
I’m unhappy with a lot of facets of my life right now, my marriage and my family is not one of them so you don’t need to worry about that. I’m unhappy with my job, I’m unhappy that I don’t have any friends here, I’m unhappy that I haven’t furthered my schooling, I’m unhappy that I don’t play the flute anymore, I’m unhappy that I don’t volunteer anymore, I’m unhappy that I don’t enjoy reading anymore, I’m unhappy with my commitment to exercise, and I’m still unhappy with my body and I know I need to nip this one in the bud before it becomes a problem. But it is so deep-seated I don’t know what to do with it or where to even begin. I thought I would be so proud of myself. I never thought I would lose upward of 70 lbs. I never thought I’d see a “normal” BMI. I never thought I’d be a size 12 again. But those accomplishments seem so puny in the presence of what I still find wrong with my body.
I’ve got to go get ready for mass. I hate going to church when I’m feeling like this, I’m apt to completely lose myself emotionally.
Filed under: Uncategorized on February 25th, 2009
Aww I’m sending you huge e-hugs right now. I hope that you are able to see things in a more optimistic light with all you’ve gained and accomplished but who am I to talk - I do the same thing that you do. You’re beautiful and I think you’re super awesome.
*more hugs*
Hey you! I’m sorry you’re not feeling stellar right now.
You say you don’t know where to start, but it looks like you made yourself a little to-do list right there on your blog. Luckily it’s all under your control, the most difficult one being your body image.
Do you strength train at all? That really helped me to acclimate to my new body, because I was/am sort of controlling the changes. Lifting is really a lesson in self-love, confidence and pride. Sounds cheesy, so punch me out!
Gonna get better, Sweetie! Big ((((HUGS)))) coming your way!
Can I give up 9th graders for lent? I’m not Catholic…just wondering….