Leeda: Running in a Fat Suit

Ended up eating about 2000 cals today. Ran 1.5 miles on the treadmill and then did 30 minutes of the firm. Tired now and going to be. Like my use of absolutely no pronouns?

I weighed myself yesterday for the first time in ages. I was 196.8. So I’m up about 4-5 pounds. Which is about what I expected. Also, I’ll probably start my period sometime soon, so that could be a factor as well. I will weigh myself again in a couple of weeks. Will write more later.

Well, we went ahead and bought that used treadmill. It’s a Landice which is supposed to be one of the best treadmill companies out there. We got it for 200 bucks and they normally sell for 3000 or so. Even though it’s kind of old, I still think it’s a great deal. The only problem I have with it is that the elevation doesn’t work and we were told that it did. Oh well, at least it runs! Or rather it allows me to!

Still haven’t weighed myself, but eating has been pretty good. I’m not sure when I will weigh myself. I’m thinking I’ll start doing it every 2 weeks or so. I have the feeling that once I start losing again that I’ll go back to everyday, but I hope not. I ran 2 miles on the treadmill and then did weights. Tonight I’ll probably walk on it a little and then do the firm.

Got the treadmill and I love it! It’s pretty old, but it’s commercial grade and in great condition. I just hope that it lasts for at least a year as I got it dirt cheap. I ran 2 miles on it tonight and felt great.

DH, the baby, and I went out to eat. I got a chicken sandwhich and tried to listen to my body to tell me when it was full. I stopped with almost half of my sandwhich left and half of my potatoe salad. Tonight I had a handful of almonds and feel pretty satisfied, though that gnawing feeling of  “hmm, a peanut butter sandwich sure would feel good in my tummy before bed” Away, satan!

Things to remember:

Exercise makes my body feel better and, in my mind’s eye, look better.

Eating is not all there is to life.

Sometimes babies like to stick things in strange places.

First I want to say thanks for the “We miss you” posts. It really means a lot. I have been avoiding this blog on purpose.

I have been avoiding it because I have been spiraling out of control the last month or so.  I have no idea what I weigh and have no desire to know right now because it will only serve to discourage me, though I can tell by the way my body feels that I have gained weight. I’ve been a little depressed about the whole thing, I feel like a failure in a big way. I’ve not been running significantly in over a month. I get resentful that I have to pack the kiddo up in order to get a run in (not resentful towards my kiddo, but the situation and maybe at people who don’t watch him for me, so that I could run).

The last week has been a little better, I ran last weekend and walked tons. I did the Firm twice this week, but nothing nearly like I’d been doing. I just finished reading intuitve eating hoping something would strike a chord with me in that book and for the most part it did. There are some things that I disagree with, but overall I get the point. Doing it is another matter all together.

We are going to look at a used treadmill today. Hopefully it will be in good condition and we can buy it. If I can get through the boredom that comes with running on those things, then I can start running again in earnest.

I’m still going to calorie count…I just need to learn not to eat “just because”.

I’ll write more later.

Sometimes I just have to sit back and think how ludicrous all this weight loss stuff is.

I was watching the Biggest loser last night which I haven’t watched in a while. I dont watch much tv at all these days.

Anyway, as some of the contestants were cramming food from a vending machine in their mouths for the possibilty of a pound pass of wads of cash, I was thinking how strange that FOOD is the cause of this show. Or rather, our lack of control with food.

It’s just food, right? It’s only food. Why is it in theory so easy to lose weight, but most of us can’t do it? Why do we eat so much in the first place? Why can’t I be like a robot and program myself only to eat this many calories per day? It’s about my life, right? It’s about how happy I am with my body, my sex appeal? Why can’t I take the reigns completely and say., this is it! Sure, I do this every now and then, but ultimately, I fall prey to my weakness for food.

It’s all so stupid to me when I really think about it. Food is not an entity with the intelligence to bend me to its will. It is a resource that keeps me alive, like oxygen or water.

Sorry, just feeling a little resentful to my excess fat today.

Yesterday was not a good eating day, so I won’t go into it! Just for my own record, it was because of emotional upset.
Today has been pretty good. I think I have found a way to help me not eat a bunch of calories before most of the day is gone. Protein and fat (the good kind of course) really help early in the day. This morning I had 2 eggs and a serving of almonds. That was around 300 calories. I wasn’t ravenous.  I’ve noticed this before and I think I will try to stick to a similar breakfast from now on.

DH has to work today and was up all night working, so  no running without the stroller today, like I usually do I decided to do the Firm instead and it was a good workout. Tomorrow, I’m starting back my running and no excuses! I didnt check into the Mother’s Morning Out thing like I meant to so I will try to remember to do it tomorrow.

Hope everyone had a great weekend!

Sooo, it’s been 3 days since I’ve weighed. I had a really good day yesterday, except for the exercise which I never got around to , so I really wanted to weigh in this morning, but resisted.

Got up this morning and ran with the baby. Only 1.5 miles and then a 1 mile walk. I felt good that I did at least something especially since I really didn’t feel like it.

I think *knock on wood* this will be a good food day, I’ve planned it out, so cross your fingers for me!

 What is wrong with me? It’s cold I know, but that’s not a good excuse anymore. Time to bundle baby up, pull out the old stroller and get going. Still wishing I could go without the stroller, though. I have seriously been considering putting baby in a “mother’s morning out” program so I could run/do errands/clean while he’s there. I am going to check into that today, as a matter of fact.

Eating was terrible yesterday. I’ve come to the conclusion that I can no longer be trusted with peanut butter. I’ve been buying the organic kind made without hydrogenated oils, but usually when I go over my calories it’s for something sweet. I had 2 pb  and honey sandwiches in a row last night right before I went to bed. I have to say, I know why eating before bed feels so good. I always feel like I could just drift off to sleep after eating a big carby meal at night. Pitiful, isn’t it?

Ok, new plan for today: If I feel like eating, go and clean or scrapbook instead. I’ll update about my run later.

It’s 9:30 at night and I’m so hungry I could gnaw my hand off and eat it.

Instead of eating , however, I am going to post here.

I really need to stop eating so many of my calories early in the day. I think that’s why I always end up starving/binging at night. So, tomorrow, light breakfast and then I think baby and I will go out and go to the museum and the park to take my mind off food. We’ll get back, have lunch or a snack, and then take a nap. I really need to get back to planning my meals too. I still count the calories, but I’m kind of just flying by the seat of my pants.

Well off to bed before that peanut butter and honey sandwich calls my name one more time.