First I want to say thanks for the “We miss you” posts. It really means a lot. I have been avoiding this blog on purpose.

I have been avoiding it because I have been spiraling out of control the last month or so.  I have no idea what I weigh and have no desire to know right now because it will only serve to discourage me, though I can tell by the way my body feels that I have gained weight. I’ve been a little depressed about the whole thing, I feel like a failure in a big way. I’ve not been running significantly in over a month. I get resentful that I have to pack the kiddo up in order to get a run in (not resentful towards my kiddo, but the situation and maybe at people who don’t watch him for me, so that I could run).

The last week has been a little better, I ran last weekend and walked tons. I did the Firm twice this week, but nothing nearly like I’d been doing. I just finished reading intuitve eating hoping something would strike a chord with me in that book and for the most part it did. There are some things that I disagree with, but overall I get the point. Doing it is another matter all together.

We are going to look at a used treadmill today. Hopefully it will be in good condition and we can buy it. If I can get through the boredom that comes with running on those things, then I can start running again in earnest.

I’m still going to calorie count…I just need to learn not to eat “just because”.

I’ll write more later.