Leeda: Running in a Fat Suit

Thanks for the sweet responses to my rant, it really means a lot to me. Yesterday I just layed around like a lump, doing absolutely nothing. I ate whatever too. Oh well, it was just one day.

Today I’m feeling much better. I am quitting soda, and starting coffee. Just one cup a day, first thing in the morning. Coffee, unlike soda, has some health benefits so at least I would be doing my body some good, whereas soda does nothing for it. I used to be a really big coffee drinker until I went on Atkins and totally kicked the habit. Of course, the soda habit happened  shortly after I kicked coffee.

Anyhoo, like I was saying, much better day today. I woke up, ate a bowl of shredded wheat, 1/2 an egg, and a cup of coffee (I had some leftover, it’s from a really fancy coffee shop), and baby and I went off to the track. I ran for 28 minutes (after a 5 minute warm up and stretch)!! I know I could’ve done 30, but I promised myself that I would only check my watch after I got back to the car. Checking the time makes it go so much slower. It was such a nice day too, in the high 50s with a breeze. I finally got to put a jacket on DS…I don’t think he’s ever worn one lol. Oh and I did yoga before I ran.  Will write more later, time to put baby down for nap.

I re-read my last post and realized how ungrateful and petty I sounded. I am very thankful for my family and to have people around me who love me. I do get a little frustrated, but I have a life some people would kill for and it was wrong of me to bitch so much about it.

New plan today: When baby takes a nap, screw the laundry, I’m doing yoga and Y!F !

I wanted to go running this morning. It’s nice and cool outside and I feel like I need to. Unfortunately, baby woke up last night because his diaper leaked, and wouldn’t go back to sleep until around 4 am…so he slept in til almost 8. That’s way too late for me to get started in the morning and make it back in time for DH to take the car and go to work. (We are sharing one car since the truck is broken down) Also even if I didn’t have to have to the car back, the stupid Orkin man is coming at 10. Sometimes, getting the baby together, getting him fed, dressing him, chasing him, brushing his teeth, etc and then feeding and dressing myself, making sure I have snacks for him, water for me, my ipod, and then unloading the stroller…all that just seems to be so overwhelming every now and then. I just wish sometimes I could just run out the door and not have to worry about all that. I know, I know, I do it everyday, I should be used to it (and I am, most days I don’t even think about it) but sometimes it’s just in my head: Is it worth it?

I am so tired at night I can’t even stay up to have fun by myself. When baby is sleeping during the day, I use that time to clean and do things I can’t do when he is awake, like iron.  I nurse him to sleep at night, so I end up laying down with him, always telling myself that I’m going to get up and scrapbook, or play the Sims ( a computer game), but on the rare occasions I do wake up, I end up doing laundry or cleaning the kitchen and by the time that’s done, I always feel like I need to go to bed because I have to be up at 5 or 6am.

But I’m a mom, I knew going into this it wasn’t about me, so I should just suck it up. I do, mostly,but it’s hard not to blow off steam every now and then. I try to tell my best friend stuff like this sometimes, she is single with no kids and I just get comments like “God, I’m glad I’m not married with kids!” How does she think that makes me feel? How about a little effing compassion or just effing listen without the remarks about how she’s happy she can do what she wants. Am I jealous? Yes, I am jealous of her sometimes. Don’t get me wrong, I would never give up my husband and son, but damn it’s very hard sometimes.

Adding to my bummed out mood, AF is here, and brought an extra pound to the scale with her. Sorry if I brought anyone down with all this, just had to get it out.

225/197.2/150

I ran 23 minutes this morning, with a 4 minute warm up. Did my yoga and will lift weights later or try the tai chi again. I haven’t gotten to the library to get that book on the subject, but I will when I can. I guess I need to cook some food for this weekend for baby and myself. I like it get it all out of the way on one day instead of everyday.

The state fair is in town and I so want to go. But I don’t want to eat myself into oblivion, so I’m hesitant. MMM, kettle corn!

No exercise this morning. I did do my yoga stretching and it felt soooo good. I don’t know why I was so stiff this morning.

Today would’ve been a good day for running, but I planned to do something else today (prolly step aerobics and weight lifting). It’s overcast here and there’s a lovely breeze. I took the baby to the park and he had a good time.

Ok, time to move on to serious conversation: Thongs! I bought some a long time ago, back when I was around 160 or so. I think I wore one and decided it was too weird and gave up on it. I dug one out the other day to wear with some form fitting pants (to avoid panty line) and now I love them! Problem is, I look terrible in them. I can’t even pass the mirror in one. My question to myself is: Will I ever feel attractive enough to see myself in a thong and not be grossed out.

I had a pretty good day exercise wise. DH watched the baby and I went running with the dog.  Unfortunately, she decided that she wanted to bark at other dogs the whole time. Very embarrassing and also slowed down my run some. However, I wasn’t expecting the horrible time of 14 minutes for the first mile! That’s worst than with the stroller *sigh* Oh well…I did 1.5 miles, with a .5 mile walk and then went home.

I decided to try this tai chi DVD that I checked out yesterday from the library. It seemed like a good idea lol. The backup people doing the exercises with the instructor were senior citizens. I have no problem with that. What I do have aproblem with is him selecting one of them to be the example and him narrating. Because she didn’t do a lot of what he was narrating lol. Anyway, I liked the stretching exercises, but then he started talking so much, I got bored and turned it off. I think I will check out a book on tai chi tomorrow. I finished up with lifting weights. I felt pretty good after all that.

Baby and I went to a birthday party where  we ate very small amount of cake, a finger sandwhich or two, spinach dip. I didn’t do the punch or ice cream and finished off for dinner with a subway turkey sub. Nice to practice some moderation. (finally)

225/197.6/150

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Today’s weight is 198.2…very small, but definite, trending down. Maybe 197 tomorrow? Who knows! Finally back to losing!