Leeda: Running in a Fat Suit

I went out to visit a friend and do a few other things yesterday. I was in a funk then, as I posted yesterday, and decided to drown my sorrows in a couple of Subway’s chocolate chip cookies. I was almost to the subway when I made myself turn around. I later picked up a box of animal crackers instead and ate that with a bottled water. The next temptation was when I offered to pick my friend up something from Wendy’s on my way to her house. Those fries smelled like heaven. But I didn’t order anything for myself and then ordered a small diet coke. I also didn’t even eat a single fry on the way to her house. Lastly, DH had a really bad day and decided to order pizza. I’d made a dinner of baked pork chops and veggies, and I just ate that…no pizza, no cookies, no fries. I’m very proud of myself. Also a little amazed.

I woke up this morning thinking : Yay, I’ve lost 20 pounds, I’m really doing this. Then I thought about how no one had even noticed that I’ve lost weight and I became completely discouraged. I know I’m doing this mostly for me, to be healthy, but a big part of it is for people to notice that you are slimming down. The compliments, the encouragement, is some of the greatest motivation one can receive. I’m visiting a friend who I haven’t seen in a long time and all I can think is “will she notice?” My own DH hasn’t really noticed and I think that is the biggest bummer of all.

Today’s eats:

B: oatmeal, cinnamon, and splenda

S: watermelon

L: handful of sunflower seeds and a roast beef sandwhich on wheat bread

S: ?

D: ?

Some interesting things I’ve learned from You: On a diet….cinnamon is a natural appetite suppressor. Go cinnamon!

B: oatmeal w/cinnamon and splenda

S: small bowl of raisin brain w/ 2 percent milk

L: baked chicken and veggies

S: grapes

D: ? Maybe low carb chicken quesidillas or chicken salad and a fruit

I have an admission to make: I watch Oprah. I don’t always agree with what she says, and sometimes I just shake my head at her “analysis”, but she has good topics, especially Dr Oz. I love this man, he explains things very well. I’ve been meaning to get his book for awhile and the library finally had it. If I really like it then I will buy it. It seems like I’m always reading some diet book or another. Some of the things that stuck out to me in this particular book is the talk about the waist size needing to be 32″ for a woman. I know that I carry a lot of fat in my abdomen, or my omentum. So I did like they said in the book and measured at my belly button, without sucking in, which I didn’t even really realize I was doing. 46″ I can’t believe it. I was at about 40″ sucking in. It’s just so natural to suck it all in. Now that I think back on it, I’ve always sucked it in during measurements. Getting my waist size down is something I need to work on. I was almost ashamed to post that here, but I have to be honest with myself and with others and this is the start. Lying to myself is what got me into this situation and a size 16 jeans.

I was SO hungry last night, but I stuck to my resolve not to eat after 8. That’s been a bit of a problem for me.  Finished up the day with lots of water…and looks like it paid off!

Today’s weigh in 225/205/160

-20 pounds.

The scale didn’t even tease me with multiple weights either.

I’ve decided to try for the one hundreds by July 4th. That will give me a month to lose 7 pounds. I know I can do it and seeing the one in front of my weight will give me such confidence and make me feel like this isn’t taking forever. I know that slow and steady wins the race, but this would really be a boost to my morale. So, tommorrow, I’m kicking it into high gear. Water is a must, I think it really helps me, and excercise is now everyday, mandatory at least 45 minutes. I dont know how the baby is going to feel about that!

I’ve noticed that TV couples seem to follow a trend. The women are usually trim, attractive, and smart,while the men are a little chubby around the middle, usually bald or balding. When I really thought about it, I think about Wilma and Fred Flintstone (let’s not even mention Betty and Barney) and how a LOT of TV couple are this way. Now, I could take the obvious route and say that it’s ok for men to be overweight, and that women in turn need to be trim and beautiful. I dont know why I’m so disturbed by it, I think I would be less disturbed if both people were trim and attractive…at least advertisers would be evenly setting sometimes impossible goals for both sexes.  Oh well…

Did a 35 minute walk today

B: raisin bran w 2 percent milk,

S: wasa bread (I just found this in the store and looked interesting) topped with a slice of pepper jack cheese and a bowl of grapes

L:baked catfish and veggies

D: baked chicken and veggies

I have this picture on my fridge, so I can be reminded to be mindful of what I eat.

Another pic I have on my fridge is me near my goal weight about 2 years ago. This was when I graduated nursing school. I would love to be this weight again (163) and maybe a little bit more toned.

I went to a consignment store today and looked around for some shoes. I found practically brand new athletic shoes, which I really needed for walking and step aerobics. They were only 10 bucks. I also saw a beautiful skirt that I really wanted, but it was a size 12 and I may have actually fit it, but I thought that I didn’t need one more item of clothing that I couldn’t wear, so I didn’t get it. Right before the consignment store trip, baby and I took about 30 minute walk. I really like walking, the baby stays calm and I get in some thinking time. Tonight I also did 15 minutes of Y!F focusing on core strength (ouch, crunches )

“Do I look fat??”

No, I didn’t say it exactly like that. I said “I’ve lost 18 pounds so far, can you tell?” He was quiet for a long time and then said “Congratulations” After a roundabout conversation, he pretty much admitted that he couldn’t tell. My husband has always been painfully honest sometimes and this is one of those times. I did ask after all. And who am I to be mad at him since I myself said how I looked the same in my progress pictures. I just need someone who will lie to me and make me feel better lol. I wonder if there are people you can hire to do that. Here’s to making people notice my weight loss!