The Garden Path

Day 18 was Kevin’s first day of school. Day 19 was my first day of driving there (with navigator) and days 20 and 21 I drove him by myself. I could have checked in here, and it probably would have helped, but I didn’t.

So here I am, I’m back!

This is a bit dry but here’s my data for the last 2 weeks.
22….23….24….25….26….27….28………………..date

X…..X…..X…..X…..X…..X…..X………………………Outside in the garden?

X…..X…..X…..X…..X…..X…..X……………………..Sugar 200 or less?

.*…..X…..X…..X…..X…..X…..X……………………….No food after 8 PM?

X…..X…..X…..X…..X…..X…..X……………………..Check in with 3FC Blog?

X…..X…..X…..X…..X…..X…..X………………………Check in with Beck forum?

X…..X…..X…..X…..+……–…..–……………………….On  Plan (1800, whole foods)?

29….30….31….01….02….03….04…………………date

X……*…..X…..X……*…..X…..X……………………..Outside in the garden?

X…..X…..X…..X……*…..X…..X……………………..Sugar 200 or less?

X…..X…..X…..X…..X…..X…..?……………………….No food after 8 PM?

X…..X……*……*……*……*…..X…………………….Check in with 3FC Blog?

X…..X……*…..X…..X……*…..X………………………Check in with Beck forum?

–….+……+…..X…..X…..X…..X……………………….On  Plan (1800, whole foods)?

X…..X…..X…..X…..X…..X…..X……………………….Motivate (read cards or book?)

X…..X…..X…..X…..X…..X…..X………………………..Eat while seated, pay attention?

My weight, by the way, has been 160, 160, 160, 160, 160, 160, …161, 160, 160 etc etc.  This is discouraging because I am frequently hungry — and some of these lifestyle changes seem so extreme. For example, yesterday Greg brought home some broiled chicken from a local Pollo Fuego. I measured mine out, making sure to leave enough calories over to have a nice interesting salad (I hate plain romaine w/vinegar).The amount of chicken I was able to have was about HALF what I usually eat. Then, to add insult to injury when I was cleaning up, there were all the nice crispy bones with the cilantro topping on them. Normally I would have eaten those too! It just felt so…bizarre. Then I thought, “You know, this must be the way slim people eat!” So, of course it feels weird. I have never been a slim person — my eating has been out of control since I was 16 years old.

It’s funny that the weight is 160, 160, 160 etc. Normally there’s a lot more oscillation than that. It does make me think something’s up.

Filed under: Uncategorized on September 4th, 2010 | No Comments »

I just read this today, over at Huff Po –

We’ve already seen that sleep loss causes brain loss. And when you look at the risk factors for dementia–eating a healthy diet, engaging in regular exercise–both of which have been shown to reduce the risk of developing dementia by up to 60 percent, is there any surprise that getting a good night’s sleep is just as important?  <snip>
* One in three people over 65 will die with dementia.
* Twenty percent of us don’t get enough sleep–banking less than six hours of sleep on average.
* Heart disease, diabetes, and obesity have all been linked with chronic sleep loss.
Sleep matters. Today. Tomorrow. And long into our futures.
The single most important thing you can do today to safeguard your health tomorrow might not be just what you eat and how you move. It must also include how well you sleep.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-michael-j-breus/sleep-disorder-disorder-l_b_691077.html

I’m still on a schedule of going to bed at 1 or 2 even when I get up at 7. I get progressively tireder over several days and then finally collapse and have a several-hour nap. I don’t feel good a lot of the time.

I guess, working on my sleep needs to be part of my diet — setting myself up for success — similar to making a food plan, or having chopped up veggies ready in the fridge.

The BDFL Questions

1. Motivate — yes — read Bricklin’s book in the morning

2. Weigh — Still 160.

3. Eat slowly, sitting down — yup.

4. Give self credit — I did, at the Beck forum, and here.

Note, today Kevin told me about something he learned about in his Instructor Training class. It’s called “PCP” — it stands for “Praise, Critique, Praise”  Could I practice PCP in my own self-talk?

5. Get moving — No, no gardening. I forgot to get outside, and when I had time to, I was exhausted.

6. Was it hunger, desire or a craving?…Greg made lasagna this evening, but it wasn’t ready til after 8 pm. So it wasn’t on my plan. I was a little peeved (it smelled wonderful) …but then Kevin said, “Don’t worry, you can have it tomorrow“. That’s a quote from the Beck book, and he cracked me up! “Fight a craving with humor”, that’s a new one!

7. Write food down — yup

8. Follow plan — Yesterday 1800, no food after 8, no more than 200 cal sugar.

9. Get back on track right away. Minor mood / motivation swings today. Each time, I read a bit from one of my books or visited 3FC.

Filed under: Uncategorized on August 30th, 2010 | No Comments »

…this was the thought going through my head when I woke up this morning. Like “Leave me alone, I don’t want to do the measuring, writing, motivating, reading the 3FC posts, etc etc etc”. “Uh oh” another part of me said, “Task one. Motivation.” As I had my morning coffee I read a chapter in an old favorite, Lose Weight Naturally. The author, Mark Bricklin, seems like such a pleasant person to spend time with. After reading a bit, I got my enthusiasm back.

Today I was in a big hurry to get the livingroom dressers painted before Greg and Kevin came back home from their trip. I got so into it, I forgot to eat, and then I felt pressed for time. There was fruit salad and plain yogurt handy. I remember reading in the Beck book that, experiments show, you feel full longer if you add whey protein powder to the yogurt. I added 2 T. whey powder to 1 c yogurt and 1 c fruit salad. Uh, it was OK  :P   Probably would have tasted much better as a smoothie.  But I did indeed feel full for a very long time.

The BDFL Questions

1. Motivate — yes — read Bricklin’s book in the morning and a health related article in Huffington Post in the afternoon.

2. Weigh — yup. Still 160.

3. Eat slowly, sitting down — yup. I do tend to bounce up from my seat while still chewing something!

4. Give self credit — I did, at the Beck forum, and here. <credit> for that.  (hee hee)

5. Get moving — No gardening, but I have been painting all day. Lots of bending and reaching.

6. Was it hunger, desire or a craving? … When Greg and Kevin came back from their trip, right away I wanted to eat something, even though I wasn’t hungry. I recognized that it was a desire for food due to anxiety. But, it was very close to dinnertime, so I took a break to eat.

7. Write food down — yup

8. Follow plan — Yesterday 1650, no food after 8, no more than 200 cal sugar. I was up til 2 AM painting, so I had lots of that little voice saying “Please? You’re staying up late, and working so hard. Don’t you deserve a meal?”  I replied, …”I want to see if I can stick to this plan. I want to act differently than usual. I’m tired of things being the same old way. ”

9. Get back on track right away. I responded to my morning mood-swing by reading something inspiring.

Filed under: Uncategorized on August 29th, 2010 | No Comments »

Today my husband and son are out of town, and I had the whole afternoon to work on diet and health related things. I read and took notes in the book The Complete Beck Diet for Life, and wrote some journal responses. I created a beautiful little notebook to record my food, exercise, and weight loss in. I spent a long time reading entries over at 3FatChicks, and wrote a detailed post in the Beck Forum. It was like a seminar day! Now I’m feeling very motivated, and confident that this is indeed a good program for me at this stage of my life.

After reading BDFL chapter 4 (”Success Skills”), I’m inspired to give myself a new set of Questions to answer every day!

1. Motivate yourself daily

2. Weigh yourself daily

3. Eat slowly, sitting down, enjoying every bite

4. Give yourself credit. (For me that means checking in here, and at the Beck Forum.)

5. Get moving. (For me that means, commitment 1 is to get out in the garden.)

6. Was it hunger, desire or a craving?

7. Plan and monitor your eating. (….Yes I’ll write my food down, and decide on a meal before I eat it, but I’m not ready to plan for the week yet.)

8. Follow your plan no matter what.

9. Get back on track right away.

————————————————–

OK, here we go!

1. Motivate — yup. My new notebook will be a huge help.

2. Weigh — yup. Still 160 even after a week of staying on plan. But my shorts are looser.

3. Eat slowly, sitting down — yup. For me it means enjoying the meal with a book, or reading a blog.

4. Give self credit — I did, at the Beck forum, and here.

5. Get moving — Yes, I gardened a while. Watered some stuff, and worked with my new (second!) BioPod. BioPod 2 is down at the end of the yard with the big compost heap. It already has eggs deposited under the lid! I’m thinking of keeping both BioPods up next to the house by night (to protect them from skunks etc) and down at the end of the yard by day (to get more eggs)– transporting them in the wheelbarrow. More exercise!

6. Was it hunger, desire or a craving? … I had some serious hunger today, and got light headed.  Took a while to stabilize. Later I had a craving for a dessert, and thought, I have some free calories, can I be creative? I had fruit salad and almonds over Neufchatel cheese. It was fantastic. I think hunger actually makes the food taste better?

7. Write food down — yup

8. Follow plan — Yesterday 1650, no food after 8, no more than 200 cal sugar.

9. Get back on track right away. …Well, so far so good — the worst was a feeling of depression and sadness this morning partly relating to an argument yesterday. Then I thought “What’s the point, what difference does it make if I lose weight, I’m going to quit anyway, I always fade out after starting with a big bang.” I got back on track by doing a lot of reading at 3FC. Folks there help me to believe that it is possible and it is worth it.

Filed under: Uncategorized on August 28th, 2010 | No Comments »

I’m still confused about how much food I can eat when. I want to keep my calories to 1800. How big should breakfast be? Lunch? Dinner, snacks? I want to stay within 1800 with the least amount of discomfort. I’ve certainly had times in the past where I was allotted X number of calories, and ate 80% of them before noon. A recipe for failure!

Today I had 600 around breakfast and 600 around lunch. Then I realized it was noon and I only had 600 left!! I kept getting persistent “messages” from 2 PM on. “It’s time to eat something.” “No, you’re OK, “Hunger’s not an emergency”" …”Really, it’s time to eat something.” “You’re fine. This is how thin people behave. They endure some hunger between meals. ” “HEY, I SAID IT’S TIME TO EAT!!!”

At that point I was weakening, and went off to read some posts over at 3FC. I stumbled on the Maintainers forum and was deeply moved by what some folks had written. Special thanks to Meg who wrote a wonderful post about when people call us obsessed.

OK, now let’s say that someone comes along and looks at the choices that you know you must make to maintain your weight loss and calls you ‘obsessed’. Someone looks at your exercise plan and your food choices, rolls their eyes and shakes their head disapprovingly. Has it happened to you? How does that make you feel?

Sometimes it’s a family member trying to push food on you. Sometimes it’s a colleague mocking your hours at the gym. Sometimes it’s friends saying ‘you’re no fun any more’. But always – ALWAYS – it’s someone revealing their own issues. Because the heart of the matter is that OUR choices make them feel uncomfortable about THEIR choices. Look at the person who’s calling you obsessed and try to figure out why you’re so threatening to them. Remember – if someone calls you obsessed, it says lots more about them than it does about you.

Words are powerful tools (and weapons). The word ‘obsessed’ is negative, derogatory, and implies something dysfunctional: having or showing excessive or compulsive concern with something. Going back to the quote at the beginning of my post, I far prefer the word ‘dedicated’: wholly committed to a particular course of thought or action; devoted. Because isn’t that really all that we’re doing though our everyday diet and exercise choices? Being committed and devoted to keeping the weight of for life? We’re dedicated to weight loss success!!

Anyone who calls one of us ‘obsessed’ truly doesn’t understand the price tag that’s attached to maintenance. They’re clueless about the realities of weight loss. So the next time someone zings you or me by calling us obsessed, let’s correct them and tell them that we’re dedicated to making the choices necessary to maintain our weight losses. It’s simply the price we happily and willingly pay to maintain a normal weight.

No, I don’t think we’re obsessed. Every one of us here is simply dedicated – committed – devoted – to keeping the weight off for life. It’s our choice and we embrace it.

The Questions

1. Garden time –  yes — setting up new BioPod

2. Calories that were mostly sugar –  200

3. Food after 8 pm yesterday — No

4. check in with blog — yes

5. “Becking”?  Yes, posted to Forum, and read some of the pink workbook. I’ve decided to skip around in the workbook. Some of the challenges are things I’m doing already; some of them are so hard that I’m not ready to do them yet. So I want to concentrate on the behaviors that are “pushing the envelope”, but not too much.

6. On plan? yes! In fact, I delayed too long, and couldn’t eat all 600 cal for dinner. And then, I have to stop eating at 8. So there it is

Filed under: Uncategorized on August 27th, 2010 | No Comments »

Today I learned to drive somewhere new. It was really stressful…and as soon as I got home and stepped in the door I wanted to just let loose and eat until I calmed down. I thought of the people over on the Beck forum and cheered up at the thought of them understanding what it was like.

The Questions

1. Gardening — Sort of…Got outside in the beautiful weather. We went for a walk on a cross-country trail for about 20 minutes…heard nuthatches and downy woodpeckers…saw some interesting plants.

2. Calories that were mostly sugar –  200

3. Food after 8 pm yesterday — No.

4. Check in with blog — yes

5. “Becking”?  Yes — posted to the Beck forum, and wrote a few paragraphs.

6. On plan? …Went over by 200 cal. We went out for lunch and it was hard to plan / organize. I’m mad at myself for ruining my perfect record…but that’s exactly the sort of perfectionism that trips me up. Good for me for recognizing it

Filed under: Uncategorized on August 26th, 2010 | No Comments »

I did well today!

The Questions

1. Garden time –  30 min

2. Calories that were mostly sugar –  200

3. Food after 8 pm yesterday — No!

I spent quite a while writing late yesterday and that seemed to help.

4. check in with blog — yes

5. “Becking”?  Yes — posted to the Beck forum, and wrote a few paragraphs.

6. On plan? Yes, 1800, third day in a row!…Tonight was burrito night at Qdoba’s. I carefully cut the burrito in half and wrapped the rest. I’ve never done that before.

I caught myself eating / walking a few times. Oops! It’s easy to stop paying attention to what I’m doing.

Filed under: Uncategorized on August 25th, 2010 | No Comments »

…but here  I am!

The Questions

1. Garden time –  yes, more weeding circle garden. Actually at this point it’s more of an oval.

2. Calories that were mostly sugar –  200

3. Food after 8 pm yesterday — No. Wow was that hard! I stayed up to my “regular time”, 1 AM or later. That means it’s 5 hrs + since I’d eaten. Actually had some mild queasiness. Also felt very impatient. “You need to put the birds to bed, change their cage papers” “Do I have to??? I’m hungry” It’s a very weird sensation. I didn’t practice being hungry when I was working with Nancy, and I don’t think I’ve tried this kind of regimen for years. As a result, that feeling of tension and queasiness brings up bad memories. It has an overtone of “impending doom”, as in, “I’ve never been able to do this. I’ll last 3 days max then crash and burn. My binges always undo whatever I accomplished with hunger. Remember the “Turtle Chart” Remember in the dorms?”

I guess those are what the Beck People would refer to as Sabotaging Thoughts.

Hunger brings anxiety about what will happen (”it’s just a matter of time til I break”) + shame about how I did fail in the past + flash backs to body shame I had back then. Now that I think of it — I even had a dream about guy X I was in love with during freshman year of college — someone I haven’t thought about for a long time. That was a period of my life when I was constantly, deeply ashamed of my body, and the cycle of dieting, giving up, feeling ashamed, trying to spur myself on to better efforts…..because if I didn’t, X would never love me….was the main focus of my life. It was more important than my friends, and waaaay more important than my course work.

Wow! Interesting.

Now I have several good things going for me, advantages I didn’t have all those years ago. I’m not doing this on my own. I can ask the group for help. Kevin is supportive in a curious, scientific sort of way (he’d be tickled to hear my results, won’t judge me if I make mistakes, instead will give me lots of helpful advice). Sharon is for me no matter what size I am and will be excited for me no matter what kind of program I’m on.

4. check in with blog — yes

5. “Becking”?  Yes — posted to the Beck forum, just a “hello” at the end of the day. Spent about an hour reading ahead in the pink book.

6. On plan? Yes, 1800, second day in a row!…I’m having trouble deciding how many cal. to eat when. I want to avoid eating all 3 meals before noon and then being ravenous the rest of the day — or drifting in that direction. I noticed that I ate huge meals at breakfast and dinner because I was afraid of the hunger/anxiety I’d experienced last night. Then after those huge meals I felt sleepy, and in fact dozed off for an hour after dinner.

Filed under: Uncategorized on August 24th, 2010 | No Comments »

Not painful, not terribly frustrating yet, just…strange. I went to bed with an empty stomach (instead of with my usual pre-bedtime snack), had an on-plan breakfast, and headed out to my volunteer job. Apparently it took a while for the calories to kick in, because I was really wired. Not quite lightheaded, but a little out of control. I talked too much We had lunch break at noon, and half an hour after that I was calm and focused.

Another weird moment was right before my scheduled phonecall with Patricia. I went to get a snack, remembered “Wait, that’s not on plan” and then realized “Hey, I’m not actually hungry”. I wasn’t anxious or angry either. Just a really strong desire to eat. Because it was a transition between activities? Weird to think that I’ve “trained” myself to eat in situations like that. “OK, on to the next task…but first…a snack!”

The Questions

1. Garden time –  yes, weeding circle garden, wandering around the yard

2. Calories that were mostly sugar –  200

3. Food after 8 pm yesterday — No

4. check in with blog — yes

5. “Becking”?  Yes — posted to the Beck forum. Haven’t done any reading today, but I might later tonight.

Filed under: Uncategorized on August 23rd, 2010 | No Comments »

I’ve spent the last several days reading 2 of the books by Judith Beck. She’s the daughter of Aaron Beck, who invented cognitive therapy; she has a very pragmatic cognitive/behavioral approach to diet and fitness. Kinda the opposite of Janine

I’m on Day 3 of the workbook, but trying out several of the ideas from further on in the books.

Parts of it seem scary-rigid. “Don’t ever go off plan!” “No choice!”

But on the other hand…my previous successful weight loss experience was very flexible — maybe too flexible. I met with a nutritionist every few weeks (who was my coach, teacher and cheering section — thank you Nancy!)  I limited my sugar, and tried to increase my fruits / vegs, but I didn’t have a specific food plan. If I was hungry, or if I wanted to cheer myself up, I ate more. I was very disciplined about writing down and measuring everything I ate, mostly because I knew I had to send my report to Nancy. After about 2 weeks of reducing my calories I drifted back into a calorie level more typical for me, and I was convinced that I wouldn’t lose weight . “But” I thought “At least Nancy is helping me to develop healthier habits”. It wasn’t until a couple months into the program that I realized I was losing 1/2 pound a week very steadily. At the end of our time together, I had lost 10 lbs.  After I stopped working with Nancy I let myself get too distracted to make healthy eating a priority. But….the 10 lbs stayed off!!! After having weighed 170 for 8 years no matter what I did, I had finally broken through that barrier.

OK, that was great, but…what if I had been less flexible? What if I had stuck with some kind of plan? It might have been possible to lose a pound a week; it might have been possible to have more of a feeling of control over my own choices.

So I can see where the Beck program’s “rigidity” might be the backbone I need.

I took a deep breath and posted to the forum of the Beck People tonight.

The Questions

1. Garden time — Yes, about 30 min. As a result I had tomatoes, red pepper and Asian pears with dinner

2. Calories that were mostly sugar — pretty close to 200. I had a slice of birthday cake, about 1/2 the size I would consider normal.

3. Food after 8 pm yesterday — Yes. Birthday festivities. At some point I’ll plan ahead to eat “in control” even for parties and holidays, but I’m not ready to make that commitment yet.

4. check in with blog — yes

5. “Becking”? Yes–  read more chapters in the Green Book. Started a stack of index cards, with my reasons for wanting to lose weight, and helpful quotes from the book. I posted to the Beck forum.

6. “On plan”? Yes — I designed a plan based on the work I did with Nancy, but this time with calorie limits. It’s 600 / 600 / 600, where the 600’s could be broken into a meal and a snack, a snack and a meal, two snacks, etc. I have to decide ahead of time what the cut off times are — in other words — I can’t nibble all day long, and I can’t eat breakfast, lunch and dinner before 12 noon!

7. Eat sitting down? Yes — though almost got whiplash when I caught myself about to lick a serving spoon while standing up

Filed under: Uncategorized on August 22nd, 2010 | No Comments »