I had lost almost 12 lbs….slowly, but surely…and that was quite an accomplishment for myself as I have a really hard time staying motivated and staying on the diet and with the exercise. It makes me feel like I’m such a slacker. It doesn’t help any that my husband sees me eating something that I really should not eat, and just says he doesn’t care what I eat, he just wants me to be happy….. Well that brings me to something else…I just want to be happy, in that aspect of my life as well and it seems like well obviously eating makes me happy….but at the same time, makes me completely miserable.
Now, I have gained the 12 lbs that I had lost…..and I blame this 95% on myself, and the other due to the fact that I was on steroids for a few days for a lung infection. So now I am back up to my highest weight of 238. COMPLETELY MISERABLE. I have to do something. There has to be something to keep me motivated and I am going to say it’s going to be my stepkids. I have three stepkids who live with us and I’m really the best mother figure they have as their real mother doesn’t have much to do with them. I don’t want them picking up bad eating habits (which they already have)……I don’t want to be the “fat mom” and I don’t want my husband to have a fat wife!
SO….I vow this 1st day of June 2009…….to not get back on the track I have been on before. That track did not work, does not work! I keep falling off of that track and I need a new one. I’m not going to committ to ww or any certain diet…..I’m just going to eat healthy. I’m going to exercise. I’m going to cut out the junk. I’m going to drink the water and not look at it. Most importantly, I am going to do all of these things and if I don’t……I am going to die.
I’m going to start tomorrow morning. When the hub goes off to work, I am not going to go back to bed and sleep for an hour….I am going to exercise. Then breakfast will be something healthy for me and the kids….and NOT fast food, junky cereal, or poptarts, or pancakes with chocolate chips! Lunch will be packed and healthy….not fast food. Instead of sitting at my desk all day…..I will get outside and walk for the hour lunch break that I NEVER take. In the evenings my time is so limited that exercising may not be an option so supper will of course just be something healthy and if we can make it for walking or tennis etc…then great!
If I could just make these simple changes this would make a world of difference for me. If I don’t, I’ll either die…..or just become EVEN FATTER….and will never get hired for the job I am going to school for because who would want to hire someone so fat and at health risks!