Losing to LIVE…

So I did it!!! I got myself back on track and it couldn’t have come at a better time. I did really well this week I stayed OP and I did as much exercise as my hip would allow. I also turned down some BIG temptations, cake and peanut M&M’s. I REALLY wanted them to but as soon as I looked at the nutritional information I knew that it wasn’t worth it. This is a good time because I am going on vacation next week. I don’t know how easy it is going to be for me to stay OP, I don’t want the friend I am visiting to have to buy anything special for me. This week is going to be hard but I just lost 3.5lbs!!!! and have reached my 40lbs mark!!!! To say that it has been hard for me would be an understatement but for some reason right now I feel VERY motivated to stay on track and continue in my success. So I can’t let a week of vacation be my downfall. I am going to do the best I can and see what happens and I am ready to come back and work really hard to keep losing the weight. I am so close to being under 200lbs that I can taste it and that is something I wasn’t sure was going to happen. So my thanks really have to go out to my sister Hilary who won’t let me quit. She will let me have my bad days but she always picks me up and helps me get back on track.

Ok, so a lady at work brought in cake with chocolate frosting today and I have been drooling!!! I want a piece SO bad and I was going to have a tiny slice even though I knew that it might be bad for me. Now I know that you have to let yourself have a little bit of something every now and then or you might go crazy (or maybe that’s just me) but I have been doing very well this week and I don’t want that to be my down fall. So my Mom and I were going to share a tiny piece but then we got busy with customers and never got around to it. Now its to late because I am leaving in 10 min and headed to the gym. Now I can have a good work out and feel good about it instead of feeling guilty because I am just working off my cake. So I have to say thank you to the customers for helping when my willpower was about to fail, and i am going to thank the guys in our repair dept. because they are going to take care of those last couple of pieces so I wont have to be tempted tomorrow. This might seem like a small victory but for me its a big one so that makes me happy.

So Hilary and I have been trying new recipes just about every week and last night was Taco Burgers. They were so good. We have been sick of eating chicken everyday so trying new things has been fun. We have found a couple of things that we really like as well as somethings that we won’t try again. New can be scary so when you find a variation on two things you love, Tacos and Burgers, it gives you a new found hope.

I have been doing really well this week. I have been planning my days with a couple of points in limbo to use where I need them and that really seams to work for me.

So I get on the scale this morning, in my heart wanting a HUGE number, and I lost…wait for it….half a pound. Ok, so this in NOT the number I wanted, but its probably the number I deserve. I did ok last week, b ut not the best. I know that I can do better. I am really going to kick it into gear this week, drink my water, stay OP and go to the gym. Now I have to take it easy on my workouts right now because of my hip, but I did 9 miles on the bike yesterday so I know that I can at least do that. I am also going to try to blog more. The more I write the more accountable I have to be so we will see how that goes. I am not really disapointed at the half pound. At this point any number in the right direction is worth it. So here is to a new week.

So another week has passed and fortunately for me this one was a little easier. I have been tempted and my willpower has been tested but I didn’t stray nearly as far as I could have. I am hoping for a good number on the scale tomorrow. That number could be just about anything as long as it is a little lower then last week. I think that this week will be better I am really committed to stay OP and work out as much as I can. I am going on vacation Feb 3-8 and I am not sure how easy it is going to be to really stay OP that week so I have to make sure that I don’t stray before and that I come back strong. Also the week I come back I have an appt with an orthopedic surgeon to talk about my hip. It has been bothering me really bad lately and my rheumatologist thinks its time to talk about replacement. That both scares me to death and makes me so happy I could cry. I cant even imagine my life after, I will be a totally different person physically at least. I will keep you posted on what happens.

So I have been feeling a little blue lately. I don’t feel like doing anything. My hip has been killing me and that makes me limp so now my knee hurts. Its a continuing downward spiral. I don’t want to work out because I don’t really know if it is going to help or hurt the situation. If it helps then that would be great, but I don’t know if I can stand it if it gets any worse. I just talked to the nurse at my DR office and she is going to talk to my DR, but she thinks that she is going to want me to go back on prednisone and that makes me want to cry. I just lost 35lbs and if I have to be on prednisone for any length of time I am afraid that I am going to gain that back. I have an appointment to see her is a couple of weeks and I think that I am going to ask her about hip replacement. That scares me a lot too. Well tomorrow is weigh in and I am not excited about it in the least, I haven’t been horrible, but I haven’t been really diligent this week. I also have not worked out in a few or 5 days. Maybe next week I will have more energy and will power. I do not want to quit and I am not going to, but some weeks are just hard. Ok thanks for listening to my pity party I hope that you all had a great week.

So Hilary and I weigh in every Friday but I usually weigh myself a couple times a week, just to check. I have been doing really well this week. Really watching what I eat not cheating at all, and I have to admit that I have cheated in the past. So the last couple of time I weighed myself I was down about a pound and I was happy with that. This morning I got on the scale and I was up 1.5 pounds! What the HELL!!! I just don’t get it. I am going to the gym later and I am going to get in a good workout. My only problem is that my back has been bothering me so I am not sure how much I am going to be able to do. Well I can only do what I can do and the rest is out of my hands. So I am just going to eat right and continue my workouts and let the pounds fall where they may.

This morning I woke up and came out into the living room to feed my fish just like I do every morning. I also look for my frog, La Grenouille, to see where he might be hiding its different everyday and I love searching for him. It’s like playing where’s waldo. Well today it didn’t take me long at all to find him. He had one leg stuck in the filter and he was hanging from it. I thought he was dead but then I saw him trying to get out. I turned off the filter and pulled it out of the water but his leg was really caught in there. I had no idea how to get his leg out so I got a Q-tip and gently tried to move his leg sideways so it could just slip out. After about 10 min I was able to get it out and he is now swimming in my tank. I am not sure if he is going to make it, his leg is messed up a bit but he is swimming so that is a good sign.

This got me thinking about life and how sometimes you get stuck and you need someone to help you get out. I think that is what I have been doing lately. My sister is really good about helping me get out but at some point I have to start swimming on my own. I can’t expect her to be my will power and make decisions for me about my life. I don’t know why it has been so hard for me but I am hoping that I can change my habits in this new year and not have to rely on other people as much. I want to lose weight and I think that sometimes when it doesn’t come off like I think it will or should I feel like sabotaging myself because at least there is a reason for it then. I know that I can change my life even if it is just a little at a time.

Update: Unfortunately La Grenouille died later in the day, but not before helping me with my little insight and for that I am greatfull.