hope

I’m banishing numbers from my life.  I can’t let calories, weight or inches dictate my moods.  I am diving in headfirst and trusting myself.  If millions of French women can be healthy and slim while eating croissants and duck confit, so can I.  Yesterday was my first day of no-numbers, and it was a lovely day.  Not coincidentally, I didn’t binge or want to binge!

I woke up this morning feeling like a million bucks.  I was a little hungry so I had a piece of bread with some jam and some coffee with milk.  Damn near skipped to work I was in such good spirits.  I spent the morning catching up on interests forums online and cleaning my workspace in prep for desk moving day tomorrow.  I wore an outfit I like and put on some eyeshadow.  I caught a glimpse of my reflection in a mirror, and I felt pretty.  I ate half my lunch (yogurt, lean chicken with broccoli, yellow bell pepper and cherry tomatoes, an apple), decided I’d wait a while before finishing it because I wasn’t hungry anymore, and finished the rest later in the afternoon once I was hungry again. 

I have a feeling I am going to wind up eating a lot less simply because I have sacked the rules.  Let’s see how well I handle this newfound freedom. 

3 Responses to “hope”

  1. Well I wish you the best of luck in doing it this way.

  2. I’ve been lurking on your blog for a while but never posted. Your blog makes me very uncomfortable because it’s like reading my diary from 10 years ago. I feel like this blog has invaded my privacy because these words seem like mine, but from the past. I feel like I wrote this blog a long time ago and like this comment/reply is directed toward myself in a previous life as much as it is to you. What I want to go back and say to myself 10 years ago (and to you today) is that yes, your attitude towards food is not healthy or “normal”. You have a problem, but food is only a side-effect - and focusing so much on this symptom is keeping you from addressing the real underlying issue. I sort of want to shake you and also hug you. I also want to tell you that today I don’t think like you do anymore about food. For me, these issues went away and today’s me does not relate to your blog (but the me of 10 years ago sure does). It can get better. I wish I could tell you why things changed, but I’m not sure. It was a gradual change that started when I stopped obsessing about food, the scale, calories, what I could eat the next day, where I could find food, what food might be served at a party, how much I ate last night, etc. I think your intuitive eating plan is a good step in the right direction. As strange as it is to hear, I think you need to stop thinking about this issue so much and put some distance between you and your food choices. It seems obvious to me that your issue is not a love of food. You don’t love the sensuality or taste of what you’re eating. You don’t seem to be a gourmand in search of flavors and mouth-feel. You’re eating for reasons unrelated to food and until you stop focusing on the food, you’ll never resolve this underlying issue. I don’t know how well the me of 10 years ago would have taken this anonymous reply, but I hope you can understand it and that you get better…because it can get better than this. Yes, I got chubby in my mid-life, but it’s not the same as it was 10 years ago. I got chubby for different reasons - and these reasons are far less complicated and easier to solve than they were 10 years ago. I really really wish you the best and I’m sorry I don’t have better advice.

  3. To the above commenter…oh Lord, just shut up. You’re doing great and I’m so happy that you feel good. You just posted that you ate too much during the enkai. It’s okay, this is good. You now realize that you have to be extra mindful when in this kind of setting. Just eat clean and healthy tomorrow. Trust your body, don’t stress, remember to pause and ask yourself if you’re hungry and not bored or emotional. ((Hugs))

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