Been away for a little over a week since my mom is here. It’s been rather stressful taking her around and living for two since she is 99% helpless in a Japanese-speaking world, and I have not really been kind to my body. Still feeling depressed over my injuries (or rather, blaming them for being depressed in general?) and stuffing it down with sugar. I weighed this morning after being sure I had gained all the way up to 62+ kg and saw 60.5 kg. Got to work and opened a care package and scarfed down over 1000 calories worth of junk food.
I sound like a broken record, but I want “off” the dieting mindset but I can’t trust myself enough to eat intuitively. My intuition is broken. I read blogs all day today about beautiful women who have beaten disordered eating and compulsive overeating and diet obsession, replacing constant worries about food with enjoyment of life. I see-saw daily about whether it is better to be thin or healthy. Thin always wins, but thin is an unhealthy mindset. “Fat” and “thin” shouldn’t even be part of the equation. I am “sick” now and I want to get “well.” That should be the new goal.
Pretty sure these canker sores are from sugar. I’d like to break that addiction, too.
Filed under: Uncategorized on March 27th, 2011