losing it

just another 3fc blog

motivation August 14, 2013

Filed under: Uncategorized — kisskiss @ 8:03 am

weight: 151.2

ughhhhhhhhh. where’s my motivation? It’s seems to be dwindling. I really want to lose more weight, and at this point I’m really unsure what I want my goal to be. Sometimes 128 looks good, sometimes 140. 135. 145. I don’t know how to choose!!! It doesn’t help that most people I know are shocked when I say I still want to lose weight. They ask me “from where are you going to lose the weight, you’re thin”. So may be that number (which is really BMI based) shouldn’t be how I base my goal. But then how? The 160s and 150s were soooo hard. I just want to see a damn 4 as the middle number. Something to get me re-motivated.

also, why can’t I comment on anyone’s page!!! It’s so frustrating. There are all these blogs I read, and I make posts, only to have an error message saying posting is temporarily disabled. this has been going on for months!!!

okay. I need to get motivated. Must get motivated. It doesn’t help that I started work and there are all these snacks here. I actually just finished like 4 tea cookies and 4 mini hersheys (probably about 400 calories). I skipped breakfast too, I just didn’t have time. Well, I guess that those damn cookies are my breakfast :( argh.

 

summer is over August 8, 2013

Filed under: Uncategorized — kisskiss @ 8:58 am

weight: 151.2

I am almost at goal. 149.5 would put me at a normal BMI. It’s so close. I never thought that I would get to this point. When I first started losing weight, I never thought I could go from 299 pounds to under 200. As I started to lose weight, getting to onderland seemed more and more possible. Then, when I got there, I thought “okay, I can get to 175, and then I’m done”. And I got there. These last 25 were especially hard. I felt like I’ve had to work out harder, be greater. But, I’ve done it.

Even though I told people that I was going to do this (lose weight, and lose big), deep down inside, a part of me didn’t think I could do it. When I started, I couldn’t honestly say I was going to lose 150 pounds. That number was daunting. Terrifying. Unrealistic. I basically have lost half of me. I’ve lost a person.

When is it time to call goal? 90 percent of the people I talk to tell me I should stop losing weight. They say I look great and I should be proud of my accomplishments. But, I’m not sure. I AM proud. But, I’m not sure if this is the weight my body should be at. I really want to invest in getting a body fat measurement done. I just don’t know whether or not this is my goal, if this is my happy weight. BMI-wise, I can be as low as 119. Is my body made for that? Or is it made for 130? 140? 150? I guess time will tell. But, I am happy.

This summer has been awesome. I had about 8 weeks off of work, and I spent it hiking trails, running, being active. I dated ALL summer. Got experience, went out and had a good time. I have a boyfriend, and I’m very happy with him. But, I’d be happy without him too. I’m happy with me.  I put myself out there. I never thought I would be this person. And I love myself more than I ever have before.

Summer is over for me, but my life is just beginning. Hokey, but true :D

here are some recent pics of me. Before: 299 lbs size 20/22. after: 152 size 6/8

before pic

 

bathing suit June 28, 2013

Filed under: Uncategorized — kisskiss @ 10:24 pm

weight: 159.2

I am going to a lake on Sunday and I will wear a bathing suit. Me! I haven’t worn a bathing suit in forever. I would wear long shots and a t-shirt whenever I went to a pool, and that’s if I dared to go into the water because I was embarrassed. I’m still not 100% happy with my body. I will never be abel to wear a bikini comfortably (too many tummy stretchmarks). Hell, I’m not too happy showing my arms. But, whatever, right? I want to go in the lake and feel pretty and have fun. So this is the bathing suit I bought at JCP. Size 6! (lol it’s a bit tight, but they didn’t have a size 8). I also bought some size 8 skirt to pair with it, but that’s because I’m self conscious about my legs. may be next year I can get rid of the skirt.

Please excuse my crazy tan lines. Hopefully this summer of shorts will even me out :D

 

backslid for a week June 2, 2013

Filed under: Uncategorized — kisskiss @ 3:18 pm

weight: 165.2 (which I’m thankful for)

I just finished throwing out two bags of big family size ruffles, nacho cheese, half a cake platter of cheesecake, regular soda and a bunch of other junk. I also got back from my neighborhood market stocked with fresh foods, and have my weekly food planner filled out. Somehow, I just really did not give a f#c* this week. On Monday, we had a bbq (which made me feel like an adult. it’s my first as hostess). and we had leftover food all week (chips, cheesecake). Yesterday, i ate pizza and hot wings. I didn’t necessarily over-over eat. But, i went over my calories, and I am up about 1-2 lbs. I also have not exercised since Monday, although that was because my back really, really hurt. But, I’m re-starting that tomorow, too.I looked at the fridge, and I just threw it all out, Yeah, I’m wasting food, but oh well. I can’t let myself go back. I refuse. It was only one week, and not as bad as it could’ve been. In fact, I’m sure some people would laugh at me and say that my eating habits this week weren’t terrible. But if I want to get to 140, then I can’t continue weeks like this. Here’s to a new week.

 

then and now May 18, 2013

Filed under: Uncategorized — kisskiss @ 1:44 pm

weight 166.5

My mom asked me how much I weighed, and I was proud to tell her I was 166. She’s been telling me recently that I look great, but that may be it’s time for me to call it goal. May be it’s a latina culture thing? I have hips and thighs, but my upper half is fairly thin. body wise, I look pretty good. (even if I am still overweight). anyway, it made me think of something that I wanted to tell her, but I knew it would hurt her feelings.

when I was in about 8th grade, my mom took us to the doctor for our regular checkups. I remember weighing in at a whopping 168 pounds (I was about 5′3). My mom kept repeating “are you sure that’s right? She can’t be that big”. I know she didn’t mean to be cruel. She herself was obese at about 230 and 5′2, and she feared I would get that way (which I did). But, I remember feeling so hurt and so ugly. The next day she put me on a diet that lasted about two weeks and in which I dropped 10 lbs (it was a tooooo low calorie unhealthy diet).

I now weigh the same as I did back then (although I’m about 2 inches taller). What’s the difference? Do I look different than I did back then? Is it because I’ve been so overweight/obese for the last 10 years that no one can see a thinner me?

in other news, I went hiking today. Have been going every weekend, and it makes me feel BOSS. lol. I’m not stopping yet!

 

160s May 13, 2013

Filed under: Uncategorized — kisskiss @ 8:25 am

weight: 168.2 woot woot!!

Weight is down! I finished 30 day shred, and I might post those pics online. I’m just not sure I want to , because I don’t see a difference between Day 1 and Day 30.  I took about 40 days to do the 30 ds, and I lost 7.8 lbs in the process and went down one pant size (size 8/10)

I’ved ecided to try another round of 30 days shred starting today. The only difference is I am using heavier weights, and I will also take my waist measurement.  May be I just need to keep doing this for a bit before I see the difference. Plus, it’s an easy way for me to do weights since I don’t do them at the gym. Happy Monday everyone!

 

Vegas! May 8, 2013

Filed under: Uncategorized — kisskiss @ 9:58 am

weight: 170.8

argh, weight is still the same.

30 day shred: Day 27. I’m almost done. I’ve lost 7 lbs so far, which I don’t feel is a lot. But, I feel like my tummy is flatter and my arms less jiggly…and this could all be mental as I didn’t measure myself :(

Boys: I’ve been on a few more dates a few guys. Very nice boys, but chemistry is a little off with both of them. They both know we are just dating and seeing where it goes (I’m no player or cheater! LOL).

for now I’m pretty happy getting some dating experience. It’s fun. Flirting and joking and learning about someone else is something that I’m not used to, but I like it.

I went to Vegas and had a great time!!! I shopped, ate, and clubbed. I had so much fun with my girls :)

I went in April of 2011 last year, and felt great at 260(after having lost 40 lbs). I felt even better at 170. Here is an update. I love dressing up. I never thought I would wear mini skirts, but that’s what I gravitate toward when I go out to a club. My favorite part about my after picture is….my COLLARBONES!! they’re so clear and pronounced! I love them. I’ll randomly touch my neck during the day in awe. It’s weird.

1st/3rd  pic: April 2011 at 260 pounds. Size 18 pants and a 2x jacket. The dress is 18W in third pic.

2nd/4th pic: May 2012 at 170pounds. Size 10 skirts, and a size 10 bodysuit.

 

Day 22: 30DS April 29, 2013

Filed under: Uncategorized — kisskiss @ 9:19 am

weight: 170.8

I’m on level 3, day 22 of 30 day shred. The end is in sight, and I am actually feeling pretty good about it. Level 3 is really, really hard. In fact, I’m doing most of the modified versions that the blond offers on the DVD. But, I feel good about it. I still don’t really notice a difference, but I guess when I take my after shots I shall really see.

I went hiking on Saturday, and I actually finished the trail. last time, on the same hike, I went only about 1/3 of the way with a friend before heading back. This time, I toughed it out. My endurance is getting better, may be I can thank 30ds for that? lol.

Happy Monday everyone!

 

bets April 22, 2013

Filed under: Uncategorized — kisskiss @ 8:11 am

weight: 173.5

My roommate’s boyfriend and I are in a weight loss bet. Whoever loses the most weight loss percentage by August will win $300. I’m really hoping this is the kick in the butt I need to make it closer to goal (140s). He weighs more than me (he’s at 240) and is taller (5′11). I kind of think he is going to beat me. But, I’m going to try my hardest to kick his a5$ :)

I’m on Day 17 of 30DS. only 3 more days and I’ll be on LEVEL 3. Kill me now. I don’t really notice a difference, but I hope that I’m looking leaner. I have gotten a lot of “your stomach is so flat” comments, so may be it’s working?

Dating: ahhhh. I met a kind of cool boy but he is always so BUSY. He works night shifts, and it’s hard to go out because he’s tired during the day. it sucks, because I think we could work. But, unless his shifts change, I don’t see how we will ever find out :( and, I’m not willing to be someones phone buddy if we never see each other…

 

30 ds updates April 15, 2013

Filed under: Uncategorized — kisskiss @ 8:47 am

weight: 175

date: no Buff man. I had to reschedule. darn unexpectedness that interrupts my plans to see a hot man.

I’m so happy to see 175. I’m solidly halfway out of this decade. I went dancing/drinking on Saturday night and I was sure that my drunkenness would’ve made that number on the scale higher. Thank god I like to dance and this probably offsets any of the Patron shots I take. Apparently, I like clubs now. I like getting ready, and having boys flirt with me and dancing all night long. I had a great time. I didn’t know that that could be me. May be I was always that kind of girl, I just made myself believe I was better than that because I was too self conscious. I’m still self conscious, but I’m better. I’m having fun.

30 day shred. So I finished level one. and I felt pretty badass about it. I was a puffed up peacock. and then, yesterday. LEVEL 2. Day 11. OMG.

I’m dreading doing that workout again today. My thighs are sore. My arms are sore. I thought it was so hard. I was able to complete it, but geeze it was a workout. a very hard workout. I was screaming at my tv “we’re barely on circuit 2? we’re barely doing strength on circuit 1? ” it was not a pretty sight. I can just imagine what level 3 is like. If I make it there!

oh and here is another side by side. I like posting these, cause it reminds me how far i’ve come. Plus, cute outfit right?

These pictures are almost exactly ONE YEAR apart.

the left is me at Vegas last year in March. I think I was about 260 and the Right is on Saturday and I was 176.

Left: dress is 18W from Macys. Right: Skirt is a size 10 from JCP and the top is a medium from target.

 

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