losing it

just another 3fc blog

friends December 16, 2013

Filed under: Uncategorized — kisskiss @ 8:50 am

weight: 136

totally not weight related post.

So much has changed in the last year of my life. I am a much different person that I was at the beginning of the year. I am more confident. I am more driven. I am nicer. Happier. Healthier. I expect more of myself, and I expect more of my friends.

Yesterday, I went out with my two best friends. We’ve been friends since middle school, so over 15 years. Good friends. Best Friends. But, this past year, Ive started to realize, we’ve really grown apart. We are not the same people, and I am not sure I like who they have become. I don’t like what I have to be in order to stay friends with them. At first I blamed myself. I lost weight, I changed. And I have. I dont’ want to take any more bullshit and drama from friends who don’t care and who only think of themselves. Without going into too much detail, they showed me that they don’t value our friendship. Last night, my two best friends showed me that they are not the girls I once knew. everything changes and I can’t keep trying to hold on to the past. My boyfriend saved me yesterday, picked me up even though he was swamped with work and my friends were supposed to have taken care of me. I love him. It’s hard for me to be in this phase where I’m letting go of the love I have for my friends. But, it’s also wonderful to be going through this new feeling of love I have for my boyfriend. I never thought my girls would desert me, or change on me. Where I couldnt rely on them. But it happened. And somehow, my boyfriend snuck in and gave me a stability that I didn’t know I was missing. So hard to explain.

So, I’m done. I’m done trying to be the friend who pleases everyone but myself. I’m done being the friend who takes the blame so that everyone else feels better about themselves. I tried and I made this effort to maintain these friendships. And, I’ve realized it’s not worth it. So, here’s to me. Here is to me having fun, and making new friends and not relying on the old ones. Here is to me being a better person.