losing it

just another 3fc blog

Halloween October 31, 2013

Filed under: Uncategorized — kisskiss @ 9:16 am

weight: 140.5

ahhhhhhh so close to the 130s. I can’t believe I am officially almost at my new goal of 135. Very happy. I don’t have Halloween plans, but I dressed up a couple of weeks ago for a party that I went to. It was super fun being able to actually wear a cute outfit (size small!). Today, I’m probably just going to take my nephew out trick or treating.

I was supposed to run a 10k last Sunday, but I hurt my back on Friday so I had to cancel. I’m very upset that I have such a weak back. I run, I hike, I do cardio. And yet, getting out of bed I pulled a muscle. I’ve been out of commission all week. I’m getting better, but probably won’t be 100% until 1-2 more weeks. It sucks, because I had planned to start a new gym/classes on November 1. I really want to get to 135 before the end of the year. Hell, before December 1st would be awesome too. I want to be able to go into the DMV and write in the new final weight of 130something and take a new pic at Goal. Hopefully my back heals fast.

In other news, I’ve spent all week thinking about my guy. On Sunday, he stayed up late working and when he came to bed, he accidently woke me up. It wasn’t a big deal, but he started stroking my arm to get me to fall asleep (I make him stroke my arm when we are watching movies, it’s relaxing to me). It was SO SWEET. I’m not ready to tell him the L word. It’s so terrifying! I don’t know how people do it. Fear of rejection. Or even, fear of being in love. Fear of needing someone. Fear of liking someone that much. Ugh.

 

body image October 3, 2013

Filed under: Uncategorized — kisskiss @ 8:15 am

weight: 144

I used to look at my body and really dislike what I saw. I had stretchmarks on my tummy. I had a belly and hips and big thighs. Even when I was bigger, I still thought I looked okay with clothes on. But when I looked at myself naked, I wanted to cry. I hate that I couldn’t love myself, because god know I would’ve been a happier person. I couldn’t be big and confident, as much as I tried. I followed fat acceptance blogs, and thought those women were cute and happy and lovely. But, i couldn’t make that happen with me.

Now, I look at my body and I’m happy. Dont’ get me wrong. I am FAR from perfect. I still have big thighs and hips. I definitely still have stretchmarks on my (flat) belly. I have some loose skin. I have areas that I wish I could change. But, I love myself. I love that my body can accomplish all these great things. This is my body, flaws and all. I wish I had that mentality when I was bigger. But, better late than never, right?