losing it

weight 166.5

My mom asked me how much I weighed, and I was proud to tell her I was 166. She’s been telling me recently that I look great, but that may be it’s time for me to call it goal. May be it’s a latina culture thing? I have hips and thighs, but my upper half is fairly thin. body wise, I look pretty good. (even if I am still overweight). anyway, it made me think of something that I wanted to tell her, but I knew it would hurt her feelings.

when I was in about 8th grade, my mom took us to the doctor for our regular checkups. I remember weighing in at a whopping 168 pounds (I was about 5′3). My mom kept repeating “are you sure that’s right? She can’t be that big”. I know she didn’t mean to be cruel. She herself was obese at about 230 and 5′2, and she feared I would get that way (which I did). But, I remember feeling so hurt and so ugly. The next day she put me on a diet that lasted about two weeks and in which I dropped 10 lbs (it was a tooooo low calorie unhealthy diet).

I now weigh the same as I did back then (although I’m about 2 inches taller). What’s the difference? Do I look different than I did back then? Is it because I’ve been so overweight/obese for the last 10 years that no one can see a thinner me?

in other news, I went hiking today. Have been going every weekend, and it makes me feel BOSS. lol. I’m not stopping yet!

weight: 168.2 woot woot!!

Weight is down! I finished 30 day shred, and I might post those pics online. I’m just not sure I want to , because I don’t see a difference between Day 1 and Day 30.  I took about 40 days to do the 30 ds, and I lost 7.8 lbs in the process and went down one pant size (size 8/10)

I’ved ecided to try another round of 30 days shred starting today. The only difference is I am using heavier weights, and I will also take my waist measurement.  May be I just need to keep doing this for a bit before I see the difference. Plus, it’s an easy way for me to do weights since I don’t do them at the gym. Happy Monday everyone!

weight: 170.8

argh, weight is still the same.

30 day shred: Day 27. I’m almost done. I’ve lost 7 lbs so far, which I don’t feel is a lot. But, I feel like my tummy is flatter and my arms less jiggly…and this could all be mental as I didn’t measure myself

Boys: I’ve been on a few more dates with this one boy. We have a good time. he’s very different than what I’m used to. He’s super cute, and funny. and nerdy. it’s freaking adorable.

And I’m also kind of seeing another guy who is more confident and less shy. Very nice. They both know we are just dating and seeing where it goes (I’m no player or cheater! LOL). They are both over 6ft and cute/handsome. Just…I never expected boys like that could like girls like me.

Maybe one of these guys turns into something more, but for now I’m pretty happy getting some dating exprerience It’s fun.

I went to Vegas and had a great time!!! I shopped, ate, and clubbed. I had so much fun with my girls

I went in April of 2011 last year, and felt great at 260(after having lost 40 lbs). I felt even better at 170. Here is an update. I love dressing up. I never thought I would wear mini skirts, but that’s what I gravitate toward when I go out to a club. My favorite part about my after picture is….my COLLARBONES!! they’re so clear and pronounced! I love them. I’ll randomly touch my neck during the day in awe. It’s weird.

1st/3rd  pic: April 2011 at 260 pounds. Size 18 pants and a 2x jacket. The dress is 18W in third pic.

2nd/4th pic: May 2012 at 170pounds. Size 10 skirts, and a size 10 bodysuit.

weight: 170.8

I’m on level 3, day 22 of 30 day shred. The end is in sight, and I am actually feeling pretty good about it. Level 3 is really, really hard. In fact, I’m doing most of the modified versions that the blond offers on the DVD. But, I feel good about it. I still don’t really notice a difference, but I guess when I take my after shots I shall really see.

I went hiking on Saturday, and I actually finished the trail. last time, on the same hike, I went only about 1/3 of the way with a friend before heading back. This time, I toughed it out. My endurance is getting better, may be I can thank 30ds for that? lol.

Happy Monday everyone!

weight: 173.5

My roommate’s boyfriend and I are in a weight loss bet. Whoever loses the most weight loss percentage by August will win $300. I’m really hoping this is the kick in the butt I need to make it closer to goal (140s). He weighs more than me (he’s at 240) and is taller (5′11). I kind of think he is going to beat me. But, I’m going to try my hardest to kick his a5$

I’m on Day 17 of 30DS. only 3 more days and I’ll be on LEVEL 3. Kill me now. I don’t really notice a difference, but I hope that I’m looking leaner. I have gotten a lot of “your stomach is so flat” comments, so may be it’s working?

Dating: ahhhh. This guy that I’m seeing is always so BUSY. He works night shifts, and it’s hard to go out because he’s tired during the day. it sucks, because I think we could work. But, unless his shifts change, I don’t see how we will ever find out

weight: 175.2

went out with muscle man on Tuesday. Bleh date.

went out with this other guy. really great date. It was fun. and effortless. Really good time

Finally! After my ex, I thought, damn. I’m screwed because I was so into him, and we had a perfect first date. Well, now I know it can still happen. may be it won’t work out with this guy, but he showed me that there ARE normal men out there. the last few dates I’ve been on have been uncomfortable (possibly bc I wasn’t ready), but this one showed me I will move on and I can be happy. So yay!!

Today is Day 14 on 30 DS. I took yesterday off even though I shouldn’t have. Oh well. I’m going to kill it today, I’m so pumped to workout after my awesome date last night. Too bad I have to wait until after work is over (6 hours away!).

weight: 175

date: no Buff man. I had to reschedule. darn unexpectedness that interrupts my plans to see a hot man.

I’m so happy to see 175. I’m solidly halfway out of this decade. I went dancing/drinking on Saturday night and I was sure that my drunkenness would’ve made that number on the scale higher. Thank god I like to dance and this probably offsets any of the Patron shots I take. Apparently, I like clubs now. I like getting ready, and having boys flirt with me and dancing all night long. I had a great time. I didn’t know that that could be me. May be I was always that kind of girl, I just made myself believe I was better than that because I was too self conscious. I’m still self conscious, but I’m better. I’m having fun.

30 day shred. So I finished level one. and I felt pretty badass about it. I was a puffed up peacock. and then, yesterday. LEVEL 2. Day 11. OMG.

I’m dreading doing that workout again today. My thighs are sore. My arms are sore. I thought it was so hard. I was able to complete it, but geeze it was a workout. a very hard workout. I was screaming at my tv “we’re barely on circuit 2? we’re barely doing strength on circuit 1? ” it was not a pretty sight. I can just imagine what level 3 is like. If I make it there!

oh and here is another side by side. I like posting these, cause it reminds me how far i’ve come. Plus, cute outfit right?

These pictures are almost exactly ONE YEAR apart.

the left is me at Vegas last year in March. I think I was about 260 and the Right is on Saturday and I was 176.

Left: dress is 18W from Macys. Right: Skirt is a size 10 from JCP and the top is a medium from target.

weight: 176.1

Friday: tomorrow is my big date with the FINE boy. I’m so excited….but first…..

I’d like to ask your opinion. I am chatting with this other boy. he lives in NY and he is planning on moving to LA in June (job opportunity). We did the whole “are you real, send me picture with two fingers up and bug eyes” . LOL that’s how I determine if the other person really exists outside of okcupid. Well he does.

He seems really nice. Except…… after a while of messaging, I let him know that I had lost a lot of weight. I tell my potential dates before we go out. I figure if they have a problem with it, then we don’t waste our time on a pointless date.

His response was “No!  you diet? I don’t think people should diet. I wish people would be more accepting of their body”. My response was “well, I don’t consider it dieting. I eat healthier and exercise”. the convo wasn’t mean or judgmental, it was just sharing opinions, and just chatting.

When he asked me how much I hd lost, I said “over 100lbs”. His response “you’re so beautiful right now. But I bet you were beautiful 100lbs ago”. hmmmm. Basically, he likes big girls. Like he finds hips and ass and tummy sexy! I said “well I’m not planning on gaining weight” and while I’m overweight, I don’t necessarily have a stomach. My stomach is surprisingly flat. I do have hips and booty. He responded with “I think you’re gorgeous, but yes I would think you’d be gorgeous heavier too. I would still think you’re beautiful if you lost more weight, but it’s not something I really care for. You shouldn’t have to diet if your body is naturally happier at a bigger weight. Genetics has a lot to do with it”. hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

I just don’t know what to do here. We’ve continued to chat. It’s good convo. But, I’m just like should I be weirded out by this? I don’t think I’d be tempted to gain weight, and I don’t think he is a “feeder” lol. How do I know that  term. I just think he likes big girls. LIke bigger than me. Sure he finds me attractive. and he’s dated thin girls (all types of girls). but he just prefers girls with tummy and hips. He’s not even in Cali, so may be I shouldn’t worry about it. But, is it wrong that I continue to message him? Should we end it? Is this fetish-y? I have no idea if it’s normal. I mean, I prefer TALL guys. and if I was being honest, I’m super attracted to guys with muscles. is that the same thing as his liking BIG girls? I’ve dated short (my ex was 5′8) even though I prefer tall. I don’t think he’d try to change me, but may be I shouldn’t even give it a chance?

ahhhhh HELP? What say you?

weight: 176.8 (argh)

I feel like a whoosh is coming. God, I hope a whoosh is coming! I feel like I should be at 173-175 because I’ve been on point with my eating and exercise. Heck, I’ve been a machine at the gym! Plus I’m on Day7 of the 30ds. Wow. that sh!t is killing me! I’m actually really afraid to progress to level 2 on Day 11. Like terrified to see what level 2 holds in store for me. I really hope that may be I am losing inches since I do not seem to be losing weight

Dating: I haven’t been on any dates since spring break ended. But I hve responded to a couple of boys. There are 2 guys I’m texting.

Guy 1: omg. I have never seen a more FINE man. This boy is legitimately the most beautiful man I have ever seen. he’s super fit. Like muscle man. Like, remember how I was worried that my ex was too fit? This man does not even compare. I would honestly described him as jacked or ripped. right away, through our texts, I told him “you have seen my pics right? I’m not anywhere near you level of fitness” lol. he assured me that he found me attractive, and that he isn’t huge (lol he is!). We are going on on Friday and I am so freaking nervous! He seems like he’s got it together, but I’m not sure if I’m his type. He seems very goal oriented, and like he is really choosy. His okc status has him as “replies selectively”, which is unheard of for guys on okc. They all usually have “replies often”. He told me he doesn’t want to lead girls on, so he only responds or messages girls he feels like he could eventually have a relationship with. I wish i could post his picture. he is way out of my league!! lol

Guy 2: we have been texting for like 2 weeks. which is long, usually guys ask me out right away, and I make them wait like a week of messaging. I find him both attractive and similar to me. He understands my weight loss, because he himself wants to lose 30 pounds from his 6 foot frame. Which, is nothing compared to my 120 lb loss on a 5′5 frame, but still. He understands goals and weight loss and exercise. and we text everyday. But, he hasnt asked me out!! Which makes me think he is just not that into me. Because, if a boy really likes a girl, he will make it happen (courtesy of He’s Just Not That Into You). ehh i dunno. so confused about this one.

okay that’s it. I’m going keep doing 30ds, and I will update all about my progress with it. also will tell you about our Friday date

weight: 176.8

so the scale is finally moving again, for which I am grateful. I was stuck at 183-185 for so long last month, it’s nice to see the mid 170s so quickly

I went to Target and bought the 30 day shred. I’ve been wanting to do this workout forever, but usually make some excuse. But, since it’s the 1st of April, I’m going to try to do this. I need to keep moving and get the scale to move. I took before pics in my undies and spots bras. After a month, i’ll post the after pics. I’m hoping that the 30ds will help me tighten up a little. I also bought some weights. I feel like I’m flabby, and I need to start working on toning up.

So I’ve been out with a couple more boys from okc. basically went out with #4, #5, and #6. lol once I get to 10, I think I may just cancel my okc account, or at least put it on hold. that’s just too many boys lol.

okay so #4. Italian/mexican. lives with his parents, going to school. He was pretty nice, the conversation flowed. We went for dinner and everything was good. Until he started talking about sex. I mean, the conversation was just a little TMI. not vulgar, but not something I would want to hear on first or even second date. and then when he told me that he’s been with 15 girls, that was a dealbreaker. I mean, it just made me uncomfortable that he was discussing that number with me. so he’s out.

#5: Bulgarian boy. Cute. Tall. Accent. works in entertainment industry. we met up for drinks. the first thing that was negative, and it wasn’t his fault, is that he lived in Hollywood. That’s just a little too far for me. It would help if he drove, but he likes the bus system. so basically, he likes to be in that area and not my area. second thing that I didn’t like was personality wise, he was way too positive for me. I don’t think I’m a negative person, but I am realistic. and I understand that I have flaws and that people have flaws. He didn’t. ehhh, I felt bad about that one because he seemed really really nice. Just not for me.

#6: older (32 years old to my 26). Really really tall. White boy. works in retail. okay, we went for coffee and pastries. ummm this one just seemed more like a friend that anything else. No real chemistry. and, he was cross eyed. which is fine, but that was not reflected in his pictures (he always was wearing glasses or at an angle). but, he was super confident. too confident for my tastes, like bordering on arrogant. and he talked a lot about the girls he dated on okc (he told me his last relationship was a girl from okc who he broke up with because she admitted to hving had Sex with 35 guys). umm okay, again TMI. lol.

So I’ve been on Spring Break which is why I’ve been on these dates. if not, I’m sure I just wouldn’t have the time to go out so much. I’m getting better at this online dating though. For example, I’m not as nervous. I feel a little more confident. and, I know how to do the kiss on the cheek versus lips now. LOL.

Like I said, I might just put this online stuff on hold once I go out with a couple more guys. I just am not finding anyone that I can be serious about. It’s funny because all the guys that I’ve been out with have asked me for a second date. So may be I’m just being too picky? May be i’m not ready to date? I have no idea.