Good mornin’, good mornin’!

It’s been one of those crazy days already.  We had an intense staff meeting planned for 8 a.m., which is 30 minutes earlier than we start our day, so I bought the staff breakfast.  That meant that I had to get up early enough to get ready, make myself an alternative, healthy breakfast, and get to the local breakfast hot-spot before it got jumping.  I did make it in time, but I will definitely be enjoying my late snooze this time tomorrow!  (We’re off for Veteran’s Day!)

Last night, my BFF called me when she was on her way to class.  She told me she was just checking in, but then informed me that she had gotten off of the phone with another of our friends who had just found out she was pregnant with their first child.  I’m ecstatic for them, but I’m sad for me.  After trying for so long, it hurts every time I hear of someone around me getting pregnant, especially because it seems so easy for everyone else.  My BFF was super-excited for our friend, and I don’t blame her at all, but I do wish there was someone else she could have shared the secret with.

After the phone call, I just wanted to curl up in bed & cry, but instead I got dressed and went for a 45 minute walk.  Hubs sensed that something was wrong, so he came out to walk with me.  I mentioned the pregnancy, but mostly we talked about me being done with maintaining this excess weight.  You see, this past January, I asked DH to devise an eating and exercise regimen for me to follow.  He is “Mr. Healthy” and I knew that he would be able to develop a really great, nutritionally sound program for me.  Well, he did, and in two months I ended up losing 25 lbs.  It was wonderful.  I felt great and we were so proud of what we had accomplished together.

Then I fell off.  I don’t really know what happened, or where the turning point was.  I just know that I quit.  And Monday morning I was 2 lbs. heavier than when I started in January.  We talked at length about this.  We had 45 minutes, after all.  I told him I didn’t want to be like this any more and that we needed to work together again to find that motivation.  He agreed.  I asked him for his help again.  I told him I wanted to spend 9 months to get ready for the 9 months that I’m hoping will come when I get to my healthy weight.

I’m feeling better already.  I know that my downfall is eating too much, especially at work.  My workouts haven’t actually been too bad recently and I know that I just need to keep working and build my intensity.  I just want to stay motivated.  I know that I can lose 25 lbs., maybe not in just two months this time, but I KNOW that I can do it.  But the big picture is that I need to lose 25 lbs. four times.  That’s what frightens me.  I don’t want to fall off again and end up right back at ZERO, or worse.  But, DH is asking for a commitment of one moment at a time and that’s what I’m going to give.  I will celebrate every success, even when it’s something as simple as passing on a piece of candy.  I have to recognize it, celebrate it, and use it to strengthen my resolve for the next, more difficult temptation.

I want to do this.  RIGHT NOW.  I am going to do this.  We can get through this together and I will be ready as soon as possible to move on to the next step in our lives.

Day 2

What am I doing?!  I completely forgot to read my ARC card this morning before breakfast!  I still had a good breakfast: ww toast w/ turkey bacon and coffee, but it just bugs me that I’ve already forgotten such a fundamental step.  Okay, another big thing I need to learn to do is just get over it and move on….so here we go!

Last night I dug down deep and found the motivation to go to Zumba class.  It’s not that I don’t like it, I actually love it while I’m there, but I hate the time of the class.  Working out from 7 - 8 p.m. just feels too late for me some nights.  It also means that I miss out on dinner with the hubs and I hate that, too.  Oh well.  I’d much rather go than not, it adds 120 minutes of exercise to my week.

I didn’t get to Day 2 of BDS last night, but I’ll be doing it today on my break.  I was just too worn out from a long Monday at work.  I’m not necessarily focusing on my eating right now, Beck suggests starting your eating plan after two weeks, but I am trying to be reasonable.  I’m feeling less bloaty already, so I guess I must already be doing some good.  Now if I could just get my act together and maintain hydration.  These dehydrated headaches I’ve been getting are completely unnecessary and unreasonable.  That’s the next thing to focus on!!

Okay, off to get my day really started.  READ YOUR ARC!!!!

Beck Diet Solution

Today has been great so far.  I started doing The Beck Diet Solution again from Day 1 today, so I’m glad to have a bit of focus.  Last night DH and I were riding around town and I told him that I was going to restart BDS.  His reply was sort of discouraging, but I’m going to do my best to ignore it.  He told me that he didn’t think I should start something over again if I’m not going to follow through with it as usual.  He is right, I don’t have a history of following through with things, but I have to start somewhere and BDS seemed like the right place to me.

So, Day 1’s task is to make an “Advantage Response Card” that listed some of the most important reasons for me to lose weight.  Here’s what I put:

  • to be thin
  • to be a sexy wife
  • to be more stylish/have more clothing options
  • to lower my risk of diabetes
  • to feel really proud of myself
  • to avoid feeling embarrassed to go places/see people
  • to make it easier/have more fun getting pregnant
  • to have a healthier pregnancy
  • to move more freely (ZUMBA!!)
  • to reach a healthier weight for my 30th birthday

I’m supposed to read my ARC before every meal and any time cravings hit or I’m tempted to eat something I shouldn’t.  I’ve done well this morning and was able to say “no” to the lady selling home-baked snacks from a cart at the office.  Go me!!

My goal is to do the BDS at least 5 days a week.  I’ll employ the tasks daily, but my goal is to add 5 new tasks per week.  The program is technically 7 days a week for 6 weeks, but the author instructs the reader to take his/her time with everything and to not move too fast through the program to really let every step soak in.

Tonight my workout is going to be an hour-long Zumba class and I really can’t wait, even though I’m feeling a bit tired right now.  The energy-boost I get from Zumba is awesome and I want to make sure I don’t miss any more classes.

Well, work is calling, so I’d better get to it.  I’m almost halfway through Day 1 and I feel like I’m doing good so far!!

What Can I Say?

I’ve reached the final straw.  I am DONE with this extra weight.  I have let it hold me down and rob me of so much for SO LONG!  I will not focus on the what if’s, though.  Doing that just gets me depressed.  I turn 30 in a little over 9 months.  I want so badly to be at a healthy weight by then.  It means a lot of sacrifice, a lot of saying, “no”, a lot of exercising, and a lot of hard work, but it will all be worth it.  My ultimate goal is to be able to get as close to a healthy weight as possible (100 - 110 lbs.) before getting pregnant.  I have 90 - 100 lbs. to lose.  It is possible.  It can happen.  I can be a healthy mother and wife.

I honestly don’t know what the next 9 months or even 9 days holds for me.  I’ve set a goal of losing 10 lbs. by Jan. 1, 2011.  My focus this weekend will be on portion size and exercise.  Over the weekend, I’ll be restarting the Beck Diet Solution. When I did it before, I did great, but I didn’t stick to it.  That has always been my problem; I am a world-class quitter.  This time HAS to be different.

I WILL NOT QUIT.  I WILL FINISH THIS RACE.  I WILL WITNESS MY 30TH BIRTHDAY WITH A DIFFERENT BODY, A DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE, AND FREEDOM!!