It’s been one of those crazy days already. We had an intense staff meeting planned for 8 a.m., which is 30 minutes earlier than we start our day, so I bought the staff breakfast. That meant that I had to get up early enough to get ready, make myself an alternative, healthy breakfast, and get to the local breakfast hot-spot before it got jumping. I did make it in time, but I will definitely be enjoying my late snooze this time tomorrow! (We’re off for Veteran’s Day!)
Last night, my BFF called me when she was on her way to class. She told me she was just checking in, but then informed me that she had gotten off of the phone with another of our friends who had just found out she was pregnant with their first child. I’m ecstatic for them, but I’m sad for me. After trying for so long, it hurts every time I hear of someone around me getting pregnant, especially because it seems so easy for everyone else. My BFF was super-excited for our friend, and I don’t blame her at all, but I do wish there was someone else she could have shared the secret with.
After the phone call, I just wanted to curl up in bed & cry, but instead I got dressed and went for a 45 minute walk. Hubs sensed that something was wrong, so he came out to walk with me. I mentioned the pregnancy, but mostly we talked about me being done with maintaining this excess weight. You see, this past January, I asked DH to devise an eating and exercise regimen for me to follow. He is “Mr. Healthy” and I knew that he would be able to develop a really great, nutritionally sound program for me. Well, he did, and in two months I ended up losing 25 lbs. It was wonderful. I felt great and we were so proud of what we had accomplished together.
Then I fell off. I don’t really know what happened, or where the turning point was. I just know that I quit. And Monday morning I was 2 lbs. heavier than when I started in January. We talked at length about this. We had 45 minutes, after all. I told him I didn’t want to be like this any more and that we needed to work together again to find that motivation. He agreed. I asked him for his help again. I told him I wanted to spend 9 months to get ready for the 9 months that I’m hoping will come when I get to my healthy weight.
I’m feeling better already. I know that my downfall is eating too much, especially at work. My workouts haven’t actually been too bad recently and I know that I just need to keep working and build my intensity. I just want to stay motivated. I know that I can lose 25 lbs., maybe not in just two months this time, but I KNOW that I can do it. But the big picture is that I need to lose 25 lbs. four times. That’s what frightens me. I don’t want to fall off again and end up right back at ZERO, or worse. But, DH is asking for a commitment of one moment at a time and that’s what I’m going to give. I will celebrate every success, even when it’s something as simple as passing on a piece of candy. I have to recognize it, celebrate it, and use it to strengthen my resolve for the next, more difficult temptation.
I want to do this. RIGHT NOW. I am going to do this. We can get through this together and I will be ready as soon as possible to move on to the next step in our lives.