If I scream much more, I swear, I will lose my voice. And my kids are good and I rarely ever raise my voice - I don’t really feel that is the way to handle misbehavior anyway - but this evening I am just losing my patience. I just want some peace and quiet.
It started on the ride home from the Ortho. The price wasn’t horrible - actually, it was probably the best I could have hoped for! But still being several thousand dollars, even the best price poses an issue for a single mom of three on a budget. I will figure it out though, I always do. Anyway, THAT wasn’t the problem. I was just going over numbers in my head and DS12 gives me an attitude about not stopping at a roadside farmers market because they are selling fresh pretzels. I asked him “Why, did YOU have the money on him to buy everyone pretzels?” And he looked at me with a terse, “Noooo” … but then was annoyed because he wants me to buy them. It’s a bleepin pretzel, it’s not even the PRETZEL that bothers me … it’s his complete disregard for MONEY … like our parents used to say, MONEY DOESN’T GROW ON TREES. And NO matter what, he can’t seem to get this concept! He is going into eigth grade now … for example, he is old enough to know that when I tell him I have a shopping list and a set amount of money to spend at the supermarket, then he shouldn’t be asking me for frivolous crap! So anyway, he has an attitude about the pretzels, he doesn’t really say much but sighing and a sarcastic okayyyy mom and tunes back into his iPod. Rough life the kid has, huh?
So, this sort of pushes my buttons and I lashed out at him. It went something like this: “Maybe you should have lived my twelve-year-old life for a while. Maybe you can get a job and work all summer, than you can pay me rent, and then you have to buy your own school clothes with the rest of that money. Oh, and how do you like my 12-yo braces?” And at this I flashed him a huge smile, demonstrating the gap in my tooth and my much less than perfect smile. Dental care certainly wasn’t my parents priority.
And trust me, I reallllllllllly held back. I could have mentioned that I was raising my 8 year old brother, that that year we had no heat, that my parents were drunk more often than sober, that I was constantly rescuing my mother from her “suicide” attempts … that she drank every medication we had in the house and tried to drive away with us at 2 am only to crash into a ditch across the street and pass out, and my brother and I had to carry her back inside. Alcohol and drugs came before food. And shortly thereafter, we lived out of a car. A 2 door hatchback. That was MY 12 year old life. And again, just a teeny percentage of it.
So, yeah. Turn up your ipod and be pissed because you don’t have a pretzel.
This has a lot to do with what I mentioned in a comment to Holly earlier in the week … really comparing my life at my childrens ages to their life. And don’t get me wrong: I am THRILLED that a pretzel is DS’s biggest concern! lmao! But I just wish he appreciated things a little more.
How do you get kids to appreciate how great they have it WITHOUT exposing how bad it can actually be?
——————– Here is where the language gets worse, lol ——————————
Anyway, I came home to a note from my boss -during my lousy two hours PERSONAL time I tried to take (which I got work calls on my cell all during) about a hotel reservation he was supposed to make, asking me if I made it. Okay, I’ve said it before, I have to say it again. Sorry for the language in advance. I AM NOT YOUR FUCKING PERSONAL ASSISTANT. THAT IS NOT MY JOB. FUCKING HIRE SOMEONE ELSE IF YOU NEED THAT SHIT BECAUSE I HAVE ENOUGH TO DO AND I AM STRESSED OUT ENOUGH AS IT IS. LORD KNOWS THERE ARE PLENTY OF OTHERS IN THE COMPANY WITH NOT ENOUGH TO DO, UTILIZE THEM! And btw, he didn’t have to make the reservation himself - he got an email from an exec asst in Corp telling him that she was handling the reservations and to let her know how many nights he needed … so why the fuck would I email her? I didn’t even get the email, it was FOR HIM. Why wouldn’t he REPLY TO HER??
Oh I’m sorry, he was probably too busy out shopping for yet ANOTHER car to add to his fleet. One that has cameras to vibrate the steering wheel when you cross the yellow line. You know, the important stuff in life.
——————— Ok, resume normalcy … for me, at least ——————————-
Whew.
So right now, I just want silence. I am heading to the gym in a few. Maybe running while this angry will be great. Oh, I hear the rain on the roof. POURING again. Sigh. I am not really angry with DS, I just want him to be appreciative. I do more with these kids in a month’s time than my parents ever did with me. Totally serious. I try my absolute best. I want to be a “success story” in every way.
And I can’t always stop for the damn pretzels.
lindat
June 24th, 2009 at 6:28 pm
I remember my dad saying the same thing to me as you said to your son and you know what I did? I didn’t care, listen and it didn’t sink in one bit. I was spoiled and indulged and expected things. Now I am older, I am ashamed at my behaviors. All you can hope for is that someday they will also be ashamed.
majestichollyhock
June 24th, 2009 at 7:05 pm
(((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))
Glad you could let it out here!!
Kelly
June 24th, 2009 at 8:23 pm
Thanks so much for your support ladies. I came back thinking maybe I will delete this, I bitched too much about my past … but then I thought, ehhh, may as well leave it. It is part of who I am and what made me ME.
Went to gym, completed W2D1 C25K and my weights. Drinking 3rd bottle of water now. Coloring hair. All is okay.
Hugs!
kotapaint
June 24th, 2009 at 11:08 pm
(((hugs))) I’ve got a few things in common with your upbringing and have much empathy. Like you, I have tried to be the best mom I can be and my kids want really for nothing. It is VERY HARD IMHO to teach kids to be appreciative and to know the value of a dollar. It was my biggest struggle raising kids in, what I consider, affluence. We aren’t rich. We work a lot. But we have a lot I think. Ages 12 to 18 was tough. The gimme this and gimme that was tough to battle–often they didn’t want to help/work at all. Just acted as if they were entitled because we Had It, so they should Have It. Hang in There. Most of all, don’t take their ungratefulness too personally. Totally normal for adolescents to be self-centered…and they are masters at pushing our buttons…ever since they learned to coo and pump their little fists and feet at mom while she was leaning over the crib…!
TV and the Gimme Culture is also tough to battle. Land of Plenty…Best Buy, The Mall, ETC.!!!
I made chore lists for my kids and I caught crap from them about it off and on for years…”We’re slaves”…”ALL we do is WORK”… Etc. They are very good at using words like NEVER, ALWAYS, FOREVER, etc. along with much eye rolling, hair flipping, dirty looks, etc. The kind of behavior you just want to slap into next week…but you hold back. And decide to withhold privileges and luxuries. Sigh. It is a constant battle.
However, it does pay off in the end. DD thanks me quite often for teaching her well, making her work, handling money, etc.
I think when the kids were 12, I made them work 1/2 hour to 1 hour after school and four hours on Saturday or Sunday–depending on their extracurriculars and homework load. They were paid. And so began the managing $, buying stuff lessons… “Is such and such worth four hours of your time working?” Etc.
And LT, my daughter says that she is ashamed for her poor behaviors in her “youth”. I tell her not to be ashamed for realizing her behavior was ungrateful, but to be proud that she now knows the difference. I tell her I didn’t expect to parent without pain anymore than I expected birth to be without pain. It is what it is. (But Kelly, some days you want to pound their butts into the ground and slap the smirk off their faces…!)
One of my favorite lines Kel was to tell the kids, “Hey, you didn’t come with an owner’s manual. I’m doing the best I can. If you don’t like the job I did when you are a finished product, feel free to raise your kids however you want…” LOL Probably didn’t make a pinch of difference, but it made me feel better….
As for the boss. What a turd. You are the GO TO gal, the fixer, the doer, so he picks up the phone and calls the person who gets the job done…even if the job isn’t yours to do…it’s a back handed compliement. However, hope you are able to set some boundaries so he doesn’t abuse your good nature.
kotapaint
June 24th, 2009 at 11:11 pm
And as if my post wasn’t long enough, Congratulations for venting rather than eating. Profanity has no calories, so have at it if it helps!
TawnyaInControl
June 25th, 2009 at 7:48 am
Haha… I remember leaving posts that I thought maybe I shouldn’t have in the past! The first time around, I vented so much about my sick dysfunctional upbringing. Looking back, I realize THAT’S WHY I WAS FAT! It’s all one huge process. Glad I did it/do it.
Chemical dependencies screw belief systems up big time. Chemically dependent family systems are more common than not. You are SO NOT alone–great idea to vent about it. I think writing is neat aid to our processing–we think a little more about our words. It’s nice here at 3fc that you can get feedback and e-hugs!
*hugs* =D
Tawnya
loosingme
June 25th, 2009 at 9:42 am
awe HUGS! You simply cannot make a teenager ( cause ya, he is there) understand the value of money by words. One day, he will get it. But even my best kid, the saver, the one who I always thought understood things cost money and sometimes you have to wait and save up and the difference between WANTS and NEEDS….has seemed on occasion to forget this. Teens have a “I want it now attitude to life”, an “i am entitled to get what i want” attitude and that is just how their brains are wired.
sorry about the boss stuff. Ya, that sucks. Crappy place to have to be in!!
hugs, hugs and more hugs! Your baby is growing up. Welcome to the wonderful world of hormonal changes! LOL
loosingme
June 25th, 2009 at 9:45 am
I just read Vicki’s comment, and ya, she said what I said, but better. 12 to 18 is hard, no doubt. It might help to get a book about teenagers and the way they think….my mom got me one when I was going through a real rough patch with dd, and it helped….but I am sure, NOT having another parent to bounce this stuff off of, or stand by you, makes it that much harder. I feel sorry for my mom having to go through it alone….but it can be done!
majestichollyhock
June 25th, 2009 at 9:49 am
Well said, Kota. I agree, with realizing “mistakes” in the past and then moving forward. it is all life school.
HUGS Kel. Hope today is better.
Laura
June 25th, 2009 at 3:26 pm
At some point your kids will learn they have a wonderful parent and a stable household - a lot more than other kids might have. Not unusual t be self-absorbed as a kid (I know I was, and still am, LOL), so hopefully the realization comes as they mature.
Sorry your boss is a jacka$$.
moonfairy
June 26th, 2009 at 2:35 pm
kel, you vent all you want. it’s perfectly OK. i have a pretty bad potty mouth but i hold back on this site b/c i don’t want anyone to think about how rude i can be. it’s refreshing to hear someone else vent!
as for DS…did you check the computer for any chat msgs from him telling his friend that “u suck”? LOL.
as for the boss…EXACTLY! when did i become my boss’ slave? feeding, cleaning up after, taking to the vet, arranging for adoption for his cat? when did i become his gf’s slave? book airline, book hotel…but it has to be f-ing hotel in italy where a bloody nun stayed at before the age of dawn. like, seriously? come on! you should shove a pretzel in your boss’ mouth. LMAO. i’m crazy, i know.
as for the kids…i agree. mine ask for stuff all the time and i just say nope, i don’t have the money. you’ll have to wait until pay day. but ask them to buy an ice-cream from their little stash…they seem to forget that they have money b/c we give it to them otherwise they’d have nothing.