Posted by kaylajay on September 28th, 2010 |Filed Under Uncategorized |
After a particularly depressing few months without a laptop, I bought a new one. A sleek and gorgeous apple. I’m still trying to figure out how to do a blogroll/ “link” to other blogs. I’ll figure it out one of these days.
Speaking of apples, I haven’t eaten one in months. note to self, add to the grocery list. apples.
My “ex” will be in town this weekend and I am absolutely dreading seeing him. We were together during my a-little-thick-but-still-sexy phase. Now that my face resembles a pumpkin I just want to slip into a moo moo and hide in a dark room. I find myself wondering if I can lose, say, 50 pounds by the weekend. He, of course, will just smile and make some remark about loving thick women and how the girl who just flirted with him right in front of me (since I must be just a friend, right?) resembles a stick. But how can he love my body when I can’t even love it myself?
I am considering picking up overtime so that he won’t see me like this.
Does weight effect everyone like this? I am still shocked at how much my personality has changed. I used to be sparkling and confident.. Now I don’t want to go out and I avoid mirrors like the plague. Every time my friends complain because they had to wear their “fat” jeans (size 4) I want to go home and get back into bed. and then there’s sex.. which I won’t get into now, but it has lost quite a bit of appeal on my end. It shouldn’t be like this. I used to say “why complain? just change it if you don’t like it!” But really, it’s not that easy. Or maybe it is..
I’m happy to say I’ve given up jack in the box (my fav fast food, which is to be blamed for the dreaded “back fat” I have lately been gifted with) and go to the gym at least once a day. Granted I don’t always do very much at the gym, but I do make an appearance. No weight lost yet but I haven’t gained any either, so I guess thats a step.