Hey,

I’m sorry I didn’t update last night, I was helping out at Guides so didn’t get the chance.

Yeh so this last week has been a bit mad.  As I posted before we had the whole fiasco with the fridge freezer, then Corbyn went missing and we had to call everyone like the SSPCA, Cat Protection League, the council, the vets….  Anyway, he came back and that’s the main thing.

I haven’t been able to go running either which does suck because I was really enoying it.  I will start again as soon as my legs have healed!  I can’t remember if I wrote it before, but I pulled little muscles in my mid-lower leg (both) which still hadn’t improved with icing and ibuprofen every 4 hours.  The doc says there’s nothing that can be done but wait for it to heal.  If I’m still geting pain in 4 weeks to go back.  Isn’t that good?  But never mind, I’m going to have to wait until it gets better, simple as.

I’ve been wondering about this whole thing.  Crisis of faith perhaps.  I was talking to Will and he was saying he found it difficult because every time I weighed myself my mood would be affected for the whole week.  Like if I lost some weight I’d be really happy but then would always be a bit lax about my eating.  Or if I gained weight or stayed the same I’d be down all week and really hard on myself.  He was worried it wasn’t entirely healthy.  I’d been thinking the same thing myself.  Is it right for me to judge myself by the number?  Will thinks I should be happy with what I see in the mirror, and it doesn’t matter what I weigh.  I like that philosophy too.  But I just feel…. stagnated.  I feel like all I think about is food and weight and numbers and guilt because I can’t go out running and I’m having trouble even walking because of my legs.  And I know it sounds like such an excuse and I hate not being able to do it but I don’t want to really damage them by running when I’m not meant to.

Ugh I don’t know.  I’m just so fed up.  I hate obsessing like this.  I just want to be healthy and happy and enjoy food and enjoy exercise.  I enjoy both of them now, but my inability to do the latter at the moment means I feel guilty for enjoying the former.  ARGH!