Hey chicks,

How are you all doing?

I just feel a bit bleurgh today!  Wednesdays are always bad for food because I’m up early, breakfast at 7am then not a chance to eat again until 1pm.  This makes me REALLY hungry.  Now when I’m home I have a bowl of cornflakes but it’s not filling me up.  Does anyone have some suggestions for filling snacks?  I have a good lunch of chicken sandwich on wholemeal bread, but since I don’t get home till 6 it means I’m crazy hungry when I get home.  I tried taking fruit packs with me, but I find they almost make things worse because they give me some food but not enough to stop the hunger and it makes it harder to ignore the pangs.  Today was really bad - I kept getting stares because my tummy was growling so loud!

Will and I have been doing this regime, it helps both of us really.  It starts with a warm up, then sets of press ups, sit ups, stretches, punches, kicks and lunges.  It warms you up that’s for sure!  It makes me a bit sore but the good kind :)  I was going to restart C25K this week but due to the snow I felt that wouldn’t be giving myself the best advantage.  I really just want to be lazy but I’m going to do my Wii Fit in a minute.

I’m not sure how good the weigh in will be tomorrow.  I’ve been weighing myself everyday and the scale has been jumping all over the place, but I’ll take measurements too so I’ll see if there’s any changes.  Anyway, need to press on anyway!

I had been a bit disappointed, because no matter what I seem to do this week I keep gaining weight.  I’ve been exercising, drinking so much water I pee twice an hour if not more, ate carefully, didn’t eat carefully … And so my weight yesterday morning was 155.4lbs - that is very close to my (if it isn’t my actual) heaviest weight.  So what did I decide to do?  I said - I know!  I’ll fast for a weekend to shrink my stomach and burn some of those “hanging around not doing much” bits of fat!

Like I said, I’m an idiot.

I woke up hungry (I hadn’t eaten since 7pm Friday).  But I drank lots of water and it satiated me.  As I got to work though, I couldn’t ignore the hunger pangs.  You could hear my stomach growling over the music in the store!  I was starting to get little dots in my vision and feel unsteady.  I was tired, irritable and slow paced.  Again, I’m an idiot.

So I decided that idiocy is not the way to go.  Funny that!  I came home and made a small portion of scrambled eggs (two eggs, tiniest scraping of butter, teaspoon of grated cheese) and will make some dinner once I’ve written this.  I’m having sweet and sour chicken, which involves:

• 1 chicken breast
• 1 pack of Amoy straight-to-wok fine noodles
• 1 red bell pepper
• 2 heaped tablespoons of sweetcorn
• Sharwood’s sweet and sour sauce

It’s pretty yummy and not too bad for me.  It fills me up quite a bit too.  So I’m hopefully paying penance for my earlier stupidity!  I’ve resigned up to the Daily Plate too - I’d gotten out of the habit of using it, but am renewing my efforts!

Well my week 5 weigh in was pretty crap - after finally scoring a loss last week I rocketed from 151 to 154.8lbs today!  Let’s just say I definitely overindulged on my birthday week!  I’m ok with it though - it’s all changing

Will and I have started sit up competitions most night (unless one of us is working very late) and I’m back to couch to 5k next week now this injury seems to have healed - let’s hope the snow lets up for then!  We’re going to try and do a bit of hiking every week as well.  It’s not as high impact but is still such a good workout.  I’m still feeling positive and motivated so go me, let’s move on and see a loss next week!

You know, something I hear quite a lot about is this “snap” where someone’s mentality totally changes.  Without it we can still lose weight because of motivation or willpower or sheer stubborness to change, but for a lot of us these aren’t always permanent.

I don’t know, but I think I’ve experienced this “snap”.  I know I’m not exactly old (!!) and I’m not depressed either - unlike many of my similarly aged peers - I have a lot to look forward too.  But it’s like last night I just had this clarity.

It’s not that I don’t want to be a fat mummy or a fat granny or a fat girlfriend or just that fat girl on the beach in a poorly fitting bikini.  I CAN’T BE.  Failure is less than an opportunity, it’s not possible.  Because I’m not going to increase my risks of diabetes and heart problems and other health problems too.  I’m not prepared to waste my life away.

My life is precious and I want to savour all of it.  I will succeed, because that’s the only option.  I’ll let you know how I progress with that…

Well it’s my birthday today!

Today’s a day off regimes, off the chocolate abstination, off thinking about weight.  Today I’m enjoying my birthday and seeing the people who are important to me, but I thought I’d check in here too!

I’m all grown up now, there’s no excuses for not taking care of myself.  None at all :)  I’m motivated, but today I’m just going to do as I please!

Well, since I’ve not been to great at blogging recently, this will probably by my last entry before my 20th birthday on Monday!

The scales finally saw a change today (even though it was only a little one) after sitting at 152.6 for a week straight.  Let’s keep it up!

Uni has been getting even more crazy than usual, hence so little updating on here.  But I wanted to write something before my birthday.  I have the feeling it is going to be a watershed for me.  I’ve just got that sense about it.

I hope you’re all having a great week, and best wishes to everyone.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!

/\   That’s how I feel right now  /\

I am so fed up with my weight, with never getting anywhere, with feeling so goddamn tired all the time.  For feeling guilty for not fitting in more exercise while at the same time knowing that if I squeeze it into my remnants of free time I’m going to go crazy.  I’m fed up with craving food and being guilty as soon as any of it passes my lips even if it’s a planned and scheduled meal.  I hate this little voice that says “What’s the point - you’re never going to make goal anyway”.   And I HATE losing resolve and motivation so quickly.  It’s doing my head in!

If … WHEN I get to the end of this journey I will be GLAD.  I am NOT enjoying it, though I shall persevere.  ARGH!

Sorry, rant over…

Ok, so I got my weight/study planner calender today!  Geeky… yes, but it should help me out.  So, since I’m weighing myself every day today’s was 152.6 (at least a little better than the 11st shocker yesterday, but still up from last official weigh in).  I’m going to keep those official weigh ins too so I can track progress easier, and also my page would look too full otherwise!

Will and I had a good chat last night because I was feeling pretty down about everything.  He admitted that he’d thought 5 days a week on Wii Fit is too difficult because since I work for 2 I have to do it every single other day, and sometimes things just don’t work out like that.  And he’s right - I haven’t managed it (apart from my first good week).  I want to use the gym as well, but since I’m doing so much studying etc. around class time I don’t want to be working at uni until 5 and then going to the gym straight after (which is also on campus), I need a break!  I don’t know if any of you guys have this issue but once I’m at the gym its fine, its the thought of walking 40 minutes there and back, often in the rain and cold, it puts me off!  SO, we’ve agreed that I go to the gym once or twice a week for a 3 hour block, and he’ll either pick me up or drop me off, so then I only have to walk one way.

We created a bit more of an action plan as well, which is basically along the lines of finding ways to reduce portions, conditioning myself to stop craving food just for the sake of eating and not because I’m hungry, and to eat more slowly so I fill up better.  Also to keep drinking water, but I do pretty well with that anyway.

So, while I’m not feeling hugely motivated today, the action plan should keep me on track; I’ll let you know next time.  Also, tonight’s a kind of treat anyway - we’re going out to celebrate our third anniversary :D  So, tonight I might even have dessert!  (The actual day is tomorrow but we cant go out tomorrow, so hey - day early!)

Oh and P.S. 20 days without chocolate!

It snowed for a bit today.  But then it downgraded itself to rain bluergh!

I was at the doctors today for a check up and they weighed me in at 11st Fair enough I was dressed and since it was 3.30pm I had eaten but I still feel pretty down about it.

I feel a bit crap as well because a whole load of things I’d ordered from Amazon like my calendar and my new laptop bag etc. are coming by special delivery tomorrow.  Except now I have to go into a meeting so I wont be here to collect them.  Since there’s secure entry to the flat, we wont be able to get the note saying which depot it will have been sent to.  So I was all excited about getting these things and I feel all deflated now.  It’s so stupid I don’t know why it’s getting to me but it does.  Sigh.

Well my weigh in went really well today!  I’ve lost 1.6lbs and lots of inches!

• Chest - lost 1.5″
• Waist - lost 0.5″
• Stomach - lost 1″
• Hips - lost 0.75″
• Left Thigh - lost 0.5″

So that’s like an all round inch loss of 4.25″!  I’m really, really pleased with that progress

I was reading concentrated’s blog last night, her story is really inspiring!  Anyway, she has a calendar up in the bathroom where she records her weight and gives herself a gold star for reaching exercise targets.  I think that’s such a great idea!  It gives you physical proof you can look at and think about.  I’ve bought my calendar and stars lol.  I’m putting mine in the bedroom so I can use it as a study guide as well, and I’m feeling really motivated!