Ive always been up and down with losing weight.  The first time I started and never wanted to look back was Aug 2009 at 20 years old. I weighed in at 195 and from Aug 01, 09 to Jan 2012 I had lost 40 lbs and was right around 155.

I was then stuck and could not lose weight. I had always struggled with my relationship with food. Working out is no problem, but my eating needs to be perfect or I feel unmotivated.  I am very “all or nothing”   The eating needs to be on track as well as the working out.

Well I managed to lose another few pounds by July 2010 for my friends wedding and I was at my lowest ever of 147.  It felt AMAZING that I was so close to my goal of 125-130.  Well I never made it. Lack of will power coupled with a boyfriend who did and ate whatever he wanted was the vehicle for me gaining back a lot of the weight. I was up to about 170. I didn’t really blame him because no one was forcing me to eat anything, but I told him from the get go that I need support and I cannot have that crap in the house..but he did what he wanted anyway.  We didn’t end up working out for several reasons.  Now I am at 180 and trying so hard to do this again.  I have a new boyfriend who is perfect for me in every  way that every other guy has not been..but once again I found a guy that can and does eat whatever he wants!  On the plus side he does work out with me anytime I want to go to the gym and he tries to avoid eating the junk or fast food when I am around.

Anyway…I am struggling hardcore to get started again.  I feel defeated and exhausted. I feel like I have been in a prison my whole life and in July 2010 when I was at 147 it was like I could almost see the exit and I was almost free….but I let myself fall all the way back down and have to start over even more exhausted than the first time.