So tonight is my second night in New Jersey. I am here for my best friend’s grandfather’s memorial service. It is very sad and everyone is drinking but I am trying SO HARD to be good. I think I’ve done pretty good so far except I haven’t exercised at ALL in 3 days. I think the only flub up I had today was one small bite of a donut, a piece of the most amazing corn bread I’ve ever had in my life, and a few sips of wine (which is actually on my diet but I still think its meaningless calories.

I’m trying to think about how good I’m doing and not focus on the bad but I think with the sad energy around the house and the fog surrounding the area it is pretty hard. I remember though how I did when I went away for the weekend before. This house is filled with brownies and cookies and pie and every amazing thing I could want. All the temptations are here. Before I would have eaten EVERYTHING. I would not have eaten just a little bit. I would have gone crazy. So I need to be proud of myself.

Since I am pretty bored I thought this would be a good time to explain more about my story a little. When I was a little kid, I ate everything I wanted. Junk food was my favorite category on the food pyramid and I was so skinny. As I got older in late Elementary School I started gaining weight. By fourth grade I realized I was overweight. By the time I was in middle school I was even heavier and in high school i was in the 200s. SO by 14 I was over 200 lbs and only 5′8.

When I was 14 my father was diagnosed with esophageal cancer. He had a rough year and died only 9 months later in September when I was 15.  It came as a huge shock. As Daddy’s little girl I was obviously devastated. The one good thing that came out of it was that by December I decided I needed to get healthy. My dad was a very large man. He comes from a family of overweight people. It’s in my genetics. I knew that if I was going to lose weight I would have to fight it really hard. After he died I wasn’t up for a fight but somehow the decision was made. Over the next two years I went on and off weight watchers. I ultimately lost 30 lbs and got down to 195 lbs. I want to be in ONEDERLAND AGAIN! Unfortunately over the last year I gained it all back plus more. I got depression sometime at the end of last year and I guess that really does cause weight gain. My depression is getting better and after an entire year of complaining and eating my feelings, I decided this time I’m really going to do it.

And I am.