I notice that when I am doing poorly with eating I don’t write on here because I want to avoid the situation at all costs. Somehow writing it down makes it real…which is why when I was gaining back all the weight I lost over the lost few months before going back on South Beach I virtually disappeared. I cannot disappear this time.

I am feeling really anxious and I think I just need to vent. I know how to lose weight and I want it more than anything in the world. BUT I don’t want it to take over my life. I want to be able to make brownies with my friends like I used to or eat some cake at a party. Where the hell does my self control go? This weekend I went to a surprise party and two cookouts and I knew at the party I wasn’ going to do very well. I let myself have some cake, chips, a beer, and some chicken Parmesan. That would have been fine if I stopped there! On mothers day with two cookouts I extended my 1 bad day. Now its Wednesday and I’m trying SO hard not to keep extending my pause. I know I shouldn’t go off it completely. I sort of feel like its all or nothing which I know thats bad. I KNOW so much so why am I doing this?

I’ve been studying for finals and doing lots of homework lately. My classes end tommorow. And I’ve been trying to do well. I feel so stressed though that I actually got in the car, got to the grocery store, picked up a big piece of cake to buy…but I somehow ended up putting it back. Which is good.

I feel like though that I am never going to get where I want to be. I’ll always fail and I’ll just be trying to lose weight my entire life. I don’t want me life to be dieting or trying so hard to lose weight. I have a great boyfriend, a good family, good friends, I live in a nice area….I wish I could just not obsess and not be SO hard on myself.

BUT I AM SO HARD ON MYSELF. I FEEL LIKE I AM GOING TO SCREAM!!

14.5 lbs down and I am now onto phase two. I’m cooking delicious meals and trying not to go crazy on the not so great phase two foods. It’s hard. Last time I lost weight I did a great job. I was on track all the time and lost the weight REALLY fast. I don’t think that was so good now that I am looking back on it. As soon as I stopped thinking about the rigorous diet that I was on I gained most of it backed. And that sucks. SO I really need to do a few things:

• not go to the ultimate extreme; find a balance
• eat 3 meals a day
• eat foods I enjoy so I don’t feel like I’m missing out
• make sure to eat when I’m hungry so I don’t go crazy
• Drink lots of water
• Exercise in some form everyday

I think if I go a little slower and make sure to eat foods I really like and not force myself to eat foods I don’t enjoy then I can do this for the rest of my life. I think If I am unhappy I will think of it like a diet. I thought I was doing good last time but obviously since I gained it back I did something wrong. I need to not be so hard on myself. I need to not weigh myself everyday. I need to let myself have a treat here and there.

I need to believe in myself!

I am feeling so much better about myself! I have lost 12.5 lbs since starting the South Beach Diet again. I am at the point where I don’t miss the junk food toooooo much but I still miss it a little. I’m feeling good! I’m trying to go on more walks. I haven’t started exercising really hardcore yet. Last time I lost weight I would go to the gym 5 days a week. For some reason that thought scares me. I’m not sure why. Last time I LOVED going to the gym. I didn’t think of it as a chore. I didn’t mind doing the elliptical for an hour. I would watch tv and listen to music or read and I was perfectly happy doing that. I really need to get back into the swing of things with that!

I continue to cook and try different recipes. I made lettuce wraps yesturday and some tasty lean pork chops. I didn’t even know I really liked pork chops but they were delicious! Salad has also become my best friend!

I’m hoping I can lose at least 25 lbs before the end of the bet I’m in. It ends on June 1st. What do you think? Good goal? Too fast?? I’m not sure but I know I’m feeling good! I love the south beach diet!!!

I am feeling really motivated and TRYING not to beat myself up about the past several months of goofs. I am cooking a lot which is so much fun! I just wanted to share this AMAZING recipe that I found on the South Beach Diet Forum that I made last night. It was so easy to make and it was so amazingly tasty. It didn’t taste diet AT ALL and especially didn’t taste like it should be on phase 1. If anyone makes it let me know!!!

8 lbs down! I’m excited!

Bacon Cheeseburger Pie, P1 [posted by lilgemini620]
A friend of mine that is on the beach gave me this recipe and it’s wonderful.

1lb ground turkey- cooked and drained (or very lean hamburger)
4 strips of turkey bacon, fried till crisp and chopped or broken
small onion-chopped
1 8 oz bag of shredded cheese
1 cup of light mayo (I used 1/2 cup) great both ways
3 eggs

Brown turkey in skillet with onion. Remove and mix in bowl with bacon pieces, breaking up any larger clumps with a fork or pastry mixer until you have a fine mix. Drain well of any excess grease and press into the bottom of a deep-dish pie pan. Set aside.

Preheat oven to 350°F.

Combine remaining ingredients in mixer bowl and whip well. Pour mixture over turkey or beef “crust” and bake 40-45 minutes until top is browned and “set”. Cool 15-20 minutes before slicing. This can be packaged in Ziplocs or plastic containers for meals quickly microwaved over the next 3-5 days. (Does not freeze well, though.)

SO TASTY!

Well it has been A LONG time off track after gaining 50 lbs back of the 60 that I lost which is just ridiculous. I am TRYING not to beat my self up so much. The first few days were sooooooooo hard. I wanted to give up SO many times. I had leftover blueberry turnovers that looked AMAZING and Reese’s peanut butter cups. I didn’t even take a bite!

So now I am back on South Beach and I’m feeling great and proud of myself. And this is helping me to get some other aspects of my life under control and in order. I’m very happy about that. I went hiking two days ago which was fun but I am really out of shape and do need to start going back to the gym. I think I will do that as SOON as possible! Hopefully tomorrow.

I’m doing good and I love cooking with my boyfriend. We have turned it into something fun to do together! I can do this. I still haven’t given up. I have hit quite a large bump on the way but I think I’m back the right way.

Hello everyone! I totally disappeared off the face of the earth. I’m pretty disappointed with myself. I ran into a little problem…that being love. Love isn’t really a problem BUT it is a pretty big distraction. SO I’ve gained A LOT of weight back. I’ve just weight myself for the first time in months and unfortunately I weigh 235 again. I can’t believe I messed up so badly! BUT I started another weight loss bet with my relatives as motivations and I am ready. I know I can do this. I refuse to give up. At 185 I felt so amazing about myself and the weigh I looked and physically I felt wonderful. Now I’m not feeling so great and my pants are really tight.

I’m ready. I almost lost hope for a little while but hopefully I have some people on here who still believe in me?

I went grocery shopping today for all phase 1 foods and I am feeling  a lot better already. I’m ready to go back to phase 1 for two weeks. No eating fruit or starch or alcohol or sugar at all for two weeks. I can do that. I’m also not going to weigh myself for a little while. I don’t really have any desire to weigh myself which is a good thing because I tend to get obsessed.

I realize my cravings have definitely come back in full swing. I went to Trader Joes and all my favorite Christmas goodies were there. I worked there last Christmas so I know pretty much what everything taste like and ugh they have the best desserts at this time! It was hard to not want everything in sight. But I did go away with some chicken burgers, celery, babybel cheese, and some hummus which was good.

I’m going to eat more veggies, drink more water…and go to the gym tomorrow.

I am deffinitly not back on track. I JUST ATE A DONUT! I’m getting pretty mad at myself because I’m not eating right at all or going to the gym and I find myself eating just too much. I don’t want to give up or put anymore weight back on! I’m at a standstill of about 189/190…which is alright considering my original goal was to be 189 by December first. Ugh I am just such a sucker for derailment. It is so hard to get back on the right track.

I’ve been so distracted with lots of things in life and that is really not an excuse. I want to go back to how I was! I can do this. I just need to start right now. Why did I eat a donut? Really? Now I’m scared of the holidays…

SO…I’ve been doing HORRIBLE this past week. I’ve gained almost 5 lbs and now I weigh 190. I don’t know what happened but ever since I found out my bookstore was closing I’ve just been eating a lot. I thought I would do okay on thanksgiving. I didn’t even WANT pecan pie. Somehow though it ended up getting eaten. So I think it is time to go back on phase one to get rid of these cravings!!!

I am not completely mad at myself because I have lost 55 lbs. Everyone at Thanksgiving said I looked amazing and couldn’t believe it so that felt really really good. I am not going to give up though! That is what I’ve always said! I have 40 more lbs to lose and I will do it!

I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving!!

Today I have to admit I ate a lot more than I should and I did it simply because I was sad. I had a big cookie and a chai latte and other little things here and there that really were horrible for me. I usually don’t write about stuff other than dieting but today I feel the need. The bookstore I work at is closing for good and we have to be out of there by mid January. I have always said I love my job more than anything. As a young college student, most of my friends have shitty waitressing jobs and I’ve had lots of horrible part times jobs including at a movie theater and a fast food restaurant for a time. Everyone at this bookstore is like a family. We go out on weekends and we have game nights and parties and work is just so much fun. We all make fun of each other and have inside jokes and really enjoy each others company.

I found out today that we have to find another job. It was such a shock and everyone cried here and there. I think I cried the most. I love my job so much. I feel liked and important. It is the first job I’ve had out of 5 in the last few years where I felt accepted. I wanted to stay there throughout all of college until I found my career. It is such a huge blow. I hate this economy crisis we are going through.

I feel like everything in my life has been coming together in the last few months. I’ve lost weight, guys have shown interest, I feel good about myself, I like school, and I absolutely love every single thing about my job. I am not in the mood for my contentedness to go away so soon!

Tomorrow I’m job hunting.

And going to the gym to work off my off-track eating for today.