no ambition?!

I was told yesterday that I have no ambition. We were discussing the fact I haven’t fully unpacked and have done almost no decorating since I moved into my current apartment. At first it was because I wasn’t sure if I was going to stay, now my lease is almost up and I don’t want to stay. But when I stated I simply haven’t had the ambition to do anything with the place, my neighbor said I don’t appear to have any ambition at all. Truthfully, I’m not sure that’s true, and if it is I’m wondering if it’s really such a bad thing? Yes I’m trying to lose weight and get healthy. And someday I want to figure out how to finish my degree and become a teacher. But for right now I’m pretty content with where I am in life. I’ve never been one of those people who desperately wanted anything. I’m not materialistic, don’t measure my life by the things I own, or want to own. Work is a necessity, a way to pay the bills and not a means to accumulate piles of money. I care about people, my friends and family, more than any possession or amount of cash. Teaching is something I feel called to do, God’s plan for my life. I just haven’t figured out how to get there. I believe when the time is right, the door will open.

I stopped in the middle of writing this to take a phone call then got sidetracked, and watched the latest sermon from my church online. Funny how they often seem to be directed at me, or to deal with the same issues I have going on in my life! This one was referring to trusting God and His purpose for our life, instead of allowing fear to rule you.  Then you can live, and live life more abundantly, as opposed to playing it safe. Reminds me of one of my favorite quotes from Ms Frizzle on The Magic School Bus, “Get messy, take chances!” So I don’t know if my desire for a stable, peace-filled, drama free life is more of a safe harbor mentality and just a matter of really being content with the place I’m at. I’m in a good place, though it may not be perfect. Going to have to mull over both the conversation with my neighbor and that sermon for a few days!

Had a fairly good food day, was running late for a shopping date with friends but DIDN’T skip breakfast which is a big nono now that I”m taking glucophage! Made a slice of high fiber toast with peanut butter and drank half a glass of milk. Not great, but beats the usual sausage biscuit or bagel n creamcheese. Was feeling the blood sugar drop by the time we hit IHOP for lunch…got them to let me order off the senior menu so I just had 2 slices of french toast and 2 slices of bacon. (I can never eat the full order anyway) Didn’t eat anything else until dinner around 7. Whole grain pasta with lowfat spaghetti sauce, ground bison and fresh spinach added to the sauce. Super yum! Was feeling like the blood sugar was on the low side so added a slice of high fiber bread with one of those spreadable butters make with olive oil. Milk again as well, don’t drink as much of that as I should!  No fruit, but I did get in my veggies : )

2 Responses to “no ambition?!”

  1. I have been a very ambitious person at times, but my living spaces always look like I just moved in — no matter how long I’ve lived there!

    “Ambition” to me is not that helpful of a word because it has both negative and positive connations — my inner nice girl and inner get-ahead-person are at battle. I do better when I think about enthusiasm and engagement. If I’m really enthusiastic and engaged in something, I’ll probably succeed. And, if I don’t, who cares? The experience was enough.

    Yay for not skipping breakfast!

  2. Cannot BELIEVE someone would say that to you. Do not take this person’s insult to heart, Do not give it space on your mental shelf. It speaks volumes of any person would who insult you (no matter how nicely it may be couched), then expect you to take that insult to heart. It speaks volumes of that person, and not in a good way.

    I’m a firm believer in the words of Rugyard Kipling’s poem: “…If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you, But make allowance for their doubting too.”

    Trust the person you are and don’t worry about fulfilling someone else’s idea of … whatever it is they want from you.

    Whoooo…sorry to get all worked up! That just got me all fired up!

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