no ambition?!

I was told yesterday that I have no ambition. We were discussing the fact I haven’t fully unpacked and have done almost no decorating since I moved into my current apartment. At first it was because I wasn’t sure if I was going to stay, now my lease is almost up and I don’t want to stay. But when I stated I simply haven’t had the ambition to do anything with the place, my neighbor said I don’t appear to have any ambition at all. Truthfully, I’m not sure that’s true, and if it is I’m wondering if it’s really such a bad thing? Yes I’m trying to lose weight and get healthy. And someday I want to figure out how to finish my degree and become a teacher. But for right now I’m pretty content with where I am in life. I’ve never been one of those people who desperately wanted anything. I’m not materialistic, don’t measure my life by the things I own, or want to own. Work is a necessity, a way to pay the bills and not a means to accumulate piles of money. I care about people, my friends and family, more than any possession or amount of cash. Teaching is something I feel called to do, God’s plan for my life. I just haven’t figured out how to get there. I believe when the time is right, the door will open.

I stopped in the middle of writing this to take a phone call then got sidetracked, and watched the latest sermon from my church online. Funny how they often seem to be directed at me, or to deal with the same issues I have going on in my life! This one was referring to trusting God and His purpose for our life, instead of allowing fear to rule you.  Then you can live, and live life more abundantly, as opposed to playing it safe. Reminds me of one of my favorite quotes from Ms Frizzle on The Magic School Bus, “Get messy, take chances!” So I don’t know if my desire for a stable, peace-filled, drama free life is more of a safe harbor mentality and just a matter of really being content with the place I’m at. I’m in a good place, though it may not be perfect. Going to have to mull over both the conversation with my neighbor and that sermon for a few days!

Had a fairly good food day, was running late for a shopping date with friends but DIDN’T skip breakfast which is a big nono now that I”m taking glucophage! Made a slice of high fiber toast with peanut butter and drank half a glass of milk. Not great, but beats the usual sausage biscuit or bagel n creamcheese. Was feeling the blood sugar drop by the time we hit IHOP for lunch…got them to let me order off the senior menu so I just had 2 slices of french toast and 2 slices of bacon. (I can never eat the full order anyway) Didn’t eat anything else until dinner around 7. Whole grain pasta with lowfat spaghetti sauce, ground bison and fresh spinach added to the sauce. Super yum! Was feeling like the blood sugar was on the low side so added a slice of high fiber bread with one of those spreadable butters make with olive oil. Milk again as well, don’t drink as much of that as I should!  No fruit, but I did get in my veggies : )

slow and steady wins the race : )

I collect turtles (figurines) and this is one of my favorite quotes. Seems appropriate since the weight loss is moving so slowly! I did finally drop a 2nd lb and have started going to the gym on my lunch break to walk on the treadmill. Even though I walk 1-2 miles a day chasing the bus I wanted to step it up a little. I started out easy yesterday, not too fast and at a low incline. It’s discouraging to have to start at ground zero again! Good thing I didn’t try to begin where I left off, apparently the leg muscle I bruised when I totaled my car isn’t completely healed -it’s protesting a bit! Hoping to find a way to do my physical therapy where I want to go, at least for a few weeks so they can teach me what exercises I can do safely with a herniated disc.

 

seeing some progress!

It’s been a rough week, but I’m seeing some progress! Getting better at keeping my blood sugar on an even keel and I’ve lost 1lb in the past week : ) Go me! It’s taking a lot of organization and planning, which I’m not good at. But if that’s what it takes I’ll have to do it. It seems to be pretty much a matter of eating 4-5 small meals a day. My downfall is usually dinner. I’m getting home late at night, too exhausted to think about cooking and end up ordering in. But I’m sticking to my 25-50% rule. If I eat out, order in, or get something that’s not a real healthy choice then I only eat 25-50% of it. The rest goes in the trash. I know, it kills me to waste food. But if I bring it home or keep it in the house I’ll keep picking at it until it’s gone. And I’m trying to walk at least 30 mins a day.

good news for a change!

Yet another doctor’s visit, this time to the gastroenterologist. After reviewing five years worth of records from six different doctors in two states, he’s satisfied that as far as my fatty liver goes we’re doing everything we need to do. No more tests or additional meds, and I don’t have to go back to him for six months. Yay! I’m tired of spending all of my  days off bouncing between doctors or having labwork etc done. I’m taking the full dose of glucophage/metformin and so far doing pretty well. Felt nauseaus, week and shaky before my appointment, I think because I was puttering around doing laundry etc before I ate breakfast. My blood sugar wasn’t all that low, but my girlfriend who’s diabetic said if it’s lower than what my body is used to I’ll react until I adjust to the changes. Makes sense : ) Meanwhile I actually got out and walked about a mile last night, the most walking I’ve done in the last four months other than hobbling to the bus stop the past couple of weeks.  My leg wasn’t real happy with it, but it didn’t seem to aggravate my back. I have an appointment at the spine institute next week to see if I’ll need another epidural, and to get set up for some physical therapy. Treadmill here I come!

Having my girlfriend work with me on my diet and prediabetes issues will be a big plus. She’s been a diabetic for almost thirty years and has a child who’s diabetic. It helps to have someone I can call whenever I have a question about my glucose readings and to double check on all the info I’m reading about what foods I should, and should’t eat. I’m using fitday to log my food so I know what I’m eating and how it breaks down nutrition wise.

The bottom line is that if I get my diet right, and my weight down it will help with the fatty liver and prediabetes issues. Should help with my back as well. Now that I’m on the glucophage I’m hoping that when I can get back to the gym it will actually impact my weight. I’m sooo tired of hearing that as long as I work out I’m getting healthy on the inside. I want to see some results on the outside!

My biggest struggle with the diet is my workdays. On my days off if I’m at home I’m much better at controlling and tracking what I eat. As long as I prepare my meals in advance to take to work I’m usually ok, but it’s hard to resist when we have a cafeteria on site. I have gotten them to allow the purchase of half portions on the entrees which is a big help for the weight and wallet, but they still aren’t giving us the nutritional break down, which is something that’s been requested and pretty much ignored. 

While it won’t reflect on my weightloss goals since I started focusing on them again last week, I have actually lost two pounds since my last visit to this doctor four weeks ago. So on the health and weightloss front, today is a good day!