This time of year, I usually start planning my New Year’s Resolutions. With the exception of my “fat acceptance” years in which I vowed NOT to diet, this may be the first year that “start diet,” has not been on the agenda.
This year, I have no need to start a diet (or vow not to diet), because I’m happy (for the most part) with what I’m doing.
I have, though spent most of the year in a bit of “autopilot” mode. I’ve lost a little bit of weight this past year, but mostly I just “not gained.” When I first reviewed the small progress of this past year, I started to feel regretful that I hadn’t done more – and not just in the vague feeling of always wanting to have accomplished more. I started to feel like 2009 had been a lost opportunity, a failure.
I’m often a champion of the “you haven’t failed if you’ve learned something about yourself” philosophy – and of “small successes ARE successes.”
But, I still nearly tripped over the stereotypical hurdle of feeling “not good enough,” because I didn’t have a 2009 weightloss, worthy of my very own Biggest Loser style television special.
Progress is often acheived, not by the large successes, but by the small ones, and even though I know that – the small successes can get lost in the shuffle… because they’re whispers, not shouts, they often go unnoticed.
So many small changes to celebrate. Changes I made so gradually, I have a trouble seeing them, because I forget that it wasn’t always this way.
There’s nothing wrong with small and slow changes, but I do feel the desire to pick up the pace a little, as I’d like to reach my goal weight before I’m 50. Of course, the old me would have wanted the weight off before 2011. That may not be realistic. Theoretically possible, I suppose – but I still have to fight the old “mean-to-herself Colleen” desire to confuse theoretically possible with “absolute failure if not achieved.”
So, 2009 wasn’t all it could have been – no matter what I’d achieved I probably would have felt that way. If I’d lost 50 lbs, I would have wished it was 100. If I’d lost 100 lbs, I would have wished I’d lost 150.
My main resolution for 2010 is to see every choice as an opportunity to start fresh. Change does not have to be big or perfect, and there’s no need to wait to start until the next day, the next week, the next Month, the next Year. Every choice is a new beginning.