I don’t normally do this…

…but I need to write for a second time today. I don’t know what my problem is right now but I’m feeling really depressed. Today was a fine day. Work went smoothly. The boss was out for most of the day. I think I know what happened. I didn’t go to the gym. I planned on it. I had my gym stuff. And for whatever reason it was, I didn’t go. Instead, I went to the super market and bought creamer, G2 Gatorade to try, Crystal Light, and a bag of Jolly Rancher Chews. I’ve been obsessing over candy lately. I want sugary, chewy and mouth watering candies. I feel fat. I feel depressed. I feel controlled by these emotions right now. I want nothing more than to hunker down in bed with enough alcohol to be completely inebriated. I want to gorge myself on the nastiest, fattiest foods around. I almost want to do it as a -please excuse the language- “fuck you” to the world. I’m resentful and angry. Why? Why do I feel like this? Where is the justification for these feelings? I think it’s guilt. It’s guilt for not going to the gym. I miss Drew. I miss him so much when I feel like this. He accepts me for everything I’ve always hated and wished I wasn’t. I just.. I just don’t know anymore. Could it be TOM? I’m known to get pretty depressed a week before his expected arrival date. I’m not making any sense in this entry. I just know I’m really really sad right now. I want to be free.

- Nikki

Posted by JustCallMeCow on March 11th, 2010 under Everyday Ramblings

Leave a Comment


March 2010
M T W T F S S
« Feb   Apr »
1234567
891011121314
15161718192021
22232425262728
293031  

  • The Fat Chicks



    • Meta:

    rss feed