It’s been two weeks since my last confession…
Welp! I’ve been doing okay. This past weekend I went to Drews. We hads a wonderful time. For once we had no obligations for the weekend. On Sunday we went to Jen and Vencys newly owned condo for dinner. It was nice. Food was delicious. Company was wonderful. Overall, a very nice time. The remainder of the weekend was shared with just Drew. It was nice. He called out of work on Monday and we spent that whole day together. It was great. My days are messed up severely. I feel like it’s Tuesday but really it’s Wednesday. Weird!
Still haven’t been to the gym in a long time =/ I’m tired of not going. I keep on saying that and then when it comes time to go, I don’t. Sigh. My bag is packed and at the store right now. I’m hoping to get there after work. I’ve got work for a mere six hours. Gym really needs to happen today…
I’m learning to apprecaite food, lately. Drew makes big hearty delicious meals when I am with him. It’s mostly on Sundays when we will have a big breakfast of eggs, bacon and french toast. I stay away from the bacon or sausage because I don’t like to eat pork. It. Is. Okay. To. Eat. It’s okay to eat and ENJOY food. I like to eat. I like the taste. I like the feeling. I like being happy with my food. I’m slowly learning that it’s okay. I don’t like the feeling that fast food gives me. I like the feeling of home cooked, delicious, REAL food. I’ve spent a long time eating healthy and using nonfat substances. Sometimes those fatty foods are OK! Drew makes french toast with white bread. He uses butter and syrup and it’s delicious. I forgot just HOW good something like that can be. I really did. People make the mistake of cutting out those foods when they “diet” that as soon as they eat something not normally labeled “diet food” they say to hell with it and continue to eat badly thinking the diet has failed them. I’m a woman who loves to drink beer. I love to eat wings. I love midnight food runs. This is something that has not changed in me. It is, however, able to be controlled. I feel okay with my relationship with food lately. I get a good mix of good for me, rich in fiber and veggies food but I also enjoy those fatty tastes. I can’t explain it and I’m not sure if I’m doing a good job trying =P I just know that I’m trying to go about things in a different way. Now, to just get the gym back on track!
Today I have work from 1pm - 7pm. After work I plan on getting to the gym - NO MATTER WHAT. I need to sweat! I need to feel my body move and get back into some sort of routine. I want to not only look good but I want to feel good about myself. Drew loves me no matter what I look like and he has no problem with how I look. I do though. So I need to fix it. When I was losing wieght I felt like I was on top of the world. Like I could do anything. I could be anyone I wanted to be. I started to kind of slide back into submission and I don’t like this feeling =/ I need to get back to it..
I guess that’s all for today. I have to figure out what food is going to be for the rest of the day. Later, girls.
- Nikki
Posted by JustCallMeCow on November 18th, 2009 under Everyday Ramblings3 Responses to “It’s been two weeks since my last confession…”
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The Fat Chicks
Meta:
November 18th, 2009 at 12:55 pm
I agree w/ you - I feel like I have to cut out all the foods I like to eat, but I just need to understand I can’t eat as much of them or as often. Hopefully I can find a balance that’ll help me lose weight, but not feel denied of eating pleasure. If weight loss goes slower, so be it. Or I can try to exercise more consistently to help me out. Speaking of exercise - you just focus on getting yourself to the gym tonight. Once you get there, exercise will happen!
November 18th, 2009 at 7:05 pm
“He uses butter and syrup and it’s delicious. I forgot just HOW good something like that can be.”
Getting to a place where I could embrace my inner foodie and LOVE food & ENJOY it again was a huge step for me. I spent so many years at war with food, with my body. Over the past few years I’ve been looking for a ‘no stress’ weight loss approach. And enjoying food is part of that.
November 18th, 2009 at 9:40 pm
I better see an entry here tomorrow describing your workout!
We all feel guilty about foods we shouldn’t eat but we really need to accept the fact that it’s OK every now and then.