Better Late Than Never
I’m here. I’m journaling. Hoorah.
I probably wouldn’t be here if I hadn’t of gone into the living room and went to spend some time with the family. I talked to my moms best friend, Janet, about Drew. I mentioned I was going to a wedding in September. She’s like “Time to hit the gym! I know how that feels!” My dad chimed in and said “Are you still doing that gym thing?” I, of course, made up an excuse to save myself the embarassment of having let myself go so badly. In reality, it’s a mere ten pounds that I’ve gained but it’s noticable. I feel it. I see it, as does my entire family and friends around me. Sigh. So, here I am to write about it.
Today was an okay day food wise up until I got home. My meal plan went like this:
- 3 fiber one banana walnut pancakes w/ butter lite syrup, coffee w/ half and half
- tuna on ww lite, cheese stick, snack mix (banana chips, mini m&ms, dried cranberries), 4 life savers
- six wg chicken nuggets on roll w/ melted rf mozzarella cheese, sauce & parmesean cheese
- 1/2 cup wg spaghetti w/ sauce
- 1 WHOLE bag popcorn, coffee w/ ff hazel nut creamer
- snack mix
Yeah, so. That is my plan. All day was pretty good except this evening. I ate way too much. I feel it in my belly. Too much popcorn. Didn’t need any more snacks for the night, that’s for sure. Dinner filled me up that I should have been satisfied with that.
Gym. I miss you. I miss how you made me feel. If I can just close my eyes and remember how it felt every time I left you after sweating and working myself outside of my comfort zone. I was tired and ready to collapse but I felt invigorated and alive at the same time. I felt strong and invincible. Take away the congratulatory comments from family members, friends and other gym members and focus on the way you made ME feel. Not how anyone else felt about what I was accomplishing. I need to come back to you. I need to put my blinders on. Do not focus on what other people are thinking. Do not focus on what family members say about my weight gain. Do not focus on my mistakes in the past. My life changed so drastically for me that it has taken me a long time to adjust. I know what will make me feel good. I know that eating too much does not make me feel good. The moment that piece of candy or that potato chip hit my lips I am consumed with guilt over it. It would be one thing if I was watching what I ate all the time and hitting the gym, but I’m not. I’m just continuing on the same path that ballooned me up to 250 pounds. I need to change. Put the blinders up. Ignore everyone around me and take care of ME.
With that said. I’m feeling inspired and relieved. Tomorrows plan is:
- Wake up 8:15
- Gym 9 - 9:45
- Work 11 - 7:15
- Shannons house for homemade pizza & girl time =)
- 1am - Picking up Drew.. =)
And here is the meal plan:
- kashi cereal w/ ff milk
- banana
- tuna fish on ww lite, apple
- snack mix (banana chips, mini m&ms, dried cranberries)
- 2 slices ww pizza w/ rf mozzarella & turkey pepperoni, lite ceasar salad
Okay, I’ve got a plan. Gym clothes are already put asside. Time to get my lunch and outfit together for tomorrow. It WILL be a good day. =)
Night, girls.
- Nikki
Posted by JustCallMeCow on July 24th, 2009 under Everyday Ramblings2 Responses to “Better Late Than Never”
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The Fat Chicks
Meta:
July 25th, 2009 at 9:29 am
Good for you!
July 26th, 2009 at 10:42 pm
Nikki, I don’t have a father that makes comments, I have a mom that competes. Argh! I don’t know which is harder to withstand. This is hard enough to do without comments–but kudos to you for changing that into positive energy for yourself at the gym!
Why can’t this be just like when we were losing weight the first time around? I just don’t get it!
Have a stellar workout, my friend–Kick butt.
*hugs*