Little by little I am gaining back that motivation.

I’m feeling pretty pumped about losing weight again. I finally braved the scale and got on a couple of days ago. Weight was 161.5. I was talking to Ashley and I’m the type of person who ignores a problem. However small or insignificant a problem may be I will go to great lengths to avoid it all together. I think it’s part of the reason why I stopped journaling. I used to be so consistant in my entries. I’d write every single morning before work. I would get so excited to report a weightloss. I would get so excited to talk about how my work out went and what my food log was. When weight gain started, I wanted to ignore it and pretend it didn’t exist but the truth of the matter is.. it does exist. And if I don’t stop it now I am going to gain a hundred pounds back faster then it has taken me to lose it.

I see a change in my body. My tube is coming back. You all know what tube I’m talking about. That roll of fat around the waist. I worked so hard to get rid of that tube and when it went away I was so excited about it. Well, it’s back. Heh. Not as severe as it was before but.. it’s still there nonetheless. I officially have four (count them!).. four pairs of jeans that I can’t wear. I mean, I probably could. They still button but.. muffin top just isn’t attractive especially when it’s around the entire midsection all the way to the back. Just.. it’s not attractive. SOooo.. I have a pair of size 32″ waist jeans that I got at H&M. I wore those one time. The night I met Brandon which was I believe, November 1st 2008. My weight at that time was 147. If you did the math, that’s an almost fifteen pound gain in about seven months. Ouch. Major ouch. My new goal for now is to fit comfortably back into those jeans. I’ll hang them on my wall or on the back of my closet door. Anywhere I can see them so that it motivates me to just get the job done.

I have to stop looking back on the mistakes I’ve made. I’ve had smooth sailing these past couple of years that it’s taken me to shed this weight. I’m a different person inside and out reguardless of gaining almost fifteen pounds. The trick now is to catch it before it goes any further. I need to compare how I felt then to how I feel now. Now I feel lazy and tired all the time. I take naps when I get home from work instead of go to the gym. I obsess about my weight and I don’t like the way my body is looking. I feel unhealthy and sluggish. I’m embarassed and I know people can tell that I’ve gained weight. It’s shameful. But, like I said. Mistakes are mistakes. It happened and I really can’t ignore it any longer. I know how to do this. I’ve done it before. I have to stop pretending like I’m brain dead. It’s not that difficult. Stop eating, minimize the drinking and go to the gym. Easy.

Tonight I’m going midnight bowling with friends but I don’t want to drink. I drank a half bottle of cherry flavored vodka last night. I was mixing it with Diet Dr. Pepper and …holy crap! It was just so delicious. Very dangerous! I was not expecting to drink that much at all. Dan came over. We hung out. Yeah.. um, interesting evening, needless to say. So, I’m going to eat healthy all day, get my water in, get rest because I’m running on four hours of sleep and head over to the bowling alley tonight. It should be fun. I’m excited. Good company, bowling.. what’s not to love? =)

Tomorrow I’m supposed to be hanging out with Ron. Still not sure what we are doing. I hope it works out though and he doesn’t cancel on me or something. I don’t think he would but.. we’ll see. I’m thinking of doing lunch or something, maybe see a movie, run errands, go miniature golfing or something dorky like that if the weather is nice and then head to his house and make dinner. I’m not staying over there as we both have work Monday morning so, yeah. I miss staying over his house though. He has the most comfortable bed. I just miss being around him, I guess. Sigh.

Anywho, I guess I’ll end this entry and go snuggle up in bed. I’m really tired, actually. Rest will do me good. I also want to think about what my plan of action is going to be in reguards to getting back to the gym and losing this weight I’ve gained. I need to map out how I am going to do this again.

Hope you ladies are doing well.

- Nikki

 

Posted by JustCallMeCow on May 16th, 2009 under Everyday Ramblings

One Response to “Little by little I am gaining back that motivation.”

  1. moonfairy Says:
    May 19th, 2009 at 5:58 pm

    k, girl…time to pull up your pants. you know what you need to do. :)

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