What am I going to do without her?
I got sad news today. Sylvia is no longer training at my gym. She, apparently, got a promotion at her job and is now only teaching at the Lucille Roberts a few towns over. I was absolutely devastated. Most people can’t possibly understand what it feels like. There will always be other trainers but Sylvia really inspired me. Everytime I went to her class I would get so pumped up. The music and the overall classes she taught were amazing. Tears literally stung my eyes when I found out. It makes me regret not being there for the past three weeks and taking her classes when I could have… Sigh.
I did it, finally. I weighed myself this morning. I weighed in at 162.0. Almost cried when I saw that number too. That’s what you get for three months of no gym time, alcohol and eating whatever the hell I felt like whenever I wanted it. I have a few choice words that I’d like to throw out right now but I won’t out of respect. It’s done. I did what I did. I can’t look back on the past. I can only look forward to the future and where I want to take my body. Summer is a mere three months away. If I want to get back to where I was comfortable then I need to get on back on track now.
I never see Ashley anymore. She’s too busy with her G/F. I understand that they are both super excited about eachother but I don’t understand how this happened. While I was off having my fun with the boys I was still there to hang out. I guess it’s different. I don’t know. Apparently next week she’s spending the whole week at her G/F’s new apartment. I give it three months before she moves in with her. This relationship is moving much too fast for my liking. I miss my best friend.
Today was a really good day food and gym wise. I ate nothing that I would deem as unhealthy and I was kept satisfied through out the day. The gym was a great forty five minute kickboxing work out. I don’t know if it’s because I haven’t been there for a long while so my muscles.. downstairs aren’t as strong as they were but from all the jumping jacks and basic jumping up and down I pee’d 
I wear a pad all the time just in case but it was like.. over flowing. Gross, I know! I think it’s kegels what I have to do. I’ll start right now as I type this. Okay.
I was in the middle of cleaning the windows at work and Alex surprised me. He came up to the window and I was so excited to see him. He came in the store and we hugged and kissed for a second. It was really sweet of him. I was kind of having a crappy day and it made me brighten up a little bit. I don’t like this feeling. It was fine before because I wasn’t really feeling anything towards him but I think it might be changing and it scares the crap out of me. I don’t like how I was with Brandon. Constantly thinking about him. Wondering why he hasn’t called. Thinking he was with other people. I don’t like who I am when that happens. I would much rather have no attatchments at all. I’m scared of this feeling. I’ll do everything I can to push it away and not care. I think I’m going to need relationship counseling or something =/
Hmm, I guess that’s all for tonight. It’s 8:10pm and I feel like it’s eleven. I’m off to browse the internet for a little while. Maybe do some online shopping. There is a book I want to get called American Anonomys. It’s about all sorts of addiction. Looks interesting.
Have a good night all.
- Nikki
Posted by JustCallMeCow on March 16th, 2009 under Everyday Ramblings3 Responses to “What am I going to do without her?”
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The Fat Chicks
Meta:
March 16th, 2009 at 8:58 pm
I am sorry about your trainer. However, don’t let her departure stop you from what you need to do.
As for Ashley, I feel your pain. We all have had friends who have grown away from us. Look at this as a growth experience for you and expand your horizons and your friend network. Ashley may return on her own in time.
In the meantime get back to eating clean, working out, and doing what is best for you! We are always here for you!
March 16th, 2009 at 9:52 pm
A lot of stuff happening in your life at one time, and all of it raising challenging feelings. Just be gentle with Nikki. Be open to the new people that are going to come into your life because of the openings. Nature abhors a vacuum.
I’m really glad you went back to the gym. You’re taking the right steps! WoooHooo!
Take it slow with Alex, but enjoy that rush and tingle when you see him, believe me it passes soon enough! Hugs!
March 17th, 2009 at 10:56 am
Lmao @ the kegels … I read that and started doing them, lol.
I can totally relate to not wanting to be like you were with Brandon … but really, hiding from those feelings gets us nowhere. Relationship counseling, or jut counseling, is probably a good idea. I am looking into that myself.
Going to check out that book too!
So sorry to hear about Sylvia! How far is “a few towns away”? Too far to drive once or twice a week?