It has been a very long time since I’ve written here. A few ladies from the original journals and myself tried a few other options to get the same type of lay out that we were so accustomed to before this journal option. We haven’t found anything. We’re all friends on Facebook so that keeps us in touch. I just wish it never changed.
Things have been crazy with me in the year 2011. Drew and I went through a rocky time that I thought may break us apart. I won’t get into the details because, truthfully, I just want to forget about them. Rest assured, our relationship is stronger than ever. In June we went apartment hunting and in August we signed a lease to a one bedroom with a deck in the quaint little town of Seymour, CT. I quit my job and uprooted my entire existence to be with the man I love. Despite not having a job or any source of income, I wouldn’t want it any other way. I love this man with all of my heart and this is a whole new chapter for our relationship.
Right before I quit my job to move I decided to take advantage of the health benefits I still had and got myself checked out. Unfortunately, my pap came out abnormal. High grade dysplasia. So, four days ago I had a cone biopsy. And four days later I’m still feeling the effects of the anesthesia. Not fun, but it’s something that needed to get done. I have an appointment on Friday to make sure everything is okay with the cone. From there, I guess it’s just annual paps to make sure there’s no abnormality. The night before my surgery my doctor calls and tells me I also have a urinary tract infection that I needed medication for. It just seems to be one thing after another lately..
I have been applying nonstop to jobs. I actually got a part time job at Best Buy for a customer service position. The GM really liked me and said she thinks I could go far in the company. I just wish she’d start me off with full time. I need those benefits so badly. Cobra is killing me with a $550 monthly premium. After my issues are taken care of I’m going to search for a less costly insurance company. Based on the household income and my having only a part-time job I think I’ll be able to find something much cheaper.. I hope. If I don’t hear from Best Buy today I’m going to call them tomorrow to make sure they got my drug test and I’m clear to start working. I just want to get back into some sort of normal schedule..
The main reason for my wanting to start writing here again is because of how much weight I have gained. My lowest weight was 143lbs. As of about a week ago when I weighed in at the hospital my weight was 176lbs. That’s just insane to me. I know I’ve gained a lot because I can feel it. I feel hefty. I feel the roll around my belly. I feel lethargic and tired easily. My clothes are all not fitting. In fact - I was down to a size 8/10. I’m not squeezing into a size 12 barely. I don’t feel comfortable unless I am wearing a tummy control tank top or tummy control panties. I need to take my health back. I really do. Between leaving retail over a year ago for a desk job, my health issues, moving to a complete different state and not having any sort of gym routine it’s truly worn me down. I eat all day and it doesn’t matter what. It is no ones fault but my own I mentioned to Drew yesterday that I’ve gained 25 pounds since I’ve met him. He feels responsible for it but it’s no ones fault but my own. I’m the one who chose to ate all those crappy foods. And I need to monitor everything I eat. Drew can easily eat 2500 to 3000 calories and maintain his weight. If I do that, then I gain weight. It needs to stop. I can see myself reaching 200 pounds again and I refuse to go through that again. So, it stops right now. I’m going back to what I know. I say this all the time but.. I’ve done it before and I can do it again. I know what I want to look like and who I want to become again.. Now? I need a plan.. Here it goes.
I’m going to start being more mindful with everything I put in my mouth. I’m going to stick to my roots and stay away from white bread, white rice, beef and pork. I’m going to start measuring my meals again. I’m most definitely going to start writing down what I eat again. That always used to help me out. As for the exercise, I’m not sure what to do about that. There is a Planet Fitness about 20 minutes away from me but do I really want to drive 20 minutes to the gym? Luckily, Best Buy is actually about a mile down the road from it so, I could always go right after work. They’re hours are pretty awesome. I do have some fitness videos I can use for the time being. Cardio is a problem here though as I’m on the second floor of the apartment complex. Hm.
I need to figure out how to get around cooking two separate meals. Like, tonight I’m making pork chops with onions in Knorr home style stock. I was going to make corn on the cob and brown rice as a side. Drew bought white rice and we also got some other different types of flavored rice that I’m sure are packed with sodium. Pasta was on sale this week so we got regular pasta. When you’re living on a budget and having a love affair with coupons it’s very difficult to purchase everything chicken, turkey and whole grain/whole wheat. So, let’s try portion control. Perhaps instead of completely going back to what I know, start using portion control. Instead of using a big plate, use a small plate to trick my mind. Load up on vegetables. Cook with them every chance I get. Salad on the side of every meal. Have a cheat day on the weekends. I know how to do this. It’s just starting it that’s the problem.
This morning I had a cup of Special K cereal w/ about a cup of 2% milk & a banana. It was good! It satisfied me and instead of feeling bloated and tired I feel good. I’m going to have a yogurt in a bit and then a sandwich of some sort for lunch.
Part of the reason why I want to do this is because I want to look good for Drew. He loves me no matter what I look like but I want to be confident and sexy for him and myself. I may be getting into too much info here but, it’s true.
Anyway! I should end this entry now. I’ve written plenty and I should get up and start doing things around the apartment. I’d like to bring my weights in from my car as well. My mug needs a coffee refill too
Nikki Back On The Wagon signing off!
Posted on September 12th, 2011 by JustCallMeCow
Filed under: Everyday Ramblings | 2 Comments »