Thanksgiving Victory Surprise

15 Oct 2010 In: Weigh-In

What a surprise! I ended up weighing in a day after Thanksgiving, because WW was closed on the holiday.  I lost 4 pounds, and I wore jeans. haha!

I know I ate a lot for two days last week, and I was surprised that I lost 4 pounds. I always love good surprises. I ended up eating enough at Thanksgiving as well. I skipped on dessert which I was proud of. I had two bites of chocolate cake and a small scoop of ice-cream. I had double helpings of stuffing and a few slices of turkey. No gravy, but had cranberries. I really enjoyed the meal. I ate a lot of veggies including acorn squash, peas and carrots.

Last week I gained .5 pounds. My leader said it may have because I was wearing jeans, but I doubted it. This week hasn’t been the greatest either. I have walked twice this week, but have been lax the last few days. I also ate subway twice this week, and had Mcdonalds twice. I had a salad from there, but I’m sure it was a lot of calories. I’ll have to check online for the nutrition information. I also had a few grilled chicken snack wraps from there. I need to do groceries this weekend. I hate not having a lot of food in the house. It makes me eat out more. I need to be so meticulous next week in writing what I eat and keeping track.

I joined the gym a few days ago, but haven’t went yet ! I have to get up early and go, because I only have my mornings to myself, and I find that I wake up at 10am, and it is too late to go. Time is an essense when I work these stupid hours. My dad is supposed to be giving me his stationary bicycle this weekend, so I could work out twice or three times a week, and the rest of the days do the bike indoors. Especially on the very cold days.

I’ve been talking to guys online these days, and I have been thinking that I don’t want to meet someone or get into anything serious. I just want to focus on my goals, and on myself at least until I lose more weight. I’m finding it really hard to go out to eat, and to just stay focused. I went out last Friday night and ate way more then expected. I was at a pub where there was pub food and beer. Grr! Old habits die hard! I just don’t think any guy would understand that I am on a strict diet, and I dont even want anyone to know especially someone I just met. I’ll stay single for now.

Hard to believe I’ll be weighing in again in three days. I don’t want to get on the scale this week. I’m dreading it.. I gotta get my motivation back. 

 

 

Hotdogs.. WTF!

5 Oct 2010 In: bad days

I don’t know what got into me today. I had a relatively on plan day today, except for when I went to work. On my supper break, I didn’t bring any food for dinner. My fault entirely for not planning. The problem was that I didn’t have much food in the house, and I was in a rush, so I didn’t pack a dinner. During my dinner time, the staff was handing out free hot dogs.  Hotdogs! I don’t eat hotdogs! I haven’t ate red meat in many years (20 years)! I like the smell of hot dogs, and I was so famished, that I had a hot dog. I enjoyed it so much, that I had another! WTF! Another problem I had, was that I didn’t have my points tracker with me, so I didn’t know how many points I was consuming. What a huge mistake! I ended up finding out when I got home that each hotdog on a bun was 7 points. 14 points for dinner! I ended up going over my points today no doubt about it. Considering work was handing out a free grab bag with chocolate and chips in it. I had no willpower today! None whatsoever.. :( I ended up going over by about 5 points today, and at least I got in an hour walk today which helps me feel ever so slightly better about my meal choice for dinner. Hotdogs.. I’m still baffled by it all.

After work, I went to get a few groceries, so I will definitely get up and plan my meals tomorrow. I vow to keep on track tomorrow.  One day at a time is my new motto! I have to find my willpower again! Where is the Jojo that said ‘no’ to the donut in week one. Grrr! Okay, I won’t beat myself up anymore. Time for me to go to bed because I realize that eating what I did, did not fill me up whatsoever. I feel hungry now, and hate to eat after midnight. I have to beat myself up over it, because no one else will. What is the saying, that we are our own worst critics. Well that is because we have to be…. Sometimes I feel like I’m hopeless. How the hell will I ever lose all this weight. I try to be positive most days, but today is not one of them.

 

Fall is here! Time to change!

4 Oct 2010 In: Weigh-In

Fall is here. The seasons are changing, as am I. I had my weigh in tonight. I didn’t feel like I had the best week this week. I ended up eating out too much I believe. I also had a few beers on Saturday night. I ended up going up .5 pounds tonight, but my leader said that I may have added that weight on because I was wearing jeans. I had not worn jeans before, and jeans apparently can add up to 2 pounds. I don’t know what to make of that except for the fact that I know that I have to try harder this week. I cannot sleep in and eat late and almost miss breakfast as I did a few days this past week. I need to work out everyday and not settle for less.

I just started a 12 week challenge for the Biggest Loser IV group. It started today, and I am super motivated not to gain weight over the holidays. I know it will be hard, but I can do this! I want to join the gym this weekend if I can afford to. I just don’t want to join and not go! My work schedule may be changing this week and I have to wait till i know my schedule before joining anything right now.

I wish I was not hungry like I was my first week on WW. I find that I have been getting hungrier over the weeks, and I know I’ll be hungry this week as I’ll be starting my period in a week or so. I’m ready to face all of this head on.

I guess I am giving myself a pep talk. haha! I keep saying that I know this is not easy. It is NOT easy. Anyone trying to lose a massive amount of weight who has a history of emotional overeating, and binging know this is not easy! Who said, life would be easy though.  I’m determined to do this! I will do this! I have set a goal for myself for 1 year. I can lose the weight in one year, but I have to work hard.

Another Victory!

27 Sep 2010 In: Weigh-In

Baby steps! So I had my second weigh in today. I lost 1.5 pounds! I was happy because I know I didn’t do quite as well as my first week. I didn’t exercise as much, and I ate more of my flex points. I wasn’t sure what I would see on the scale. I lost weight in the two weeks before I started weight watchers so I am adding that on to my loss. I know what I have to do this week, so I just need to plan and stay on track. Woo, I’m so motivated right now!

One more day to go..

25 Sep 2010 In: Weigh-In

It is hard to believe I will be doing my weekly weigh in on the scale in two days. It just seems like yesterday that I got on the scale. This week has been going pretty well. I’ve been finding that I’ve been hungrier at night maybe because I am not eating as much protein during the day, but I’m not quite sure about that. I walked three times this week and I hope to make it four by the time Monday evening rolls around. I said ‘no’ to a donut offer yesterday. I was so proud of myself that I said no to a donut.  I also went to Tim Horton’s today to get a coffee and I didn’t order anything else. I think because I haven’t had Tim Horton’s or much coffee at all this week, that I had to go to the bathroom very bad after that coffee. It just didn’t sit with me. I think I’ll just scrap most coffee out of my diet. I won’t go to Tim Horton’s anymore for coffee.

I’ve noticed that my bowel movements are so long now. I am in awe this last week at how long (I wish I could measure it), but I’ve never seen my poo so long ! I’m surprised it went down the toilet !! It must be all the fiber I am eating. I just wish I could force myself to eat more vegetables and fruit, because even know I am eating some, I am not eating as much as I want to be. I turned down going out to the bar with my friends tonight. I know I have to get up early tomorrow, and I also knew I would want to drink. I don’t want to be around a bar right now. I could have had one light beer, but I know that I would have a hard time with just having one.

I’m excited to get weighed in this week, but I am going in with no expectations. I always live life that way because with no expectations, I will never be disappointed.  :)

Paula came over yesterday and took my before photos. When I looked at them, I was not happy with the way I looked. I think that is a good sign mostly because I know I was in denial at how overweight I was for a long time. It bothered me, but did not bother me enough to want to make that change.

I know that I have lost some weight in the past three weeks, but I’m just so sick of looking at that ‘fat’ me. Paula and I were talking about how I looked when I was 20 years old. I must have weighed in the 140’s or upper 130’s (I don’t quite remember), and I was just saying how I felt back then, and what I was wearing. I told her I’d like to look like that again. Paula encouraged me, and it is really good to have friends who understand and have been there in the past.

I was happy with the way one of my pants fit today. I put them on about a month ago, and there was no way I was wearing them. I wore them the last few days, and felt comfortable. This is an incentive for me. I think I’m going to buy a book this weekend that will motivate me even more.  I remember how I felt, when I was training others in the gym where I used to work. I remember how I felt when I trained so hard to lose weight when I was doing the intensive Muay Thai training a few years ago. It is that feeling that I want to remember and get back. The feeling of accomplishment is a real motivator.  Time to get started at the gym in a few weeks or so. When I can afford it, I am going to join the local gym, and make time to go. I miss doing weights, and just walking is not cutting it for me. It is hard to believe that I was running 5 km just 9 months ago. I know it will not take me too long to get back there.

Re-visiting the Past

21 Sep 2010 In: The Past

Today was quite a shitty day for me. I called in sick mostly because I could not get out of bed. I felt exhausted and feel a cold coming on. I was happy yesterday at my results, but last night I woke up a few times with pains in my side. I’ve had this problem for quite awhile and I’ve done lots of tests, but still have not been diagnosed. The pains come and go, and they came last night. I was in pain today also, so I stayed home and rested. I ate okay today, and reached my points already, but I was still hungry tonight. I felt like binging tonight, and almost got up to go to the store to buy some chocolate. I decided that I’d have an English muffin instead.

Before my weigh in last night, I went out for dinner with my father. My father and I had a talk that brought up some past issues and memories for me, and even though I have forgiven him and my mom for some things - It still affected me. Maybe because I am losing weight, and I know that a lot of my weight issues have to do with my past.  It made me really try and figure out why I’ve held on to this weight for so long. I don’t blame my past, but I do know that there is a reason why I emotionally overeat, and binge.

I never really had a father growing up and had a rough childhood, but I have moved forward from that on many levels. I guess living back in my hometown and talking about a lot of issues brings back memories. I really feel like I have the support of my parents now, and that really makes me feel good. Even though I want to lose this weight for myself first and foremost. I am losing weight and dealing with issues by confronting them rather than eating them. It makes me feel good on some level. I always read from others that have lost lots of weight that fat is anger within. I often wonder if that is true on some level. I’d love to hear from anyone who can relate to what I’m saying. Tomorrow is another day. One day at a time is my new motto!

Weekly Weigh In Surprise

20 Sep 2010 In: Weigh-In

I went to my second weight watchers meeting tonight, and I was very apprehensive about getting on the scale. I hate scales!!!!!! I would rather look at inches lost instead of pounds, but I got on the scale after my leader urged me on. I am now glad I got on the scale. I ended up losing 2.5 pounds in one week! YAY! Seeing that loss has motivated me to keep going with what I am doing. How motivating to see this big of a loss on my first week being on the plan.

Looking back, I know I want to up the exercise, and increase balanced meals, and portion control. I noticed a few things this week that have been different for me and my normal food intake, and that is I wasn’t overly hungry when I should have been. I’m hoping that the reason is because I am eating more fiber and filling foods, and I am also eating at regular intervals and not skipping meals, which I have been known to do.

I really have to get my before photos taken! I’m looking forward to starting a challenge on 3fchicks in a few weeks when I’ll really need to kick things in gear. Knowing Thanksgiving and Christmas is coming is a bit scary! I think it’ll be easier this year because I am not abroad, and it’ll just be one meal I’ll really have to worry about. I’ve decided that I want to eliminate or at least strictly limit alcohol while I’m on this diet. I had one beer this week, and I didn’t even like drinking that. Empty calories is all alcohol is. Here’s hoping everyone has a great week!

Time to make a real change

19 Sep 2010 In: New Beginnings

I’ve finally gotten around to starting my 3fatchick blog. The straw that broke the camels back, as in the last straw for me to say, ‘time to make a serious change,’ was when I got on the scale at the doctors last week and it tipped at 237.7 pounds. I knew I was big, but I didn’t realize I was that big! What a serious let down. How could I ever let myself get this big!

In fact, I have worked on losing weight many times in the past, and I have lost a bit of weight by working out mostly. I have gained the weight back. I spent so much money in the past year on a gym membership and trainer, but six months later, and I’m back where I started. I know I haven’t been watching my diet in the last six months - nor working out since coming back to Canada from being abroad.

My life has been a yo yo in the past six years as I had been living abroad for so many years. I know that is no excuse for being this heavy, but I know that my lifestyle of moving around has not helped me. So the doctor told me that my blood pressure was medium high (140/90), and then after having blood work done, my cholesterol is also high. The doctor assured me that if I kept on the path I was on, I would end up with diabetes, heart disease or cancer. He said that he could put me on pills, or he would allow me three months to lose some weight. That is the same day I decided to go to a weight watchers meeting. How ironic that the meeting ended up being a block from the doctor’s office.  I know people that have lost weight on weight watchers. I decided that I needed that structure, guidance and more importantly - support that weight watchers provides.

Fast forward to almost seven days later, and I am proud that I have followed the points plan quite well this week. It has taken me awhile to figure out how much points and portions are needed, but I am upping my healthy foods and eliminating the not so healthy foods. I have cravings, and have known to binge on chips, chocolate and eat much larger portions than necessary.  The positives I have going for me on this long weightloss journey is that I enjoy eating healthy. I have not eaten red meat in twenty years, and I also enjoy exercise when I stick to it and persevere.

I am excited to go to my second meeting tomorrow night to see how much or if I lost any weight this past week. I think I have, and I am not a big fan of scales (who is). I have not taken before photos yet, but that is something that I think is important. I am more settled and stable now in my life, and I think I can make a go at this journey. I have struggled with my weight my whole life, and I’m sick of being fat. I’m sick of being teased (in the past), and I’m sick of not fitting into anything. I know what it was like being thin, because when I was 20, I was in the higher 130’s. I’m going to turn the big 4-0 in less than two years, and I want to achieve my ideal weight by then (146). I’ve been a blogger/journal writer my whole life, and writing everything down helps me a lot. I’m ready to kick ass in a big way to achieve my goal!