Yearning for… MYSELF.

Cause I’m not sure who this fat chick is!

Overkill April 19, 2011

Filed under: April — jewlz280 @ 12:33 pm

I feel like I am writing non-stop lately.  I’m afraid I’m going to overkill ya’ll by posting so much!  But I feel like I’m at a crossroads and I need to ‘talk this stuff out’ in order to keep from going mad.  None of my friends here really get it.  Skinny heifers!  LOL  J/K, but seriously, I just don’t think they get it.  No one else seems to have the issues with carbs and they can just sorta watch what they eat and drop weight like it’s something they carry in their hands.  Talking to to them doesn’t do anything but make me feel worse at times.  So, I’ve gotten to where I just don’t really talk about it at all to anyone other than one close friend who lives out of state who also fights the wacky weight battle; and then there is the hubbs.  Poor guy hears about it so much I’m sure he is sick of it.  I’ve gotten to where I don’t talk to him about it as much, either.  It’s a bit hard right now, though, because I feel like I’m hanging on a ledge trying to make some much needed decisions.

I am somewhat second guessing myself from what I wrote last night.  I know it’s only a temporary trial, but I am really worried that I will gain a ton!  And I’m not sure if I should watch my cals or not to go along with it?  I’m just worried!  I don’t think that I could emotionally handle gaining a LOT of weight.  I’ve had two fairly high carb days and the scale hasn’t moved (up or down).  Not sure what to think of that.  Shouldn’t I have gained, in theory?  I mean, it’s not like I pigged out, but I did have my LC bread, some extra fruit, and even breading on my fish.  All of that brought me up over 60g of carbs.  So, shouldn’t I have seen a gain???  UGH.  Just not sure what to think at this point.  Thinking of having a ‘low’ day today.  I’m worried about doing the long term high’s and then lows.  Thinking I need a low day to not feel so wacky.  I’m worried I’m becoming obsessive!  I’m not typically an obsessive person.  OK, that’s a fib, I am always a bit OCD.  But this is driving me nuts.  I guess it is the result of dieting for so long and feeling like I’m not making much progress lately.  In 7 days, I will have been dieting for 4mos.  2 of those under 40g.  And month one and two, I spent losing the same weight.  So, here I am just one week from starting month 5 and I’ve only lost a smidgeon of weight.  LE SIGH.  Fudgety fudge.  Doing the numbers, that’s less than 3lbs. a month.  BLAH.

I just don’t know what to do.  I wish I just knew what would work.  URGH.  I’ve never been successful with cal counting in the past but did great with low carb.  So, now that I am having issues with low carb maybe I need to go to mostly cal counting? And just watching the type of carbs I eat?  Making sure to get the majority of my cals from protein and fat?  Do I even know how to do that?  I think I do.  I mean, that’s sorta what I do right now.  I guess I could allow myself a certain amount of cals a day, like 1700.  Divide that into 3 meals and 2 snacks which would be 400 for each meal and then two snacks at 250 each.  Base each meal/snack on protein and then add some fat and carbs.  Like for a snack, if I wanted to have an apple with PB and maybe a small glass of milk(almond or regular) to get me to my cals.  Would be higher in carbs, but but they would be the good carbs.  *sigh*  I am just as confused as Willy Wonka would be in the real world.

I know that I should probably just pick something and stick with it.  I just don’t know which one to pick.  I feel like a big fish flopping around on the ground gasping to get back in the water but having no idea how to do that.


7 Responses to “Overkill”

  1. souvenirdarling Says:

    Mark Sisson’s Primal Blueprint says that over 150g of carbs will lead to wight gain because of the insulin response and the body burning sugar instead of fat.

    He continues that 100 – 150 is a good maintenace range, 50 – 100 for sustainable weight loss and 0 -50 for significant weight loss.

    He also suggests consuming a higher amount of fat and protein than carbohydrates. You should check out his websites, because the theory is really interesting 🙂

    I like picking plans for ME, myself 🙂 I’m sticking to PB while monitoring my total calorie intake.

  2. incontrol2day Says:

    Good luck finding out what is right for you. Never worry about how much you are posting! If I didn’t have my blog, my friends and boyfriend would be SICK of me talking about working out, food, health, weight ALL the time. It’s your blog!

    I stick to low carb when it comes to starches. I don’t limit my vegetables though (non-starchy ones). Dinner I literally skip pasta, rice, bread and just focus on vegetables and protein. You can do this! If I eat too much sugar, I have a hard time losing.

    Good luck this week!

  3. pepagirl Says:

    You really can’t overkill on here girl, we are all in the same boat and understand completely. I have a ton of skinny friends and I know that they don’t understand either. I feel like I have lost so much, but since I’m still overweight it’s like those first 100lbs don’t matter. It will get better with time, just try to stay positive and know that we do get it and are here to listen when you need to rant.

  4. lillie Says:

    Think of this board as Noah’s ark; a safe place of refuge from the storms that are beating the time out of you! 🙂 You could never say too much on this board and that’s the beauty of it. We’re all in this together. I hope you find what works well for you. Hang in there; don’t give up!

  5. jewlz280 Says:

    souvenirdarling — Oh, I so wish those numbers were true. But sadly, they just aren’t for me. I’ve been under 40g of carbs for two months and have barely moved. In that theory, I should’ve been losing at a rather rapid rate. And I know that I am because I journal all my food like crazy. But at this point, I am flat out frustrated. It SHOULD be working, but it’s not. So, I am doing a few days of moderate carbs and then I am going to try to do a few days of low to see if it changes. I think. LOL I just need to decide and DO IT, I guess.

  6. Sue Says:

    I think maybe you might need to put the scale away for a while and use some other marker as a goal, maybe a piece of clothing that you want to get into again. Or try making it not about weight at all. Make it about, for example, having 8 cups of water every day. I completely get the OCD thing and I know how easy it is to feel ruled by the scale. I think we could all use a scale holiday every now and then and get in touch with something other than THE NUMBER.

  7. jewlz280 Says:

    @Sue — I wish I could just put the scale away! LOL I do weigh daily to ‘track’ but I only count the number on the scale on Sundays. And it wouldn’t be such a big deal if I hadn’t been sitting at the same number since March. I could get that if I were thinner because I would have less to lose. But at still over 200lbs., the weight should be coming off a little better. So, something isn’t right. I just don’t know what! But I am working on it. I would use something else as a measure, but I feel like I already ‘measure’ so much! If I saw something somewhere giving me hope, I wouldn’t be so down about the scale. But I’m going to keep trying! 😀

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