Overkill April 19, 2011
I feel like I am writing non-stop lately. I’m afraid I’m going to overkill ya’ll by posting so much! But I feel like I’m at a crossroads and I need to ‘talk this stuff out’ in order to keep from going mad. None of my friends here really get it. Skinny heifers! LOL J/K, but seriously, I just don’t think they get it. No one else seems to have the issues with carbs and they can just sorta watch what they eat and drop weight like it’s something they carry in their hands. Talking to to them doesn’t do anything but make me feel worse at times. So, I’ve gotten to where I just don’t really talk about it at all to anyone other than one close friend who lives out of state who also fights the wacky weight battle; and then there is the hubbs. Poor guy hears about it so much I’m sure he is sick of it. I’ve gotten to where I don’t talk to him about it as much, either. It’s a bit hard right now, though, because I feel like I’m hanging on a ledge trying to make some much needed decisions.
I am somewhat second guessing myself from what I wrote last night. I know it’s only a temporary trial, but I am really worried that I will gain a ton! And I’m not sure if I should watch my cals or not to go along with it? I’m just worried! I don’t think that I could emotionally handle gaining a LOT of weight. I’ve had two fairly high carb days and the scale hasn’t moved (up or down). Not sure what to think of that. Shouldn’t I have gained, in theory? I mean, it’s not like I pigged out, but I did have my LC bread, some extra fruit, and even breading on my fish. All of that brought me up over 60g of carbs. So, shouldn’t I have seen a gain??? UGH. Just not sure what to think at this point. Thinking of having a ‘low’ day today. I’m worried about doing the long term high’s and then lows. Thinking I need a low day to not feel so wacky. I’m worried I’m becoming obsessive! I’m not typically an obsessive person. OK, that’s a fib, I am always a bit OCD. But this is driving me nuts. I guess it is the result of dieting for so long and feeling like I’m not making much progress lately. In 7 days, I will have been dieting for 4mos. 2 of those under 40g. And month one and two, I spent losing the same weight. So, here I am just one week from starting month 5 and I’ve only lost a smidgeon of weight. LE SIGH. Fudgety fudge. Doing the numbers, that’s less than 3lbs. a month. BLAH.
I just don’t know what to do. I wish I just knew what would work. URGH. I’ve never been successful with cal counting in the past but did great with low carb. So, now that I am having issues with low carb maybe I need to go to mostly cal counting? And just watching the type of carbs I eat? Making sure to get the majority of my cals from protein and fat? Do I even know how to do that? I think I do. I mean, that’s sorta what I do right now. I guess I could allow myself a certain amount of cals a day, like 1700. Divide that into 3 meals and 2 snacks which would be 400 for each meal and then two snacks at 250 each. Base each meal/snack on protein and then add some fat and carbs. Like for a snack, if I wanted to have an apple with PB and maybe a small glass of milk(almond or regular) to get me to my cals. Would be higher in carbs, but but they would be the good carbs. *sigh* I am just as confused as Willy Wonka would be in the real world.
I know that I should probably just pick something and stick with it. I just don’t know which one to pick. I feel like a big fish flopping around on the ground gasping to get back in the water but having no idea how to do that.